clara*s victory dance

dear alan wake,

2012-02-05T07:38:00.001-05:00

I am enjoying playing you. You have a great story and are very scary.

However, there was no reason to kill that dog, Max the lab. I am very disappointed in you. It was not necessary for the story and made me very sad.

A great horror story (movie, book or game) can, if done properly, kill any character and not lose the audience - but you never kill the dog. It simply isn't done.

For shame.

When in doubt ask yourself "would Dean Koontz kill this dog in his story?'. The answer will always be no. So no. Don't do it.

P.s. Dying of old age is acceptable though frowned upon.

let the record show

2012-01-29T07:47:00.000-05:00

I realized recently that this blog serves a double purpose. Not only is it a creative outlet (when I use it); it’s also a record keeper. Jeremy and I will always disagree about when things happening. Specifically when we started dating (again) and when we got Tonks. We always forgot and it happens again. Luckily for me, I blogged around those things so it is documented for eternity! If I’m not writing about things that happen I will have no proof that I’m right.

And we can’t have that now can we?

the next best thing to zombie freddie mercury

2011-10-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

for the love of all that is holy just take a look at these dogs before you adopt/buy a goggie

2011-09-20T23:09:00.001-04:00

I stumbled upon this whole 'less adoptable' thing because I ended up with a big black dog and people started saying how great it was that I chose her since she would have been at the top of 'The List' at a shelter. I was shocked and looked into it; I've since (as I'm sure you've figured out by now) become crazy dog lady about less adoptable pets and big black dogs in particular.

I can't imagine life without Tonks. Of course she is a big black dog, so inherently more dangerous and aggressive. Can't you tell?

Terrible, terrible beast.

baby tonks?

2011-07-09T23:02:00.000-04:00

Jeremy found this picture on the interwebs and I am convinced it's Tonks as a puppy. The site that had it didn't know where it was from either so it is entirely possible it's a wee stray from Ohio.

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated”

2011-06-25T20:58:00.002-04:00

mahatma gandhi

Parts of this can be difficult to see, but if you can watch it goggies everywhere would appreciate it. Very interesting perspective on the 'nanny dog'.

terrible human

2011-06-12T22:24:00.001-04:00

Poor Tonks! We forgot our Tonkiversary this year. March 21st was two years with this precocious mutt. I just told Jeremy it was the best thing we ever did. Ever.

Now we just need more! I keep emailing Jeremy dogs from Petfinder that Tonks desperately wants but Jeremy says that she likes being the only dog. In reality I think she falls somewhere in between.

Fostering is an option, that would satisfy my need to save dogs in shelters from being euthanized, and we'd get to know a whole bunch of doggies while helping them find their forever homes. Every time we could make room for a someone it's one more dog off death row that has time to find it's humans. Shmoo. Think of all the fun they'd have together!

The biggest problem will be saying goodbye to the dogs when they get adopted. This may be a slippery slope that ends with me on the news for taking over my apartment building with hundreds of dogs. I think the technical term is 'foster failure" (when you adopt the dog you are fostering, it's a good kind of fail) but in this case it would be more like starting a new society with dogs in charge and I start speaking only in barks and growls.

OR I dress them all up and have massive tea parties! Happy belated Tonkiversary Nymphadora Tonks.
Oh and happy belated seven year anniversary Jeremy. Just thought I'd get that in there while I was at it.

i want to have a baby sloth.....or be one...

2011-05-26T22:39:00.000-04:00

Meet the sloths from Lucy Cooke on Vimeo.

oh noes!1 no friday the 13th limericks...

2011-05-13T18:12:00.000-04:00

You'll just have to settle for beautiful meat.

One of my favourite paintings...

green hair

2011-05-08T07:08:00.000-04:00

For those of you who accidentally turn your hair green or blue or some variation in between, I can tell you that mixing equal parts baking soda and shampoo and leaving on your hair for 5-10 minutes actually helps. You have to use cold water to rinse it out though not all versions of this cure said that, it's what I did. It starts to smell like you just put the dye on after a few minutes, which I thought was a good sign. Even though no colour washed out when rinsing it was significantly faded.

It took 17 years of careless and spontaneous hair dying but I can finally join the ranks of those with bizarre colour boo boos.

april 6th - day of happiness!

2011-04-06T09:52:00.000-04:00

Happy Birfday Kaity!

Enjoy Sesshomaru dog.

Happy Tartan Day everyone!Jeremy and I will be celebrating at The Caledonian in Grant and Gordon (shown left) plaids respectively.

keeper for a day (or, how clara became queen of the elephants)

2011-03-22T23:21:00.001-04:00

On Saturday March 19th I donned coveralls and partook of the Keeper for a Day program at the Toronto Zoo. It was amazing. I highly recommend it to everyone. I hope to do it again at other sections of the zoo. This was a birthday present from Jeremy; I would be assisting the elephant keepers for the day. Oh Em Gee. I met and shoveled the poop of Thika, Oringa and Toka.

Toka is the most submissive, she stores her hay between her trunk and tusk so the other girls don[t steal it (squee). Oringa is the anti-macgyver, she has disassembled pretty much everything that she's ever come into contact with. Thika is the alpha, and she reminds me of Tonks. She will steal the other elephant's toys and food and bully them. And when you walk by her she will put her trunk out and beg for food.

I also got to get a sneak peek of the penguins, which won't be on display for a couple more months. I met Perky and Petal, two river hippo sisters. They were hilarious. They came over for snacks and pets, when we walked away they made whiny noises for more attentions. Too cute.

Jeremy met me for lunch and afterwards the keepers were kind enough to give Jeremy a tour too. He got to see the indoor facilities (which were way bigger than I realized) and go around back to see the elephants, and the hippos and penguins.

The program is run by the keepers themselves; they are a part of the American Association of Zoo Keepers. The funds are used for teaching and training of it's members as well as various conservation efforts. Recently they sent a member to Madagascar for research and purchased GPS units for the anti-poaching patrols in Africa. Unlike some people I could mention (cough, PETA) they talk the talk and walk the walk.

The training they do is very cool; I'm going to try some of the ideas on Tonks. For example they go through the motions of taking blood or giving an injection every week, so that they don't automatically associate the actions with a yucky experience. Plus they get jellybeans whether it's a real needle or not. I think I'll try that with cleaning Tonks' ears. Right now she sees me get cotton balls and runs. I'll do it once a week and sometimes just wipe her ear with cotton without the cleaning goo, and give her a treat. Keep her on her toes. But I digress.

I was very impressed at how knowledgeable, friendly and passionate about animal conservation everyone was. I sincerely hope they get their wish and the zoo decides to fund a new habitat and facilities for the elephants. While they do actually like the snow (Oringa makes snow elephants), their thin ears can suffer when it is below zero so they stay indoors. I don't want Toronto to lose it's elephants, they are in capable, caring hands and just need new facilities. Each kid who sits for a keeper talk and learns about their funny personalities and the dangers they are facing against poachers is one more person who can make a difference. Wow, how did I end up on this soapbox? I just LOVE THEM so much. Anyhoo enjoy the pics and videos.

My coat still smells like poo. I regret nothing!

life is hard for tonks.

2011-03-06T21:06:00.002-05:00

A weekend of lazy.

I don't know what was on the tv at that moment but I don't think she likes it.

"I has a pathetic."

Naptime.

Streeeeeetch

"I has a dainty."

Dainty - tonkHANCE!

"You talkin' to me?"

wow this is totally true. seriously.

2011-03-05T07:11:00.000-05:00

via GraphJam.

death of a shardmind

2011-02-20T13:27:00.001-05:00

Alas I am finished. My dear Psion has perished. It was an epic moment. Azure (short for A Surface of Fine Azure-Tinted Reflection With Pyroxin Dendritic Inclusions) was a Shardmind in our current D&D campaign.

Our DM was kind enough to film the final roll.

You will be missed. Though your morally upright decisions may have hindered everyone else at times.

Backstory:

Azure

I was once a fragment of a large crystal monolith. It was brilliantly blue, which is why I call myself Azure. It is the colour of energy I am most comfortable radiating.

Followers of Vecna discovered this before Ioun’s Collectors, and began studying the ancient shard. During this time several shards were mined and taken for examination, of which I was one. During the following decades I slowly became aware of my existence and separateness from the energy I was once a part of. I started feeling an urgency to regain this, and an even greater power that I felt in my core was part of my purpose. Over this time I was traded, stolen, sold, lost and found. My age is unknown but it has been centuries since I became fully sentient and began living in a humanoid form. I am usually androgynous in appearance but can shift to a more female or male look by necessity or mood. I would like to revisit the Azure monolith I was spawned from; I have no knowledge of where this is. I gleaned my tale of origin from information overhead in my journey to consciousness. Any other fragments from this crystal are of interest to me as well. Though the chances are infinitesimal, I wonder if there were any other shardminds birthed from the same psionic energy of that monumental shard.

I believe in Ioun’s philosophies; to share knowledge is for the benefit of all. However I have a secret gratitude to Vecna’s followers, and subsequently Vecna, for starting my path to sentience. I do not agree with the hoarding of knowledge, it will only weaken the world in its fight to repel the far realm.

Like all other Shardminds my driving goal is to rebuild the living gate. I associate most freely with the thought builders and consider myself one to a certain degree. I travel anywhere I sense psionic energy, gathering shards with the hope of sealing the far realm away forever. I conduct my own experiments, and also correspond with several thought builder communities to share discoveries and information. I do not stay among them as I have recently felt a strange hollowness, which the years have revealed to be doubt. I fear that we will never discover a way to rebuild the living gate, that it is in fact not possible. The one thing that can stem the flow of aberration that should be wiped clean from existence may never function again. I live daily with my faith and scepticism, which wears on me. I do not allow this to show to others.

While I do not need sleep I rest when I can, disbanding my humanoid form allowing my energy to flow freely throughout my shards. I am fully aware during this time and can reform quickly should danger approach.

My goal and plans for the future remain singular – rebuild the living gate. All else is coloured by this need, uncertainty aside.

o. m. g. (or, lawless on lawless; or, lawless² )

2011-02-16T22:15:00.002-05:00

Thank you Michael Powell Art.

happy birthday to me!

2011-01-29T00:16:00.003-05:00

Some of my favourite things.

I got a little carried away so I had to cap it at Frankenfurter. There are so many others not represented! Such as:

• Naughty anime girls or boy on boys
• Mythical creatures
• 80’s cartoons
• A velociraptor army
• Post-apocalyptic societies
• Zombie Freddie Mercury
• Paladins
• Korean horror movies
• Junk food
• Robots
• Backpacks with jets

hurreeee......we're almost there, the most important day of the year...

2011-01-28T19:35:00.003-05:00

Clara's Birthday! The big three-oh!

ta-da

2011-01-27T18:15:00.001-05:00

As promised, here is the new and improved, ClaraNeck™ 2.0.

parabens – relax already, or why I don’t care if there are parabens in my moisturizer

2011-01-14T09:35:00.002-05:00

I was watching Breakfast Television this morning and there was a woman on promoting her new book and revealing products to avoid that contained…parabens! Dunh duhn duhhhhn. I would normally have just ignored this but it’s been on my mind. I was with my mummy picking out a new moisturizer for her and she was discarding options because they had parabens in them. I’ve heard the claims but never really cared personally. Since my family was altering choices based on it I wanted to know more. How are they dangerous? How much parabens pose a threat? What sort of study was done to discover this and has it been duplicated or backed up by other researchers/institutions?

I found the below articles which validate my gut reaction; let me tell you they were a lot harder to find than those espousing doom and gloom and cosmetic industry conspiracies. I was looking for something that said ‘relax, you probably won’t die’ and I’d forget about the whole thing. What I found was the Canadian Cancer society, among others, saying that the initial 2004 study which declared a link between breast cancer and parabens didn’t have sufficient information for them to back the claim. I found out that 18 or 20 breast cancer tissues studied had parabens in them. I also found out that healthy breast tissue wasn’t examined so couldn't be proved to be paraben-free. If the healthy tissue also had 18 out of 20 instances of parabens then we don’t really have a link do we? They weren’t tested so we don’t know. We also don’t know how the parabens came into the systems of the women whose tissue was used. Was it ingested, from naturally occurring parabens in fruits and vegetables or synthetic parabens in black tea, spices etc.? Or was it absorbed from skin lotion and various cosmetics? The study doesn’t say.

Parabens: Is the Danger Real?
Stuart H. Kalan MD
kaplanmd.com

According to the American Academy of Dermatology, “The best preservatives for sensitive skin are those containing parabens.” (2002 Prof Zoe Draelos, Summer Scientific Meeting, New York, AAD, 2002).

In fact, two common parabens, Methylparaben and Propylparaben, which are used widely in cosmetic skin products, are also used to preserve spices, black and green teas, beer, fruit juices, jams, and wine.

New data on parabens suggests no adverse hormonal effect on the body
Katie Bird
cosmeticsdesign-europe.com

According to Schellauf, PHBA is not known to have any estrogenic effects and is found widely in plants and human food, so trace exposure in the human organism poses no health risk.

“The study confirms the results of a number of research studies, which concluded from their work that parabens are metabolised rapidly and to a large extent in living organisms and therefore cannot exhibit any adverse effects,” said industry trade body Colipa.

Antiperspirants and breast cancer
cancer.ca

In January 2004 new research published in the Journal of Applied Toxicology found an ingredient called parabens in 20 human breast tumours. Parabens are preservatives used in many pharmaceutical, food and cosmetic products (including a range of cosmetics applied to the underarm and breast area). The researchers stated that parabens have been known to mimic the effects of estrogen, which can promote breast cancer tumour growth.

Canadian Cancer Society perspective

The research published in the Journal of Applied Toxicology did not show a direct cause and effect relationship between antiperspirants, deodorants and breast cancer. The findings are interesting, but the study was small. More research is needed to provide definitive answers about this issue.

Parabens: Are They Really a Problem?
Paula Begoun
cosmeticscop.com

Current research investigating how parabens act when administered orally, topically, and subcutaneously to rats has shown that "parabens are metabolized rapidly and to a large extent in living organisms and therefore cannot exhibit any adverse effects." According to these studies, parabens are "fully metabolized before they enter the blood stream." In a review of the estrogenic activity of parabens, the author concluded that based on maximum daily exposure estimates, "it was impossible that parabens could increase the risk associated with exposure to estrogenic chemicals."

Antiperspirants/Deodorants and Breast Cancer: Questions and Answers
National Cancer Institute
cancer.gov

The belief that parabens build up in breast tissue was supported by a 2004 study, which found parabens in 18 of 20 samples of tissue from human breast tumors (5). However, this study did not prove that parabens cause breast tumors (4). The authors of this study did not analyze healthy breast tissue or tissues from other areas of the body and did not demonstrate that parabens are found only in cancerous breast tissue (5). Furthermore, this research did not identify the source of the parabens and cannot establish that the buildup of parabens is due to the use of deodorants or antiperspirants.

I don’t doubt that the cosmetic industry wants the most cost effective solution to prolong their products shelf life. It is after all a business. They want to make money and lower costs just like (gasp!) every other business in the universe. I do doubt that Elizabeth Arden, John Frieda and Bobbi Brown are meeting in shadowy underground bunkers to scheme and plot world domination.

I do know that if a product lasts more than a few months it has to have an artificial preservative in it. I’m the last person to keep doing something just because that’s the way it’s always been done, but I would rather use one that has been studied and used for decades than something new that we can’t know what, if any, long term effects it may have.

Just a thought.

clara on a soapbox - the email i sent protesting dog culling. For Robine, Hood and Aiden

2011-01-11T08:54:00.002-05:00

Dear Bobby Woods and Rob Clarke,

I was horrified to learn about the dog culling practices that lead to the deaths of family pets Robine, Hood and Aiden in Buffalo Narrows. I can't believe this is happening in Canada. I understand that feral dogs are an issue in northern communities but there are other solutions besides shooting dogs in the street. Yes that is probably the easiest - are we really discarding our ethics and morals because it is easy? Legally dogs need to be held for 72 hours according to the Saskatchewan Stray Animal Act, why were these three dogs shot and thrown in a dump within 24 hours of being found missing from their fenced backyard area. I look at my beloved family pet, a beagle/newfoundland mix who was in fact rescued from the streets in the US. Imagine if they practiced this in the community where she was found? I would never have her in my life, her short life ended in a landfill. Then I picture Hood, the dog who had a bullet hole between its eyes as it turned to face the threat to his pack. I cannot contain my grief. I am so disappointed in Canada for allowing this.

There are points that you made that are valid Mr. Mayor, such as limited funds and public safety. Absolutely valid. However as I said before just because it's difficult doesn't mean we give up. Have you appealed to the province, the country for aid? If so and you were denied tell the public - we will put our outrage at this practice towards that end. Have you asked local property owners to foster dogs for 72 hours so you are not breaking the law by taking away the chance for owners to claim the animals? Have you instituted fines and penalties for those who do not spay or neuter their pets? Punish the people who cause the problem not the animals who are a result of such callous negligence. Have you asked the province or country for more frequent veterinary services, perhaps even subsidized to encourage people to do the right thing? Between subsidized vet costs and stiff penalties for not having their pet spayed or neutered I am confident that you would have great results. This would save unwanted animals from an undignified death in the street, and innocent children from mauling and death by feral dogs.

Mr. Clarke, Mayor Woods, I beg you - have compassion for life. It is precious and it is not easy.

But it is worth fighting for.
______________________________

Give your support on facebook - Justice for Robine, Hood and Aiden.

neck dissection

2010-12-28T11:56:00.001-05:00

So I'm home and healing from surgery number two. For those of you keeping track the first one was about 5 years ago. I'm still scabby and gross so I'll wait until the new scar looks cool before showing the third and (hopefully) final installment in the ClaraNeck™ series.

I'm going to tell people the new one is from an assassination attempt; it is way cooler than my last one. I hope when it heals it is still noticable. This one extends past the original scar and curves up behind my ear. Badass.

ClaraNeck™ Original

ClaraNeck™ Cut

i knew it!

2010-11-30T22:25:00.012-05:00

Stephan Hawking and I were right (as usual). There is evidence that indicates the possibility of life on Saturn’s moon Titan. Now I only skimmed this and other articles but I’m going to go ahead and jump on the microbe bandwagon. Welcome Titans!

New Cassini Findings Show Possible Signs Of Methane-Based Life On Titan

beyond otis

2010-11-13T21:47:00.003-05:00

or, on how you have got to be fucking kidding me
How doth the little cancer cell
Create a flesh abode,
And cast a foul devouring spell
On innocent lymph node!
How insidious he’ll hide,
How aberrant his vision,
And wreak havoc deep inside
With cellular revision

Format courtesy of Lewis Carroll, thanks guy!

happy halloween!

2010-10-31T08:19:00.004-04:00

There once was a fellow named Myers,

Whose presence meant things were quite dire,

He’d hack and he’d slash,

In onesie and mask,

With a knife arm that never would tire

hellhound 2: return of the mutt

2010-09-18T07:33:00.012-04:00

[A charmingly cluttered apartment, 6:27 am. Weekday morning. A fog-headed woman is dozing in an armchair after walking her delightfully precocious hound. An ominous tearing sound alerts her to goings on in the kitchen. She investigates.]

Oh hai! I'm just having some dessert after my kibbles. Why do you ask?

A suspicious bag of white powder is found ripped open. A sternly disapproving hand picks it up and glares at the offending pooch.

I know, I know. It's just...My belleh needs the noms. Real bad.

Aaahhhhg! I can't stop, it's so delicious and floury. Gimme the stuff! I needs it!

fanexpo 2010

2010-08-31T22:21:00.053-04:00

One of many conventions and ubergeekery I have experienced (and have yet to experience) this year is the Fan Expo. Yes there was some nerd rage, and yes I wrote a few people and complained and that’s why I was interviewed – BUT, since Hobbystar seems to have apologized and have already booked a larger venue for next year I can revel in the good things and overcome my righteous indignation.

So anyway here are some highlights for me, aside from all the pretty comics and toys I bought.

Me and my new bff Heather Langenkamp. She was very nice and gave me a poster for ever Sleep Again once she found out I didn't get one when I ordered my copy online. Love. If I ever need backup I want Nancy there kicking ass and taking names!

Summer Glau being awesome. Again, she'd be a great addition to my badass chick gang.

Felicia Day as lovely as ever. Did you know Jeremy doesn't see why everyone is in love with her/thinks she's hot? Cramazy! I would date her. She's the type of girl you could take home to your mother.

Jeremy was horrified that I used the example of BASEketball for movies Ernest Borgnine was in. For a long and prosperous career it does seem trite, but I love that movie.

Michael Dorn! He was a little tired by the time Jeremy got to meet him for an autograph. But still. WORF!!!

I didn't know what to ogle Lance Henriksen for so I just gave an overall sigh of delight. Ahhh...

A delightful DeLorean - Mr. Fusion included

Jeremy in one of the Nostromo's hibernation chambers. Once in we were treated to an Alien montage that got us stoked* for the blu-ray release.

Princesses of the Mario variety; great costumes.

More excellent costumes, some of my personal favourites, Sailor Scouts! I saw a Queen Serenity too

And finally, my pièce de résistance - me waiting for Dean Winchester to get back to the car so we could go fight demons, listen to classic rock and make out.

*I don't actually use the word stoked in my daily lexicon; I do it when it will annoy a friend of mine. She hates it. Tee hee.

can't...stop...watching...

2010-08-28T09:16:00.001-04:00

see more Señor Gif

what? i got something on my face?

2010-08-21T13:06:00.001-04:00

kar•ma

2010-08-03T18:52:00.007-04:00

(kär mƏ)

Hinduism & Buddhism The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.
Fate; destiny.
Informal A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling: There's bad karma around the house today
A balance of good and bad. i.e. Paying off one of your students loans, then coming home to discover your dog had foul, explosive diarrhea in your closet where you pretty much just pile everything on the floor.

bff

2010-07-22T21:55:00.002-04:00

This is one of Tonks’ bestest buds. Her name is Tennessee and she is a beootiful Boerboel. One ot their favourite games is 'sit on Tonks and watch her desparately try to squirm out’.

Or, ‘Run circles around Tennesse ‘cuz she can’t catch you, and tease her until she grabs your leash and reels you in’. Then we go back to game number one.

So photogenical-like! Tonks is very adorable but she can take some goobery gork pictures. Ten on the other hand seems to pose perfectly.

what happens whenever i get up from my chair

2010-07-20T22:40:00.001-04:00

I can never bring myself to kick her out either. I just squeeze in there and eventually she leaves.

Need a closer look?

TONKS-HANCE!!

I don't know how she manages to always look adorable and pathetic at the same time. Some sort of space time paradox I'm sure.

dear mr/ms anarchist,

2010-06-27T17:06:00.003-04:00

Hello, how are you? I am fine. I have seen you on the news. Please stop breaking my city.

From the graffiti I’ve seen I take it you would like to abolish banks, police and prison. I’m pretty sure if society descended into such a state you would be the first to go. Running wild and destroying things would only draw the attention of some sort of road warrior gang (who have organized themselves into a coherent group) and you would be robbed, beaten and possibly violated.

Now Mr/Ms Anarchist, I understand that you feel neglected and mistreated by the system. Here are five helpful tips to gain perspective on life in Canada:

Go to Iran or Singapore and protest something.
Get arrested in China and ask the prison guards for a sweatshirt or socks because you are chilly.
Go to Saudi Arabia and complain to a gay guy (if you can find one) about your civil liberties.
Take some homeless people from Toronto down to Mexico and ask people for change. Don’t forget to take the guy who lives in a bachelor apartment in my building and panhandles. And that street kid listening to her ipod who swore at me when I wouldn’t give her any money.
Watch the news.

With just a few simple steps you too can go from this:

To this:

adventures in clarasitting -or- clara go boom

2010-06-10T22:20:00.017-04:00

So it’s been awhile since I harmed myself in any significant way. About due I say.

We’ve had some issues with the local dog hang out, unfriendlies who complained to their landlord and had us banned from some grassy spaces. By us I mean the dog gang, some of whom do live there so if push comes to shove I’m pretty sure it’s not girls’ private school dorm and guests are allowed. But why go where you’re not wanted we say. At least until it blows over a bit.

So we head on over to the high school with the loverly large soccer field that is occasionally left open so we can let the dogs run off leash. There was a large group of us tonight, including a new dog - a 4 month of Great Dane! Adorbs. So we were determined. There is a place in the fence with a gap big enough to slip under. So naturally we decided to scootch under.

I imagine I was quite graceful while shimmying under the gate; hopefully I didn’t flash any body parts that are not normally out and about. Tonks had already gone in and was attempting to catch seagulls and playing with the other pups. About 2 minutes later I see her at the far side of the field pooping, so I start running over while I still know the general location of it. Halfway there (running along a concrete strip rather than the grass, so I can get better traction I think, not slip on damp grass), I feel a wriggling mass of fur and excitement launch itself at my legs. I frantically tried to stay upright but the canine catastrophe won and down I went.

Hard.

Owie owie owie. After some virulent cursing I addressed the damage – a skinned and bloody knee, a skinned and less bloody elbow (I think my horrifically dry elbow skin protected me) and a CHUNK of big toe.

Big toe you say?

My that sounds familiar you say.

Well it is. Remember this? Three years later and I still don’t have a new bed.

That wasn’t the first thing that attacked me. I’ve also been assaulted by an Ikea frame and a bath mat. In tonight’s misadventure it was not a supposedly inanimate object that attacked me, but an adorable puppy. So while the reenactment is necessary you can clearly see there was no malicious intent.

Anyway after the cursing I borrowed a phone to call Jeremy (I called myself first, the pain must have made me delirious) and asked him to come and fix me up. He was unimpressed with my foray into trespassing, but he came bearing band-aids and polysporin.

And lectures.

Which are still going on right now. I should always have band-aids and my phone with me.

Apparently.

princess

2010-06-03T18:51:00.000-04:00

they were cones!

2010-05-29T01:16:00.001-04:00

Just got this email from my sister:

So...I was watching Say Yes to the Dress, when I hear Kaity say, "I can see why they don't like this".
I turn around to see Kaity wearing the dog's Elizabethan Collar...

It was extra special, 'cause she was wearing a Superman T-Shirt.

I responded with the below...

post-coneheads

Ah fambly.

meet remus

2010-05-09T16:10:00.000-04:00

I has a boyfriend, she says.

happy discovery

2010-04-20T12:17:00.006-04:00

So I was perusing some boxes in the apartment, specifically one labeled ‘Purses and Laser Guns’ (really sums us up I think), and I found a little notepad. Now I have more notebooks and pads than anything else. Really. They are all filled with reminders, drunken poetry, score tallies from games, short stories, doodles and dream fragments. A nice mix. I was strolling down memory lane with this little notebook when I came across a poem that I actually really like still. I probably wrote it in a few minutes and may or may not have been drunk. Judging by the legibility I would say sober to mostly sober. Sure there are a few things I’d tweak now but for posterity’s sake I’ll put it down in original context.

Ladies and Gennelmen, I present to you:

Ode to Mario

Red and blue

Little you

So vulnerable to harm

Super power, fire flower

They cower from
Your wrath.

Mario, oh Mario
You know not
What lies ahead
And yet you
Leap

Gaping maws
Of Koopa jaws
Foul turtle shell
A living hell
Amidst a dungeon trap

To save so sweet
A princess peach
And mushroom headed friend.

Neither fire, water, sky nor earth
Can stop the brothers Super
Yoshi thy steed
And noble deed
Shall vanquish terrible Bowser.

I made a disturbing discovery yesterday

2010-04-18T07:45:00.003-04:00

While searching for “belly rubs” on youtube (trying to find a video of the newest advantix commercial) I found some startling videos.

There are just as many videos of people rubbing their own naked bellies as there are poochs getting belly rubs. One or two sure, I can see that. But it was practically 50/50 – is there a fetish I don’t know about where ‘a bowl full of jelly’ is a turn on? Now don’t get me wrong, I have a respectable jelly belly myself, it just never occurred to me to zoom in on it and jiggle it around or rub it, then post it on youtube.

Hmm. Now that I’m aware of this new fad however...

newfeagle

2010-04-01T20:28:00.013-04:00

The results are in!

We sent Tonks’ dna in for testing and got a shocking surprise. NO LAB. None whatsoever. She is in fact mostly beagle. It explains a lot. Mostly the ever present nose to the ground food tracking. The next largest portion of her makeup is Newfoundland. That’s right – Newfie! We’re calling her a Newfeagle. Get on the bandwagon folks. It’s the next designer breed. After Newfie there is a smattering of Poodle, American Eskimo, German Shepherd and Maltese. What a mutty mutt.

The folks at Dna My Dog were awesome, when the first cheek swab didn’t have a viable sample they promptly sent out another kit. Very cool.

Here is a breakdown of what the different levels mean:

Level 1
This category is intended to help owners recognize when their pet's DNA contains a majority of a specific breed (75% or greater). If your dog has a strong match to one of our validated breeds, then it is categorized as Level 1. Most mixed breed dogs will not usually have a breed in this category unless one or both of their parents are purebred.

Level 2
This category reports breeds that are easily recognizable within your dog. While these breeds may have a strong influence on your pet, each breed listed makes up less than the majority of your dog's DNA, between 37%-74%. This usually means one of the parents was a purebred.

Level 3
This category identifies breeds that have between 20%-36% of the listed breed(s), usually coming from a grandparent.

Level 4
Represents 10%-20% of the breed DNA, usually coming from a great grandparent

Level 5
This level represents the lowest level of breed in your dog occurring at 5% or less. However, they still appear at a low and measurable amount in your pet's DNA

So I’ve been trolling the interwebs for pictures of Beagles and Newfies, looking for the resemblance. I can see a bit of her in each of the below pictures, particularly the beagley face and froufy newf neck ruff.

NEWFEAGLE!!!!!!!!

Here are some Tonks shots for comparison. The new ruff is a little collar mushed but you get the idea.

tonkiversary

2010-03-21T08:10:00.002-04:00

Today is our one year mark for life with our marvellous mutt. Tonks has adjusted well to city life.

...Please note the pink nail polish.

twenty-nine

2010-01-26T19:36:00.001-05:00

It’s almost the most glorious day of the year! My birthday! Not only is it the anniversary of my spectacular entry into the world, it is my 29th birthday, which means I’m nearly thirty and will be growned up, but more importantly – it is my champagne birthday! I will be 29 on the 29th! So excited! I much prefer to be an odd numbered age too. Feels more comfortable somehow. We’re doing a pub night so if you want to come email me and I’ll give you the time and place. And instructions for gifts. Just kidding, no presents. I accept beer and potato skins. Or even one of those little plastic cups of sour cream would be awesome.

clara went to cuba

2010-01-22T21:49:00.002-05:00

eff you local scenery

2009-12-30T21:41:00.004-05:00

What a terrible night.

The subway was not running between Bloor and Lawrence; I had a beautiful pup at home who needed walks and noms so I did what any self respecting dog lady would do – I started walking home. From Bloor. To Eglinton. Ugh.

Just past Rosedale I was getting into the spirit of the walk, looking at the shops and restaurants I never usually pass by, enjoying the crisp winter air when I was attacked.

I was distracted by this great looking restaurant called ‘Avant gout’ (which makes me picture King Henry with a giant turkey leg and platters of delicious meats and breads and pitchers of wine) when I felt a horrible pain in my leg. I had walked right into a horizontal pole sticking out onto the sidewalk. It was one of those parking lot gate arms. It ripped my pants (one of only two pairs I have for work!) and took a huge gouge out of my leg. It’s very bloody and impressive.

It made me realize how Canadian I am though. When I walked into the bar I gave a vehement ‘FUCK’ then immediately apologized. I don’t know who I was saying sorry to – the pole? Any passersby who may have been scandalized by my language? Who knows. But only Canadians will get stepped on, bumped, pushed or prodded and apologize to the one who did it. Yay (?) us!

our tree

2009-12-28T15:38:00.003-05:00

We use a different action figure/toy for our tree each year. This time it's Freddie's turn. Well he is a STAR.

santa paws

2009-12-24T14:25:00.002-05:00

otis

2009-12-05T10:51:00.001-05:00

On December 13th 2005 I was told I had lump in my neck. I named it Milo. Through a series of hijinx and misadventures I found out it was cancerous, had surgery, had some extra bits taken out by accident and struggled with the results. Now you’re all caught up.

Almost.

On Wednesday I found out that I have another lump in the same place (right thyroid bed). It’s about 1.9 cm and could be a lymph node or leftover thyroid tissue. Apparently it’s been there since March 2008 but no one bothered to tell me (not impressed); it’s gotten bigger since then so they have now informed me. I say it but I mean Otis. Well really naming my first nodule Milo was maybe not a great idea, since my body probably grew another one just so I could complete the partnership. Ah well.

I have a biopsy and ct scan this month and hopefully I’ll know in January if Otis is a good puppy or bad like Milo. Should be interesting.

so close

2009-11-30T16:57:00.002-05:00

I got a call from Pizzaville today. They were in my lobby with my pizza and trying to buzz in. After I'm all 'Dude I'm at work. I didn't order any pizza' I checked with Jeremy to see if maybe he ended up calling in sick and wanted food but he was at work too.

We've decided Tonks was trying to order herself a pizza.

Nice try puppy. Better luck next time...

1999

2009-11-22T08:57:00.001-05:00

Promtastic!

vimy

2009-11-11T09:07:00.004-05:00

On this day of remembrance I am recommending a book to read. A book that has humour and war in it’s pages. It is Vimy by Pierre Berton. Jeremy had to twist my arm to read it; I never read non-fiction and military history would be about the last thing I would ever care to read about.

Boy am I glad he was right (in this isolated case).

Between the description of battlegrounds to anecdotes of Canadian civilians turned soldiers you are kept riveted to the real life events surrounding the battle of Vimy Ridge.

Read it for the story of how Canadian soldiers burned down a movie tent because the same movie was shown one to many times or read it for the off the wall battlefield tactics and techniques we used.

Just read it.

halloweird

2009-11-01T07:22:00.015-05:00

We spent Halloween with Jeremy's parents. We ate chili on mashed potatoes, drank wine, played Password and watched Abbot and Costello.

For the walk I insisted Tonks wear her Pupperina costume, and I’m glad she did because she got TONS of attention.

First we ran into her best friend Delilah and they had a quick romp. Later we met a dog who the owner told us ‘loved dancers’ and a little chocolate chip cookie who excitedly pointed out the ballerina dog to her parents. It was very cute.

For once I didn’t mind Jeremy walking ahead of me as the sight of him and Tonks walking was especially adorable.

For a costume I pulled together a last minute Mr. Peanut – who is pure evil as we all know.

I carved a delightful jack-o’-lantern in record time. I asked David if it should be funny or scary, he said both so this is what I came up with. I imagine it making the sort of chittering noise that Boo (from Mario) makes. Tonks kept trying to lick its insides, which didn’t surprise anyone.

They only had two rings of the doorbell and I hadn’t handed out treats on Halloween since grade 5 when I hung out with my Grandpa and helped him hand out candy to all the neighbourhood kids (including lots of my classmates, which was odd), but I digress.

I jumped up to hand out candy, and making the appropriate fuss over the kid’s costume, I dipped into the candy bowl and pulled out two fun sized treats for him. When I came back to the festivities it was to find the scorn and shock of the in-laws that I had only given the child two treats. Jeremy was in his element – teasing Clara. He enjoys it so much, and after 5 years I am still just as susceptible and easy to get riled. Sigh. The guilt of being a candy Grinch only lessened after our second doorbell ring. This time it was three teenage girls in only somewhat trampy costumes. I wasn’t going to get up this time, and open myself to more teasing. But when David went to the door he didn’t bring the candy so when I heard the hollered ‘where’s the stuff?’ I ran up with the candy and gave a generous handful to each girl. Of course this time when I returned Jeremy told me I gave away too much candy and the rest of the kids wouldn’t get enough. I ignored him.

When I got home I watched my Halloween present – Trick r Treat. Great movie! Totally creepy and gross but funny too.

All in all a great night. As a bonus I got to take large amounts of leftover candy home – which I am eating for breakfast. Yay Halloween!

interweb fame

2009-10-28T10:41:00.004-04:00

That chew toy was too easy, new level plz.

I'm trying not to make every post about Tonks, but it's hard when she's so famous. I submitted some pics to Faildogs.com awhile ago and promptly forgot all about it.

Imagine my joy when I get my daily barrage of email cuteness today only to see my own dearest troublemaker! Adorbaterrible.

i iz a pupperina

2009-10-17T16:14:00.000-04:00

...the last thing I thought I would ever hear you say

2009-10-07T19:15:00.012-04:00

This title is a direct quote from my mother. What prompted this you ask? Well I told her that Jeremy and I have started playing floor hockey. Like, of our own free will and junk.

Fun and excitement! I’ve got some serious bruises and we’ve yet to score a goal - but I’m quite enjoying it. As you can clearly see.

Lindsay has one inexplicably sweaty armpit. Intriguing...

Craig and Jeremy took the opportunity to 'accidentally' rub up against one another. Shameless.

We quickly realized that the ball was vital to gameplay. Without it we were just standing around with the stick things.

All in all, great sweaty fun. I iz a jock. Grrr.

SQUEE.

2009-10-02T19:50:00.000-04:00

tonksday party

2009-09-21T22:22:00.011-04:00

Cake and rabies, oh boy!

happy birthday tonks!

2009-09-21T11:04:00.002-04:00

This is the very first picture we took of her, on the ride home from her foster family. She was so sweet and well behaved....little did we know the monster we had taken in.

Two years old, my goodness. She gets her presents tonight..so exciting!

i iz a lego

2009-09-19T07:54:00.002-04:00

Here’s me as a lego piece. I found the Lego character generator via generator blog, the place to go for time wasting random generation of goodies. I have spent many hours there.

Anyway I had much fun designing myself, though I turned out a little slutty.

And just for fun I made LEGO RIKER! It actually started as Jeremy but Number 1 just sort of took over.

full circle

2009-09-12T21:13:00.002-04:00

You know that ancient proverb?

‘life is like a revolving door, you go around and around, things can happen and you may even get out sometime’

Okay it’s not that ancient.

The first time I came to Toronto (nearly a decade ago) Jeremy took me to the Eaton Centre. He blithely strolled in front of me into the mall through the revolving door. I had a moment of hesitation as I took in the mode of entry before smoothly entering the building. At least that’s how I remember it. Jeremy maintains that I looked terrified and managed to grope my way into the mall with a clown-like flourish. I’m sure it was something in between the two recollections.

Anyway in my first year of working in Toronto I jumped the gun a little when entering the revolving door at my office building. I ended up crammed up behind some suit who looked rather bewildered and possibly afraid of me. I laughed rather awkwardly and felt my face flame. It was not my finest hour.

Over the years I’ve become a revolving door ninja. I can make split second decisions, exit and enter with arms laden with packages, I don’t hit my heels and I use the perfect amount of force to ensure a smooth ride for those ahead of and behind me.

So imagine my surprise when I had another embarrassing revolving door incident last week. This time it was me who was looking behind me at some punk kid who was red of face and stuttering his apologies. His friends waited for him (gasping for breath as they dissolved into hysterics) as I huffed and proclaimed “what on earth!”. He apologized and called me ma’am. The ma’am in conjunction with my old lady exclamation struck me as I was walking away with ruffled feathers. I could see the humour. I chuckled to myself and recalled my own such incident years before.

Ah life.

pugsitting

2009-08-16T16:15:00.010-04:00

Tonks is ever so excited to have company.

Ever so excited.

This is Kermit.

He did at one point settle down. I have photographic evidence.

Also I swear I did vacuum that day. The dogs were just kind enough to re-fur everything.

s-m-r-t

2009-08-10T08:58:00.003-04:00

According to a recent study dogs are about as intelligent as 2 year old children. I can believe it. Sometimes Tonks is super smart but other times I wonder if she’s special.

Jeremy directed my attention to the above article and pointed out that Tonks’ lineage puts her on the 10 most intelligent breeds list and the 10 least intelligent breeds list (Labrador and Beagle).

So it looks like one of her parents was ‘an intellectual that was attracted to bimbos’. Ah true love knows no boundaries, even with gogs. Thank goodness for that, otherwise we wouldn’t have this delightful dog.

Um, this must be one of her beagle moments.

Pulse Perfection Mascara

2009-07-27T10:00:00.004-04:00

Once again I have the distinct pleasure of trying a new product and giving my opinion. This time I got extra product to share and get more reviews on. This time it was Maybelline's new vibrating masacara - Pulse Perfection. I handed out the mascara to all my ladies – sisters, pseudo sisters in-law, co-workers, bosses etc. Here’s what they thought:

Hayley
“Found the formula very wet so it clumped if I wasn't careful, but it made my eyelashes look glossy and long. Good for an "every day" look.”

“For the record, there is no difference between normal mascara and vibrating mascara when you jab it into your eyeball”

Rebecca
“Really wet and dramatic. A little fussy to use but good.”

Jenna-Lee
“The actual mascara seems very liquidy, and my lashes stick together like when you come out of the pool. I tried only holding the vibrating part at the base for a second and then pulling it through the length of the lashes without the vibration, but it still took a long time to get my eyelashes separated. It might be because of my lashes. They're really long, but very thin. I never have any trouble saturating my lashes, but I need bulk to add to the thickness. When I wash it off tonight, I'll let you know what I think about that process.”
Mum
“did not like the vibrating part. the mascara it self and the brush I liked.”

Sonia
“Amazing!”

Veda
“I use it without the vibration and I like it.” “I don’t like extra steps to get the same result.”

Aviva
“tried it once so far and I think it's great!”

I concur for the most part. I loved the mascara and the brush…but the vibrating really didn’t add anything. I tested it on the back of my hand swiping with the vibrating and without. No difference. I did one eye with, one without and quizzed everyone I saw that day. No one could tell them apart.

Whether I used the vibrating function or not I got especially long, very glossy lashes. That is probably the best thing about it. Glossy lashes. I sort of noticed it, then I went and tried some of my other mascaras again (yes I have many) before going back to the Maybelline. Wow no comparison. I think they should drop the vibrating aspect (and the price) and market it as super gloss for lashes. They could even up the glossy factor. It’s something unique I’ve never gotten from another mascara. I’m not shocked that the mascara itself is a great formula; Maybelline seems to always deliver when it comes to mascara.

So bottom line? Love it, but don’t need the vibration.

happy birthday jeremy

2009-07-07T12:04:00.004-04:00

Sit down little ones, gather ye near,
For the delightful tale you are about to hear.

Listen to my fantastic story,
Of a boy named Jeremy, in all his glory.

This day he was born, he caused a sensation,
With the largest head in all of creation.

His mother, exhausted, cradled him close,
His father counted, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

The years marched on, he flourished and grew,
Sometimes rebelling, as kids often do.

He fought with a wit, sharp and sarcastic,
His sisters’ bane (it was less than fantastic).

He can cook
He can bake
He can fix up a Mac.

He can pout
And annoy,
But he’ll still make you laugh.

For the good and the bad, through the years we have found -
We may just decide, to keep him around.

still here

2009-06-25T12:54:00.002-04:00

Ugh. I’ve been really busy so I haven’t posted anything. I hate that. Writing is the one thing that I’ve always felt should be present, be it a quick note, an alliterative sentence or a dirty limerick. For me there is no excuse. If I wait until I have time to sit and write it just won’t happen. And I’m lazy and relatively obligation free.

I went to Canada’s Wonderland a few weeks ago, for the first time in about 15 years if you can believe it. The prospects for hilarious and clever posts were endless - Jeremy freaked out and wouldn’t go on many of the rides and I wore a low cut top and my boobs kept popping out on the bumpier rides. Fun fun fun. But I put it off and now that’s all I got.

I’ve got to review mascara for the friendly neighbourhood word of mouth marketing company, it’s vibrating. Very cool. I just need to get my sisters’ opinions first. That one is still to come.

Oh and it’s really hot. And STINKY. For those of you who don’t know, I live in Toronto and we are currently in the midst of a garbage strike. I’ve seen the plastic wrapped garbage bins (that people shove garbage in anyway) but it hasn’t really affected me as I’m in an apartment and for now they are taking care of the trash. I just put it down the chute as usual. But this morning I was walking Tonks and the various dumpsters around the area were reeking to high heaven. Quite nasty. I hope they resolve things soon. Before we all start looking like that lady thing in Labyrinth.

Anyway this weekend will be full of strawberry picking and Dungeons and Dragons. Excitement! For the moment I have the day off and am doing sweet sweet nothing. Mmmm dipsalusious.

o…n…g…

2009-06-10T10:27:00.001-04:00

We had the pleasure and good fortune to attend a Luminato event the other night. An evening with Neil Gaimen. Jeremy, Rebecca and I all gathered our hopeful books, graphic novels, comics and more, tromped on down to the Jane Mallet theatre and excitedly waited for the man of the hour.

He was as rumpled and charming as I’d hoped, much funnier than we expected, and all in all well worth the time and money spent to attend. We did several readings, which were simply fantastic, the man has an incredible voice I could listen to for hours. I’d love to hear him and Alan Rickman have a conversation. Sigh.

Anyway when it came time for the autograph session we had to choose one item to get signed (we had brought three each, just in case). Jeremy opted for Good Omens, so Terry Pratchett can sign it when he meets him this summer at the Discworld convention. Rebecca chose the dangerous alphabet and I decided to go for something different.

Voila.

A picture of Neil and his dog (a rescue) Cabal. He seemed a little surprised to see a picture of them (“it’s a picture of me! And my dog!”) but I quickly filled him in on the story of Tonks and told him that she liked to see picture of Cabal on his blog. I showed him a picture of her and he said she was beautiful and asked where we got her. We chatted for a bit and then he asked ‘Can I keep this?’ holding the picture of Tonks.

Gasp!

I nearly split my face grinning. ‘Yeah! It’s for you!’ I said rather eagerly. Then I moved on and watched as Jeremy got his book signed, saying nothing only smiling rather idiotically. Rebecca somehow managed to get Neil to take off his sweater when she got up there and didn’t leave before shoving her hand out to shake his hand. So forceful. Rebecca I mean.

We left, giddy and squealing and reminiscing about our brief yet unforgettable moments with Neil Gaimen. I showed Tonks the picture when I got home. I think she was very excited. She hasn’t tried to eat it so I think it’s clear she appreciates the value.

five years...dear god...

2009-06-06T10:21:00.005-04:00

Approximately 5 years ago today (I say approximately because I drank a lot more back then and the details are a little fuzzy), Jeremy and I said hey let’s be together. Again. For those who haven’t heard the story before, we met and dated in University then broke up and reconnected once I moved to Toronto many years later. A few days later we were living together. Okay maybe not exactly that quick but it sure felt like it.

So here we are 5 years later. Holy mother. Time sure flies. Sure it’s been fun. it’s also been exasperating, hilarious, annoying and cozy. Heck it’s even been sublime.

So I guess I’ll stick around. Heh.

ridiculous

2009-05-30T16:43:00.002-04:00

What. The. Eff.

I don't know how I feel about this.

edgrr and dooger and tonks OH MY!

2009-05-26T19:21:00.005-04:00

This weekend we went to the farm and Tonks met Dooger, my sister’s new pup (also a rescue via petfinder).

Doog (short for Doogie Howser MD) is a Toy Fox Terrier mix and one funny dog. He’s about the same age as Tonks so while the boys did stick together against the female interloper the playfulness of puppydom won out and they had a grand ole time.

Unfortunately Tonks’ adventuring had some consequences…when we got home we found SEVEN ticks on her. Actually attached. During the weekend there were two more but they were just looking for a place to sink their mandibles into.

tattoo cover up

2009-05-20T21:32:00.006-04:00

A la Raidel.

Before:

After Part 1:

After Part 2:

All done!

That’s Lindsay in case you were wondering.

Badass.

The tattoo not her. Well both.

and so it begins...

2009-05-08T13:20:00.001-04:00

tonks on the farm

2009-04-27T08:51:00.004-04:00

This weekend we took Tonks to my parents farm for the first time. It was just overnight, but she got to meet Edgrr and romp in the great outdoors. And man did she romp.

When we arrived Edgrr seemed a little taken aback that we brought a dog with us, but he was pretty cool with it – until she went near his Mr. Squeaky or food dish. He would growl and Tonks, being oblivious to aggression in other dogs, would ignore him. He quickly learned not to leave any food in his dish or it would be gone.

By the end of the visit Edgrr was okay with her playing with his toys and eating his food, but when she found his coveted deer leg (yes it’s real) he was not impressed.

They had some epic battles.

At one point I took advantage of their play to wake Jeremy up. He’s the lump under the covers.

She really did enjoy the farm, she seems a little bored of her walks since we got back in the city. I’m pretty sure I heard her say ‘lame’ at one point. I’m sure she misses her new friend, but most of all I think she misses the massive mud puddles.

this is SPARTA

2009-04-19T08:12:00.002-04:00

Jeremy got a haircut yesterday; it accentuates his beardiness.

rotten hound

2009-04-12T09:19:00.012-04:00

Yesterday Tonks was unhappy with me.

We had been playing after her morning walk and I got sleepy and ended the play session to lie on the couch. I pulled a blanket over myself and starting watching TV. She started playing tug of war with the blanket, after a good ten minutes I gave up and let her drag it to the floor, thinking I’d get a toy to distract her. So she pulled it on the ground and proceeded to PEE ON IT. Right in front of me!

Cheeky dog. I was sputtering with indignation, but quite at a loss.

When she starting tugging on my blanket this morning I rushed her outside and waited until she peed. See I’m trainable too.

She did get her first bath (with us) last week and was a super good puppy. Look how shiny!

manhandle

2009-04-09T09:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was heading home with a large box of Easter chocolately goodness my Mummy had sent me.

It wasn’t monstrous but it did completely fill my arms. As I was nearing the entrance to Dundas Station I saw a weirdo handing out something and I thought “Well I don’t even have to pretend I don’t see him, my hands are full so clearly I can’t accept anything”.

He was kind of slurring and of questionable hygiene, handing out little bottles of energy drinks from a cardboard box.

Now there have been lots of product giveaways at Yonge and Dundas, usually accompanied by signage and people wearing matching t-shirts and cheerful dispositions. This was a far cry from that so I was not interested in these mystery ‘energy drinks’.

I move to walk right by and he tries to get my attention so I say ‘Sorry’ and continue down the steps. He doesn’t get out of my way, oh no he is determined that I am going to have this drink. He hovers over me and ends up sticking this little bottle RIGHT IN MY CLEAVAGE!

I gasped.

I said "Um, innapporiate!", set my box down, plucked out the offending bottle and tossed it back at him with a finger wag and a stern NO!

The cheek of him!

catdog

2009-04-04T08:48:00.001-04:00

I’m convinced Tonks is part cat. She does this thing where she’ll hold one toy and then bat around a ball with her paws. Very feline.

Oh and yesterday she ate a bird.

Well technically Jeremy took it away from her before she could eat it but she did kill it. They were walking and a bird of some sort (Jeremy claims it was a condor) flew in front of Tonks and she leapt into the air and caught it. An instant, bloodless demise. Jeremy was traumatized. It’s hard to reconcile the pup that is at this moment lying on the couch with her head on a pillow watching tv, with a mighty huntress. I guess she’s just tuckered from all the murdering.

tonks

2009-03-23T09:05:00.004-04:00

While I have always liked the name Tonks I thought for sure she’d end up as Bella, as she is so ladylike, dainty and graceful. While she is still all of these things, as she gets more comfortable in her new home her gorkiness has come shining through. For example she will play on the couch so exuberantly that she sort of rolls off, then stays down there and starts chewing her own leg.

While she doesn’t spend the entire night with us she’ll hop up on the bed and hang out while we fall asleep. I usually have to shove her off my pillow and then she will sprawl on her back between us. Gork!

So she is officially Nymphadora Tonks. Adorbs!

labeagle!

2009-03-22T16:22:00.015-04:00

We are happy to say that we were are the proud new parents of a rescue pup, she’s from a pound in Ohio. Take Me Home will pull pooches out of shelters all over the place and put them in foster homes until loving people’s, such as us, come along to adopt them. Our girl is a black lab beagle mix, as far we we know; she's a year old and is pretty much full grown.

We're working on a name, we've decided on either Nymphadora Tonks (Tonks for short) or Bellatrix (Bella). Any input dearies?

We went out to a friend's last night, we wanted to give her space to get settled, plus as she will be on her own for several hours on weekdays we didn't want it to be a shock on Monday when we both leave.

When we left we just calmly went out the door, not making a big goodbye scene - she still noticed and was at the door when we left. She whimpered once, maybe twice, then was quiet. We got back a little later then we wanted, we were basically gone for as long as we will be away at work. I was a little nervous as we approached - would there be poo? A destroyed couch?

When we came in, again calmly not rushing to her right away, she was sitting on the couch watching TV. We examined the place and found one chewed up kleenex. That was it. I think that she was genetically engineered to be a perfect lady!! Except for a little gas (which Jeremy reassured her foster mom was no big deal, as I was gassy myself).

we're parents!!

2009-03-21T12:36:00.001-04:00

More to come...

omg - look what i just won on ebay...

2009-03-09T19:29:00.001-04:00

Not many things in life are perfect, but this...this is simply divine.

makes me want to go to the dentist

2009-03-07T02:08:00.004-05:00

...and have kids.

edgrr

2009-03-02T23:20:00.011-05:00

Two weeks ago Jeremy and I had the privilege, nay the pleasure - of dog sitting Edgrr. He’s a corgi/shepherd mix as far as we know. He was a rescue dog my sister adopted; Jeremy and I were recently approved for a dog adoption through an organization so we’re practicing. Now that we’ve been approved we just have to find and get paired with the right pooch for us. I can hardly wait!

Hopefully our dog will appreciate how lucky he/she is to have owners who let it on the furniture. When I showed my mum these pictures she exclaimed it was a ‘wonder Edgrr tolerates being at the farm’.

Sure he has 40 acres to romp through but nobody spoons with him.

creepo

2009-02-19T16:29:00.001-05:00

I was walking home from the subway the other day and in my peripheral vision I saw a creepy guy coming towards me on the sidewalk. He had a hood on and was rather shaggy looking; I inconspicuously edged away from him as he neared me. To my dismay he mirrored me and moved to block my path. My head snapped up, nostrils flaring, ready for battle –

And came face to face with Jeremy.

Methinks it’s time for a shave. Not sure if there is anything we can do about the slouchy skulking walk though.

jason 'give it to me' voorhees

2009-02-14T16:04:00.006-05:00

The new Friday the 13th movie was just fantastic. Funny, gory, scary and gratuitous. Well done. Derek Mears had the perfect Jason stance and truly does justice to this icon of terror.

Bravo.

Luckily the theatre was kind enough to provide a movie poster for us to abuse again.

I can’t tell who’s enjoying it more...

happy friday the 13th!!

2009-02-13T11:03:00.002-05:00

Ah yes. A wonderful day of celebration.

I’ve decided to write a new limerick rather than rehash my original Jason limerick like I’ve done before. I think this just might be a new tradition (magical sounds of new tradition forming, kerplink...wrghhhrrr...GUH) – oh! It is! It is a new tradition!

There once was killer named Voorhees
Who wanted to punish camp trampies,
She got rid of a lot,
Plus the ones who smoked pot,
Thus starting a spree oh so gory.

bday fun recap

2009-02-09T15:14:00.010-05:00

So my birthday was frickin awesome.

The In-Laws spoiled me as usual, with dinner and presents galore. Highlights of the evening were my yellow and Jesus themed wrapping paper and a picture of MOI!

This cartoonesque portrait was done by a client of Denise’s and I must say is he ever talented. Through pictures and personality info provided by Jer’s family he created this marvelous rendition. A stunning likeness if I do say so myself. I’ve always felt like I was a space pirate/cyborg trapped in a cube dwellers body. It’s true.

I’m planning a ‘hot girl’ wall of artwork. Jeremy has a sexy girl Captain N Gamemaster, Indianette Jones and I have Dreamgirl and a cute Anime girl in a purple jumpsuit. Space Clara will go along nicely if I do say so myself.

Now I didn’t think I would be seeing my family on my birthday weekend, in fact I thought it strange that we hadn’t made any plans or at least lamented the lack of Clara on this special day. Well I was wrong.

On Sunday Jeremy made me get up and go out. Wouldn’t tell me where. I was unwashed in grubby clothes and had to be dragged out. He said it was a romantic surprise. So as we get to Yonge and Eg and don’t head on the subway I finally figure it out – the Mandarin! Fun! I’d never been.

So we walk in and I blindly follow Jeremy around the restaurant until he pops into a room and declares us ‘here’. I saw my dad at one of the tables. I sort of stared uncomprehendingly for a moment and then the rest of my family jumped up from behind the tables and yelled surprise. I was flabbergasted. I’ve never used that word in a situation that adequately harnessed its linguistic potential. But there you have it. I was. Flabbergasted. I stared at everyone for awhile then covered my mouth and started tearing up. Once I got past the shock I was just so genuinely happy to see my family and spend some time with them. Even the niece and nephews were there. Adorable.

They made me some charming object d’art. Nephew One created a sculpture for my desk and Only Niece made a hanging piece with a working bell on the end. Truly magnifique non?

After gorging myself on dumplings we played “Clarinko’. Much like Plink from the Price is Right but with a smaller board and poker chips. Each chip would land in a category on the bottom. The one I got the most was ‘The 80’s’ and I totally rocked it. For example one question was 'Name the 4 Ninja Turtles and their corresponding colours. Please. I even named their weapons. Oh snap.

When I got a correct answer I won Danier Dollars and after lunch Jenna and Kaity took me to the Danier outlet to pick out a leather jacket. I have never had a brand new leather jacket. I was pretty thrilled. I happened to pick the one that Jeremy was championing and I have yet to hear the end of it. When I put it on he compliments me lavishly then says it’s a good thing he came too otherwise who knows what I would have come home with. Cheeky thing.

Ah yes, Jeremy. Well the boy did very well this year. He indulged my weakness for barbarians and shiny things. This limited edition Conan really does justice to that kooky Cimmerian. I deliberately positioned him in from of the mirror so as not to hide his rippling back muscles. Now the necklace is one of TWO citrine lovelies that Jeremy gave me. I was pretty stunned. I had just that week been harassing him and emailing links to Birks ordering him to buy me jewellery. I’m so gracious.

an ode to me, on this - the day of my birth

2009-01-29T14:19:00.004-05:00

Such awesomeness, I can’t describe
As that which in me doth reside.

An eternity you say -
Is not enough with me to play?

I blame you not, it is such fun,
To frolic with me in the sun

Or snow or rain and sleet is neat
As long as me with you, you keep.

My buoyant curls, and cheeky grin
Inflame all hearts and souls within.

Such witty humor, sometimes crass
And let's not forget my rockin’ ass.

The lucky few who’ve seen my boobies,
Have declared them as precious as diamonds or rubies.

This keen mind, and delightful giggle
Cannot be hated, not even a little.

So rejoice with me, the birthday girl
The blessed day I entered the world.

Clara in a word

cocoon III

2009-01-28T12:00:00.004-05:00

For Christmas I got Jeremy a hammock. This weekend it was finally put away. I was honestly worried it was going to live in my living room and be the ‘gaming’ hammock.

Jeremy likes to be cocooned in any way shape or form so I thought this would be perfect.

It was indeed appreciated; sometimes I would come into the room and see only a suspicious eye peering out at me, and then muffled giggles.

tubular (i had to say it)

2009-01-19T16:47:00.009-05:00

I‘ve been asked to do another product review, and who am I to turn down free samples. When I heard what the item was I was so excited as I’ve been dying to try this:

L’Oreal Beauty Tubes Mascara

How can anything in a tube be bad? Tubes are fun and enjoyable for the whole family and I have it on good authority that Linda Evangelista personally requested my input. And by ‘good authority’ I mean my own head…but I digress.

When I first got my glam pack with samples I was all a flutter, in such a way that only cosmetics and purses can do to me. There was a little case, smokey eyeshadow quartet and liquid liner. The beauty tubes seemed so neat I had to try it.

I have my biases when it comes to cosmetics. For example Maybelline Lip products all smell like Nair so I steer clear of them and L’Oreal lip stuff I will buy sight unseen because they smell and taste so delicious. I usually go to covergirl or Clinique for mascara but this seemed like a perfect opportunity to try something new.

So I slap on the top coat go about my other makeup business, then slap on the colour. Goes on nice (with the exception of the first time I put it on when I had cereal in between coats and it dried too much and was weird. Stick with the 30 seconds between base and top coat that they recommend on the packaging). It didn’t blow me away at first, seemed nice, above average but not jaw droppingly fantastic. That day I went to get my hair done and as my hair was getting washed the stylist leaned down and said “Wow do you ever have long lashes!”

Gasp!

No one has ever said that to me before, at first I accused her of being a L’Oreal plant but her confused laughter convinced me she was indeed giving a genuine compliment. Score one for beauty tubes, unsolicited compliments are a huge indicator. I went home, checked my face for crumbles and smudges (my biggest problem with eye makeup) and there were NONE! By now I was well on the road to being seriously impressed. The best part came when I went to remove my mascara. Now I use a facecloth and water to remove my eye makeup, nothing else. Usually there are huge black smears on my white facecloth and chunks of mascara at the root of my lashes, such is life. When I looked at the facecloth my jaw did indeed drop – there were tons of tiny ‘strings’ of mascara…or dare I say TUBES?!?!?! I’m serious.

No they didn't glide off my lash in a gentle splash of water as they appear to be doing in this picture. However I’ve never had mascara come off like this. There was a little on my lashes and I pulled it off like a gummy worm. My lashes were completely clean afterward. Wild. Yes it took a little more time than my regular mascara and if I’m heading out for an afternoon on the weekend I may just throw on my simple one coat mascara. But the rest of the time (if I’m going to be out for the evening or at work all day) I will be using this.

So I officially give my thumbs up to L’Oreal Beauty Tubes. Don’t be scared by the two step process it is still a quick thing to do - I am above all else a lazy, lazy girl.

those with heart conditions should view the following images at their own risk

2009-01-11T00:50:00.012-05:00

I like birds. Little flighty feather fluffs that flit about and roll around in the dirt. Love em. I’ve taken my particular obsession with goldfinches perching on thistle to the next level by tattooing custom artwork on my body, so I can see them anytime I want – even if abducted by aliens and left nude in some sort of biologically constructed prison cell.

But I digress.

Today I made an incredible discovery – the Kinglet. Where on earth has this tiny birdball been all my life?!??

When I first saw it my eyes sort of glazed over and I gasped for air. The adorable quickly overwhelmed me and I slipped into some sort of cute coma. When I regained consciousness my hand was next to my computer screen making pinching gestures towards a delicious Kinglet-belly. As my mind slowly refocused I became aware of a high pitched ‘squeeing’ noise. Turns out it was me.

I think I’ll be okay, I’ve managed to get my heart rate back to normal and my leg has stopped twitching. I’ve made one of these my desktop background to avoid withdrawal symptoms. I periodically minimize my browser so I can see it; I just feel better knowing it’s there.

So there it is. The Kinglet. My life will never be the same. There is a creature in this world that is indeed 99% belly and manages flight.

My mind is totally blown.

I haven’t managed to stop squeeing yet but these things take time.

frosty the jerman

2009-01-08T19:18:00.005-05:00

I spent this New Years in a hot tub outside in -25 degree cold with a water bottle full of wine.

Oh yeah baby. That’s class.

We were all covered in frost by the time we came in. And by came in I mean "ran screaming from the hot tub to the cabin and tried not to freeze to the metal doorknob on the way in".

please stay off the ttc…

2008-12-24T13:33:00.002-05:00

…if you are an asshole.

Unsure if you fall into this unpleasant category? Well ask yourself these questions:

• Are you unreasonably angry when you are touched by another human being on a crowded subway?
• Do you voice your discontent to the general public/offending person/your loud and similarly obnoxious friend?
• Do you ram your way on the subway car and stop moving as soon as you are safely aboard, with no thought to the hopeful passengers behind you?
• Do you make a mad dash to get off the train, throwing elbows and not saying ‘excuse me’?
• Do you lean against a pole rather than hanging on, so that no one else can use it?
• Do you argue at full volume with the bus driver/booth attendant?
• Do you leave your backpack or huge purse on so that it may hit other people, often rubbing their backsides inappropriately?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations – you are an asshole. Please drive or take a taxi.

Sure there are a lot of annoying things people do on public transit, its part of it. Don’t be surprised when it’s crowded or you get jostled, hundreds of thousands of people take the TTC each day. If a driver asks you to pay or stop listening to loud music, just do it. Make a complaint later if need be but don’t sit there and argue with them, you won’t win and you’ll just delay everyone else.

Now I’m sure we’ll all continue to run into assholes on the TTC, and I’m equally sure that I and other passengers will continue to be disgusted or amused at the ignorance displayed. However I must ask, as ineffectual as the plea may be – please, please for the love of public decency take a taxi and spare us.

whatever happened to ed?

2008-12-02T11:34:00.001-05:00

Ted Rogers passed away. I’m shocked. His first name is actually Edward!?! Since when is Ted short for Edward?

Apparently shortening of names is not the only way to get a nickname. There was a trend for rhyming nicknames and swapping of letters.

“There was a trend of creating rhyming nicknames (arbitrarily changing the first letter) in the 13th and 14th centuries. That's where we get all these surprising forms like Dick (and Hick!) from Richard, Polly from Molly (for Mary), Bob, Dob and Hob from Rob (from Robert), Bill from Will (from William); and Hodge from Roger.” WikiAnswers

There is a great sense of history when examining linguistics.

“Nicknames of this sort are among the oldest parts of language still used. Jack remained a nickname for John for centuries after its original connection and lost. Until the 20th century, one could still find Neds and Nans for Edwards and Anns, again, although the original connotations have long since past. Some connections are so old that we do not really understand how it happened, as in Peggy/Margaret or Polly/Mary or Billy/William” Edgar’s Namebook

Fascinating.

No really. I’ve always been interested in names. I’ve been buying baby name books since I was in public school. Even though I never knew the Ted/Edward connection it shouldn’t have surprised me so much. I knew about Bess and Elizabeth and Dolly for Dorothy. And those seem just as odd.

Ah Ted Rogers, posthumously stimulating the masses with sociolinguistics. Is there anything you can’t do?

more macro fun

2008-11-27T12:24:00.008-05:00

From Thanksgiving weekend this year, on the farm near the pond. So purty.

words that make me giggle

2008-11-22T09:50:00.002-05:00

crampons
pew bows
ball-peen hammer

I'm sure there are more but I just read ball-peen hammer somewhere and giggled. Then that made me think of pew bows and crampons. Hee hee.

2008-11-18T13:25:00.002-05:00

This weekend Jeremy and I took a few precious days off from braving the wrath of the Lich King to be elves in Stevensville.

Adorable!

I mean me of course.

happy halloween!

2008-10-31T11:19:00.005-04:00

I picked up some horns at Shoppers, just to get in the spirit. Once I put them on I felt I looked more like an earwig than a devil/demon.

Then I looked up pictures of earwigs and realized that the pincer part I resembled was in fact the ass part of the earwig. Charming. I may be an earwig butt but I'm in the spirit baby! Yay Halloween!

ghost tour ‘08

2008-10-27T12:42:00.018-04:00

This Saturday Jeremy, Craig, Lindsay and I went on a ghost tour in the hopes of experiencing some Toronto hauntings.

We boarded a yellow school bus at 9am and headed to lower bay station with high expectations. We wandered through the abandoned station, marveling at the unexplored terrain and assiduously taking notes.

After awhile we began to suspect that the lady in a red dress stories were more lore than legitimate. However when we braved the dark recesses of the tunnel we were pleasantly surprised by an encounter.

Yes. It’s true. Kleenex Ghost haunts lower bay station. Jeremy dutifully recorded our findings for further studies.

After we had seen him he seemed comfortable making his presence known in other places at the station. It was truly a remarkable experience.

After bidding Kleenex Ghost adieu we boarded our bus once again and headed to Colborne Lodge in High Park. Before we began our tour we took a stroll around the grounds. We were startled by a fleeting glimpse of a kleenex ghost. He seemed eerily familiar – could this be the Kleenex Ghost?

We noted this for further discussion. Upon entering the lodge we studied the paintings of John Howard and heard about his and Jemima’s life. We were surprised to see a kleenex ghost sitting on the original 1860’s furniture. After all we had been expressly told NOT to sit on the furniture. I began to suspect this was indeed our Kleenex Ghost from lower bay station. He seemed to be a bit of a troublemaker. A rebel even.

Our suspicions were confirmed when we had a look at the washroom and found Kleenex Ghost masquerading as Toilet Paper ghost. Oh Kleenex Ghost. We know it’s you. Sigh.

Our last stop was the Elgin and Wintergarden Theatres downtown. We had heard of many hauntings on this spot so were anxious to search for activity. After all we had great luck so far in the day.

We weren’t disappointed. Shortly after we arrived we spotted Kleenex Ghost lounging in the lobby of the Elgin Theatre. We were having incredible luck with all the paranormal activity. It almost seemed too good to be true!

Kleenex Ghost seemed to have lost whatever inhibitions he originally had, this may have been in part to his choice of refreshments. I didn’t get close enough but I’m pretty sure it was not sparkling water he was ordering…

We stumbled upon his usual seat while wandering through the Elgin. He seemed pretty engrossed in the tour guide’s spiel and didn’t pay us any attention. We respectfully let him be (after snapping a quick photo).

I had hoped we weren’t disrupting Kleenex Ghost earlier but I fear this was not the case. He was clearly upset with us. Our group was taking the elevator up to the 4th floor to the Wintergarden Theatre when the elevator jolted to a stop and stalled for several minutes. We happened to glance back after anxiously exiting and saw Kleenex Ghost at the controls. Hopefully this little prank will appease him and we can continue our tour without incident. At the same time we were all secretly excited by the poltergeist behaviour we had just experienced.

After we spent some time searching for activity in the Wintergarden Theatre we think all was forgiven by Kleenex Ghost as he treated us to a rare spectacle on stage. It was so beautiful. Kleenex Ghost touched all of our hearts in that special moment. We felt a bond with Kleenex Ghost, and each other, for having experienced it.

We quietly left the theatre, thoughtful about our long day of paranormal experiences. We did make a last sighting of Kleenex Ghost as we left. We couldn’t make out the conversation, as he was speaking ghost, but we speculate he was making a call to the 1920’s.

We had a certain affinity with Kleenex Ghost after our day together, and were sad to go. It was truly an amazing experience; a day of trepidation, intrigue and eventually acceptance.

Thank you Kleenex Ghost. Thank you.

Jeremy's notes on the eventful day.

...must..lift hands....type...for...readers...

2008-10-24T11:30:00.000-04:00

Yes I know I haven’t posted in some time and it has been brought to my attention. And yes the only thing I hate more than long periods of no-posts on blogs I like to read is a follow up post about how they haven’t posted in awhile. I mean really.

I do have an excuse. Medical laziness.

Apparently my thyroid levels are lower than they have been in 2 years when I first got it removed. Heh.

But I’m doubling up meds and hope to be bouncing with energy in a few weeks. Also I’m been prescribed chocolate milk and cheese (no really!) to help my calcium. You know on top of the 6 horse pills I take daily.

But I digress. I have TWO good posts forthcoming – one is a harrowing tale of heroism in Niagara Falls.

The other an otherworldly adventure in Toronto that hasn’t yet taken place.

So you can fantasize about the upcoming Claraliciousness while I take a nap.

clara - human canvas

2008-09-10T18:12:00.003-04:00

Okay so here it is – my dream tattoo realized.

Sigh. Breathtaking isn’t it? (And yes that’s Vincent D’Onofrio in the background -heart. )

Tattoo was designed by Heather Bruton and inked byRaidel. Both are absolutely brilliant. I am so glad I have their work on me.

So anyway we begin and I'm all brave but about 20 minutes in I am nauseous and feel faint. It was so painful. I hadn’t eaten, as I left work around 12. So I figure my blood sugar was low. Luckily It just so happened that I had a Nigh’s chocolate bar in my purse! I asked Raidel to wait a minute while I got it. I made sure I was sitting up straight and head high I took deep breaths, taking occasional bites of chocolate. I quickly felt better, though some portions of the tattoo (the fleshier bits, which is a lot) hurt like a bitch.

At some point someone yelled and asked Raidel if he wanted anything from McDonalds, he said it wasn’t fair that he had to get McDonalds because everyone else was; after asking Raidel if he was going to be okay or if he needed a tissue – Raidel informed him that he hoped he got pubic hairs on his burger. Very creative.

After the outline was done it got easier. The McDonalds incident brought about a discussion about healthy food and eating right, to which I sagely nodded and agreed with everything he said while munching my chocolate bar. It made me giggle.

A friend of his stopped by and I had to make a concerted effort to look cool, especially after he mentioned how well I handled the pain. She was quite impressed with the tat and I was even told I was ‘a champion’ at one point. So true. Me awesome. So after that I had to look blasé and bored as the needle was branding me. I would turn my head to yawn and take the opportunity to cross my eyes and grit my teeth at the agony. By the end it was much easier though. The adrenalin and chocolate kicked in.

Afterwards I treated myself to some Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip. I sat in the sun and enjoyed my much deserved treat. I totally earned it.

SO this is it for now. Someday my sisters and I will work out a matching tattoo that we will all get, a physical manifestation of the bond we have; though it sure as hell won’t be as big as this one. This is my epic masterpiece.

new tat!

2008-08-31T11:37:00.011-04:00

I got a new tattoo yesterday! It’s purty. I was worried because it’s been 8 years since I got inked and maybe it hurt more than I remembered. The moment it began I heaved a sigh of relief – just like I remembered.

The tattoo took less than an hour so it was only just starting to get painful at the end. I have another on the 10th that will be much longer so I’m sure I’ll whine more then. Denise came with me and distracted me the whole time. I went to Urban Ink and had Raidel design me a pretty daisy. Fantastic shop, great people. Highly recommended.

I tried taking pictures to show the location of the daisy on my body but it was kind of difficult. Jeremy kept making faces and well…they didn’t turn out so great. The last one made me laugh so hard that I just had to share it, even though it makes me look like a goober.

More than usual I mean. Heh.