Friday, February 17, 2006

depilatory madness

Well I’ve really done it this time.

Over the years I’ve done a lot of stupid things in the name of beauty. Countless hair colourings, shaving the underside of my hair, toothpaste on zits, mud on my face, egg in my hair – you name it. Usually these things turn out okay; well at least they’re not disasters. My luck ran out last night.

I’m a blonde. Not terribly fair-haired but my body hair is white blonde. Arms, legs, peach fuzz whatever. Excluding certain areas (do I really have to say pubic hair? I hope not, this is a family blog. Oh and armpits. But we don’t have to dance around that), everything is fair. I’m lucky I don’t have to bleach a moustache get my eyebrows waxed. In fact I have to use powder to fill in my eyebrows or they just aren’t visible. Anyhoo last year I bought facial Nair for that annoying peach fuzz and between the brows messiness that frankly I can’t be bothered to pluck. I always get three hairs in and decide the pain and patience isn’t worth it. I always preferred more natural looking brows anyway. I probably used that tube of Nair way past it’s expiration because near the end I’d have to leave the goop on for 15 min and it’d still leave hairs behind. With this sort of mindset I cracked into a brand new tube. I slapped it on my face and around my brows to clean up stray hair overflow. I waited the designated time (well a little over) then excitedly washed it off and peered at my new smooth and silky visage.


I’m a somewhat careless person. I don’t colour in the lines, my clothes are always semi wrinkled and my hair is quite flyaway. So far it’s worked for me. Unfortunately when I looked in the mirror last night I was smooth in areas I really wanted to keep hairy. I didn’t quite safeguard my eyebrow the way I should have and now I’m missing a quarter of it. I really do miss it. With creative powder use and a reluctant but necessary eyebrow comb over I’m not a freak today. Pretty close tho. I didn’t cry when it happened. I nearly did. I wanted to. It was just so funny. So I laughed.

Now you can too. It’s okay, you know you want to.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been sans eyebrow. Once in public school I was playing blindman's bluff with my sisters and one of them (you know who you are) didn’t tell me that I was about to smack into a tetherball pole – so I did. My face bounced off that thing and I fell flat on my back. She maintains that I made an abrupt about face, thereby making a warning impossible. Either way, having a slightly Neanderthal brow, that was the first area to hit and my eyebrow area puffed up and the hair fell out. My eyebrows haven’t matched since; tho it’s usually better than they are right now.

Does this look like resignation? Wry, rueful self-deprecation?

Well it is.


No comments: