Wednesday, October 19, 2005

i'm sick. and not in the good way.

The mucus is running, skin is red and irritated around the nasal openings. Flem is abundant, eyes look haggard, skin dull.

There’s a sense of freedom in looking like crap and knowing there is nothing you can do about it. I’m a huge worrier. HUGE. Anxiety queen. But once it’s clear to me that ‘meh, what can you do?’ I totally relax. It’s a sweet sweet relief. And you know what? Even in general lately I’ve been less obsessed with my appearance and what people think of me in general. When I say lately I’m talking the last two years, pretty much my time in Toronto and I think having Jeremy in my life again, have been the turning point. I know, I know it’s cliché to say a person changed my life and it’s not really the case. He just brings out the best in me. I think it’s because he’s confident in himself as a person I don’t need to do any work there or anything.

ANYWAY this was not intended to be a sappy post. I start writing about one thing, another pops out and here I am drenched in maple syrup (I figure I’ll get some disappointed fetishist via google with that statement).

My point is this – I have either lowered my standards or am just more comfortable in my skin. I feel I look worse (by no means shabby!! I’m adorable) than I did 5 years ago and yet I feel better about it. maybe I’m letting myself go, getting older, have a serious boyfriend, it’s only natural. It could be living in a big city, where I’m cocooned in anonymity and can let go a little. Who knows. I think I’m much more comfortable being adorable than trying to be hot. Plus it suits my personality. Y’know, quirky, messy, geeky, slightly insane. In a good way.

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