Last night I ate 5 almonds right before I went to bed. And I did not have a glass of water to wash it down.
Little did I know what a deadly mistake it would be.
Around 2 in the morning I woke up coughing so violently I thought I would vomit. It felt like little shards of glass and hair were lodged in my throat. I scrambled around the house, hacking loudly, until I managed to spew enough almond out of my mouth and drink a glass of water.
During this ordeal Jeremy didn’t even stir. Usually if I wake him he needs to know what’s going on, like if I get up to pee he thinks I wet the bed. Naturally I assumed he slept through it. I asked him this morning if I had woken him, because surely he would have asked if I was okay.
‘Yeah I was going to ask you to keep it down.’
Gasp. Such insolence. He’s lucky he’s cute. Plus I have low standards.
I've given the ordeal some thought and I've decided that Mr.Peanut (my archnemisis) has enlisted the aid of other nuts in his insane campaign to destroy me somehow. It saddens me, but as long as cashews haven't joined his dark forces I have little to worry about. Especially those jumbos.