green hair

For those of you who accidentally turn your hair green or blue or some variation in between, I can tell you that mixing equal parts baking soda and shampoo and leaving on your hair for 5-10 minutes actually helps. You have to use cold water to rinse it out though not all versions of this cure said that, it's what I did. It starts to smell like you just put the dye on after a few minutes, which I thought was a good sign. Even though no colour washed out when rinsing it was significantly faded.

It took 17 years of careless and spontaneous hair dying but I can finally join the ranks of those with bizarre colour boo boos.

keeper for a day (or, how clara became queen of the elephants)

 On Saturday March 19th I donned coveralls and partook of the Keeper for a Day program at the Toronto Zoo. It was amazing. I highly recommend it to everyone. I hope to do it again at other sections of the zoo. This was a birthday present from Jeremy; I would be assisting the elephant keepers for the day. Oh Em Gee. I met and shoveled the poop of Thika, Oringa and Toka.

Toka is the most submissive, she stores her hay between her trunk and tusk so the other girls don[t steal it (squee). Oringa is the anti-macgyver, she has disassembled pretty much everything that she's ever come into contact with. Thika is the alpha, and she reminds me of Tonks. She will steal the other elephant's toys and food and bully them. And when you walk by her she will put her trunk out and beg for food.

I also got to get a sneak peek of the penguins, which won't be on display for a couple more months. I met Perky and Petal, two river hippo sisters. They were hilarious. They came over for snacks and pets, when we walked away they made whiny noises for more attentions. Too cute.

Jeremy met me for lunch and afterwards the keepers were kind enough to give Jeremy a tour too. He got to see the indoor facilities (which were way bigger than I realized) and go around back to see the elephants, and the hippos and penguins.

The program is run by the keepers themselves; they are a part of the American Association of Zoo Keepers. The funds are used for teaching and training of it's members as well as various conservation efforts. Recently they sent a member to Madagascar for research and purchased GPS units for the anti-poaching patrols in Africa. Unlike some people I could mention (cough, PETA) they talk the talk and walk the walk.

The training they do is very cool; I'm going to try some of the ideas on Tonks. For example they go through the motions of taking blood or giving an injection every week, so that they don't automatically associate the actions with a yucky experience. Plus they get jellybeans whether it's a real needle or not. I think I'll try that with cleaning Tonks' ears. Right now she sees me get cotton balls and runs. I'll do it once a week and sometimes just wipe her ear with cotton without the cleaning goo, and give her a treat. Keep her on her toes. But I digress.

 I was very impressed at how knowledgeable, friendly and passionate about animal conservation everyone was. I sincerely hope they get their wish and the zoo decides to fund a new habitat and facilities for the elephants. While they do actually like the snow (Oringa makes snow elephants), their thin ears can suffer when it is below zero so they stay indoors. I don't want Toronto to lose it's elephants, they are in capable, caring hands and just need new facilities. Each kid who sits for a keeper talk and learns about their funny personalities and the dangers they are facing against poachers is one more person who can make a difference. Wow, how did I end up on this soapbox? I just LOVE THEM so much. Anyhoo enjoy the pics and videos.

My coat still smells like poo. I regret nothing!

happy birthday to me!

Some of my favourite things.

I got a little carried away so I had to cap it at Frankenfurter. There are so many others not represented! Such as:

• Naughty anime girls or boy on boys
• Mythical creatures
• 80’s cartoons
• A velociraptor army
• Post-apocalyptic societies
• Zombie Freddie Mercury
• Paladins
• Korean horror movies
• Junk food
• Robots
• Backpacks with jets

hurreeee......we're almost there, the most important day of the year...

Clara's Birthday! The big three-oh! 

beyond otis

or, on how you have got to be fucking kidding me
How doth the little cancer cell
Create a flesh abode,
And cast a foul devouring spell
On innocent lymph node!
How insidious he’ll hide,
How aberrant his vision,
And wreak havoc deep inside
With cellular revision

 

Format courtesy of Lewis Carroll, thanks guy!

twenty-nine

It’s almost the most glorious day of the year! My birthday! Not only is it the anniversary of my spectacular entry into the world, it is my 29th birthday, which means I’m nearly thirty and will be growned up, but more importantly – it is my champagne birthday! I will be 29 on the 29th! So excited! I much prefer to be an odd numbered age too. Feels more comfortable somehow. We’re doing a pub night so if you want to come email me and I’ll give you the time and place. And instructions for gifts. Just kidding, no presents. I accept beer and potato skins. Or even one of those little plastic cups of sour cream would be awesome.

still here

Ugh. I’ve been really busy so I haven’t posted anything. I hate that. Writing is the one thing that I’ve always felt should be present, be it a quick note, an alliterative sentence or a dirty limerick. For me there is no excuse. If I wait until I have time to sit and write it just won’t happen. And I’m lazy and relatively obligation free.

I went to Canada’s Wonderland a few weeks ago, for the first time in about 15 years if you can believe it. The prospects for hilarious and clever posts were endless - Jeremy freaked out and wouldn’t go on many of the rides and I wore a low cut top and my boobs kept popping out on the bumpier rides. Fun fun fun. But I put it off and now that’s all I got.

I’ve got to review mascara for the friendly neighbourhood word of mouth marketing company, it’s vibrating. Very cool. I just need to get my sisters’ opinions first. That one is still to come.

Oh and it’s really hot. And STINKY. For those of you who don’t know, I live in Toronto and we are currently in the midst of a garbage strike. I’ve seen the plastic wrapped garbage bins (that people shove garbage in anyway) but it hasn’t really affected me as I’m in an apartment and for now they are taking care of the trash. I just put it down the chute as usual. But this morning I was walking Tonks and the various dumpsters around the area were reeking to high heaven. Quite nasty. I hope they resolve things soon. Before we all start looking like that lady thing in Labyrinth.

Anyway this weekend will be full of strawberry picking and Dungeons and Dragons. Excitement! For the moment I have the day off and am doing sweet sweet nothing. Mmmm dipsalusious.

and so it begins...

bday fun recap

So my birthday was frickin awesome.

The In-Laws spoiled me as usual, with dinner and presents galore. Highlights of the evening were my yellow and Jesus themed wrapping paper and a picture of MOI!



This cartoonesque portrait was done by a client of Denise’s and I must say is he ever talented. Through pictures and personality info provided by Jer’s family he created this marvelous rendition. A stunning likeness if I do say so myself. I’ve always felt like I was a space pirate/cyborg trapped in a cube dwellers body. It’s true.

I’m planning a ‘hot girl’ wall of artwork. Jeremy has a sexy girl Captain N Gamemaster, Indianette Jones and I have Dreamgirl and a cute Anime girl in a purple jumpsuit. Space Clara will go along nicely if I do say so myself.

Now I didn’t think I would be seeing my family on my birthday weekend, in fact I thought it strange that we hadn’t made any plans or at least lamented the lack of Clara on this special day. Well I was wrong.

On Sunday Jeremy made me get up and go out. Wouldn’t tell me where. I was unwashed in grubby clothes and had to be dragged out. He said it was a romantic surprise. So as we get to Yonge and Eg and don’t head on the subway I finally figure it out – the Mandarin! Fun! I’d never been.

So we walk in and I blindly follow Jeremy around the restaurant until he pops into a room and declares us ‘here’. I saw my dad at one of the tables. I sort of stared uncomprehendingly for a moment and then the rest of my family jumped up from behind the tables and yelled surprise. I was flabbergasted. I’ve never used that word in a situation that adequately harnessed its linguistic potential. But there you have it. I was. Flabbergasted. I stared at everyone for awhile then covered my mouth and started tearing up. Once I got past the shock I was just so genuinely happy to see my family and spend some time with them. Even the niece and nephews were there. Adorable.

They made me some charming object d’art. Nephew One created a sculpture for my desk and Only Niece made a hanging piece with a working bell on the end. Truly magnifique non?

After gorging myself on dumplings we played “Clarinko’. Much like Plink from the Price is Right but with a smaller board and poker chips. Each chip would land in a category on the bottom. The one I got the most was ‘The 80’s’ and I totally rocked it. For example one question was 'Name the 4 Ninja Turtles and their corresponding colours. Please. I even named their weapons. Oh snap.

When I got a correct answer I won Danier Dollars and after lunch Jenna and Kaity took me to the Danier outlet to pick out a leather jacket. I have never had a brand new leather jacket. I was pretty thrilled. I happened to pick the one that Jeremy was championing and I have yet to hear the end of it. When I put it on he compliments me lavishly then says it’s a good thing he came too otherwise who knows what I would have come home with. Cheeky thing.

Ah yes, Jeremy. Well the boy did very well this year. He indulged my weakness for barbarians and shiny things. This limited edition Conan really does justice to that kooky Cimmerian. I deliberately positioned him in from of the mirror so as not to hide his rippling back muscles. Now the necklace is one of TWO citrine lovelies that Jeremy gave me. I was pretty stunned. I had just that week been harassing him and emailing links to Birks ordering him to buy me jewellery. I’m so gracious.

an ode to me, on this - the day of my birth

Such awesomeness, I can’t describe
As that which in me doth reside.

An eternity you say -
Is not enough with me to play?

I blame you not, it is such fun,
To frolic with me in the sun

Or snow or rain and sleet is neat
As long as me with you, you keep.

My buoyant curls, and cheeky grin
Inflame all hearts and souls within.

Such witty humor, sometimes crass
And let's not forget my rockin’ ass.

The lucky few who’ve seen my boobies,
Have declared them as precious as diamonds or rubies.

This keen mind, and delightful giggle
Cannot be hated, not even a little.

So rejoice with me, the birthday girl
The blessed day I entered the world.



Clara in a word

those with heart conditions should view the following images at their own risk

I like birds. Little flighty feather fluffs that flit about and roll around in the dirt. Love em. I’ve taken my particular obsession with goldfinches perching on thistle to the next level by tattooing custom artwork on my body, so I can see them anytime I want – even if abducted by aliens and left nude in some sort of biologically constructed prison cell.

But I digress.

Today I made an incredible discovery – the Kinglet. Where on earth has this tiny birdball been all my life?!??

When I first saw it my eyes sort of glazed over and I gasped for air. The adorable quickly overwhelmed me and I slipped into some sort of cute coma. When I regained consciousness my hand was next to my computer screen making pinching gestures towards a delicious Kinglet-belly. As my mind slowly refocused I became aware of a high pitched ‘squeeing’ noise. Turns out it was me.

I think I’ll be okay, I’ve managed to get my heart rate back to normal and my leg has stopped twitching. I’ve made one of these my desktop background to avoid withdrawal symptoms. I periodically minimize my browser so I can see it; I just feel better knowing it’s there.

So there it is. The Kinglet. My life will never be the same. There is a creature in this world that is indeed 99% belly and manages flight.

My mind is totally blown.

I haven’t managed to stop squeeing yet but these things take time.

whatever happened to ed?

Ted Rogers passed away. I’m shocked. His first name is actually Edward!?! Since when is Ted short for Edward?

Apparently shortening of names is not the only way to get a nickname. There was a trend for rhyming nicknames and swapping of letters.

“There was a trend of creating rhyming nicknames (arbitrarily changing the first letter) in the 13th and 14th centuries. That's where we get all these surprising forms like Dick (and Hick!) from Richard, Polly from Molly (for Mary), Bob, Dob and Hob from Rob (from Robert), Bill from Will (from William); and Hodge from Roger.” WikiAnswers

There is a great sense of history when examining linguistics.

“Nicknames of this sort are among the oldest parts of language still used. Jack remained a nickname for John for centuries after its original connection and lost. Until the 20th century, one could still find Neds and Nans for Edwards and Anns, again, although the original connotations have long since past. Some connections are so old that we do not really understand how it happened, as in Peggy/Margaret or Polly/Mary or Billy/William” Edgar’s Namebook

Fascinating.

No really. I’ve always been interested in names. I’ve been buying baby name books since I was in public school. Even though I never knew the Ted/Edward connection it shouldn’t have surprised me so much. I knew about Bess and Elizabeth and Dolly for Dorothy. And those seem just as odd.

Ah Ted Rogers, posthumously stimulating the masses with sociolinguistics. Is there anything you can’t do?

words that make me giggle

crampons
pew bows
ball-peen hammer

I'm sure there are more but I just read ball-peen hammer somewhere and giggled. Then that made me think of pew bows and crampons. Hee hee.

happy halloween!

I picked up some horns at Shoppers, just to get in the spirit. Once I put them on I felt I looked more like an earwig than a devil/demon.

Then I looked up pictures of earwigs and realized that the pincer part I resembled was in fact the ass part of the earwig. Charming. I may be an earwig butt but I'm in the spirit baby! Yay Halloween!