ta-da

As promised, here is the new and improved, ClaraNeck™ 2.0.

neck dissection

So I'm home and healing from surgery number two. For those of you keeping track the first one was about 5 years ago. I'm still scabby and gross so I'll wait until the new scar looks cool before showing the third and (hopefully) final installment in the ClaraNeck™ series.

I'm going to tell people the new one is from an assassination attempt; it is way cooler than my last one. I hope when it heals it is still noticable. This one extends past the original scar and curves up behind my ear. Badass.



ClaraNeck™ Original











ClaraNeck™ Cut

beyond otis

or, on how you have got to be fucking kidding me
How doth the little cancer cell
Create a flesh abode,
And cast a foul devouring spell
On innocent lymph node!
How insidious he’ll hide,
How aberrant his vision,
And wreak havoc deep inside
With cellular revision

 

Format courtesy of Lewis Carroll, thanks guy!

otis

On December 13th 2005 I was told I had lump in my neck. I named it Milo. Through a series of hijinx and misadventures I found out it was cancerous, had surgery, had some extra bits taken out by accident and struggled with the results. Now you’re all caught up.

Almost.

On Wednesday I found out that I have another lump in the same place (right thyroid bed). It’s about 1.9 cm and could be a lymph node or leftover thyroid tissue. Apparently it’s been there since March 2008 but no one bothered to tell me (not impressed); it’s gotten bigger since then so they have now informed me. I say it but I mean Otis. Well really naming my first nodule Milo was maybe not a great idea, since my body probably grew another one just so I could complete the partnership. Ah well.

I have a biopsy and ct scan this month and hopefully I’ll know in January if Otis is a good puppy or bad like Milo. Should be interesting.

...must..lift hands....type...for...readers...

Yes I know I haven’t posted in some time and it has been brought to my attention. And yes the only thing I hate more than long periods of no-posts on blogs I like to read is a follow up post about how they haven’t posted in awhile. I mean really.

I do have an excuse. Medical laziness.

Apparently my thyroid levels are lower than they have been in 2 years when I first got it removed. Heh.

But I’m doubling up meds and hope to be bouncing with energy in a few weeks. Also I’m been prescribed chocolate milk and cheese (no really!) to help my calcium. You know on top of the 6 horse pills I take daily.

But I digress. I have TWO good posts forthcoming – one is a harrowing tale of heroism in Niagara Falls.

The other an otherworldly adventure in Toronto that hasn’t yet taken place.

So you can fantasize about the upcoming Claraliciousness while I take a nap.

from the newest thry'vors newsletter....

This is why Clara has so many damn pills...

Q6: Why do thyroid cancer survivors who have lost
parathyroid function take large doses of calcium and
Vitamin D?

A: The parathyroid glands secrete PTH, a substance that
helps maintain the correct balance of calcium and phosphorus
in the body. PTH regulates the level of calcium
in the blood, the release of calcium from bone, absorption
of calcium in the intestine, and excretion of calcium in
the urine. When the level of calcium in the blood falls
too low, the parathyroid glands secrete just enough PTH
to restore the blood calcium level.

Patients that have lost parathyroid function (such as
patients who underwent Total Thyroidectomy and did
not get a successful Parathyroid Re-implantation), they
have no regulatory process to correct calcium deficits and
develop chronic low calcium levels, therefore, require
large dose of calcium and vitamin D supplementation.

Full Newsletter Here

for the pushin

I have a Whole Body Scan on Friday; they’re going to see if there’s any more Milo in me. So tomorrow I drink radioactive iodine and to prepare for the scan I’ve had two injections over the last two days. In the butt.

I was not expecting this when I went to my doctors but dutifully dropped my unders and assumed the position. I was ready for the needle and the cool air, what I was not expecting was to hear this – “Hmm….I’m going to need a bigger needle.”

What?!?!

Oh all the things to say. Well on the bright side my gluteal generosity cushioned the needle and I didn’t feel a thing. So there.

urine happens to be very edgy

As you may remember, I was introduced to the 24 hour urine test this year. Joy. Well I’ve had to do a few more since then and I’ve become a bit of a pro. This last one threw me a bit though.

As I go to make my first ‘deposit’ I notice it’s a little differently designed than the others. Hmmm, I mused, maybe an improvement of some sort. Well 24 hours go by and I don’t notice a thing – until I go to bag it up and take it to the hospital. As soon as you turn it horizontal (the way it normally sits, I turn it vertically to fit it in my fridge), it leaks.

Yeah you heard me.

Leaks.

Urine jug. Leaks.

Not just a little cup either, this baby is holding 3 LITRES OF MY PEE!

It was slightly traumatizing. I got some on the carpet. My funny funny Jeremy asked if he should rub my nose in it. Hilarious. The subway ride was fright filled, people kept jostling us and I was so paranoid that everyone would smell the pee. When we arrived at Queen Station I breathed a sigh of relief and went to carefully heft the bag through the turnstile…

And my hand came away wet.

In a panic I set it down and told Jeremy in a furious whisper “it’s leaked through the bag!” He didn’t believe me until we lifted it up and saw a little puddle on the ground. Trooper that he is he took the bag from me for the rushed walk to the hospital. We handed it over to the lab tech with a warning, and she promptly ignored us got my pee all over her counter. That’s what you get for not paying attention lady.

I’m just glad it’s over and I won’t have to do it for, oh I dunno, maybe a month. Sigh. Not only did I never think I’d say ‘honey I got pee on the rug’ I surely never expected to be able to tell you guys ‘if you’re at Queen subway station and think you smell pee, that’s probably me’.

abusing the c-word

That’s what Jeremy called it. Sigh. I’m just awful.

Yesterday I got a call from some ‘new and exciting revolutionary fitness centre’ inviting me to join. Sure. I’ll get right on that. Anyway this woman was way to chipper way to early in the morning. Plus there is no way in hell I would ever join a gym. There are other people there and junk.

So I let her go through her spiel, I find it’s the quickest way to end these kinds of calls, speaking only when she asked me a direct question:

“Would you like to join our innovative and ground-breaking new fitness facility?

“No”

“Do you currently belong to a fitness centre?”

“Nope”

“Do you have any plans to join a fitness program in the near future?”

“Nah”

“Do you participate in any exercise programs?”

“No”

“Do you exercise at all?”

“Not really” I do walk to and from work but I doubt that would’ve impressed her.

“May I ask why?”

“Well I’m a cancer patient, I’m supposed to take it easy” Completely untrue, not the cancer bit but the taking it easy.

I was just trying to end the phone call and ensure they wouldn’t ever call me back. So naturally I felt just awful when her voice softened and she said “Oh! Well stay strong! Have a super awesome day!”

I think I mumbled ‘uh, yeah’ and hung up. Just awful. I wish I could say that I pulled out the c-word just because she wouldn’t stop bugging me (in fact that was exactly what I told Jeremy) but truthfully from the moment she said she was from a gym I knew I’d be bringing that up.

Awful.

we’re like this

Who knew Smithers and I had so much in common? I’d never seen last night’s Simpson’s before. In Midnight Rx we learn that Smithers has a thyroid problem and has to take Thyroxin! ME TOO! Although mine isn’t a thyroid problem so much as a thyroid lack but still, we take the same drugs.

Plus deep down I’m a gay man. Gayer than Christmas.



Please excuse the out of focus photo; this was me taking a picture of my TV screen. Heh.

barfing and more

Ugh, I promised myself I wouldn’t write about this again but too bad here it comes. My calcium has been high again and therefore I’ve been nauseous. It sucks. I’m starving but I can’t eat anything because I will puke it up. The mere smell of food makes me want to die. Plus I think the universe is conspiring against me – I walked by two dead birds and a puddle of puke this morning. It took all my stubbornness to resist barfing. Yeah I don’t have any willpower but I am incredibly stubborn. AND when I got to work – someone was cooking a ham in the microwave! A freaking ham! What is wrong with you people! It’s 8:30 in the morning and you need an entire ham? I swear if I could have stood getting close to it I would have bashed them over the head with it. Sigh. Tonight I am attending Connie and Dave’s wedding and I apologize in advance if I throw up in the middle of the ceremony. I shall endeavour not to, though you have now been forewarned.

Anyhoo there is some good news in here. Jeremy got a new job! Two days after the interview he was offered a job. A real big boy job! How growned up! Goodbye Starbucks! I will miss getting a discount there though, that was quite a little bonus. I won’t say where he will be working, as in this day and age the last thing you want to post about is your job, well in any detail anyway, but I will say I can see the tower from my work's fabulous view and I think it’s quite romantic that I can. Cute! So congratulations baby. Oh and I’m sorry honey that you had to share your exciting news with a barfy entry but that’s life.

on the way to work...

Periodically I have to go to the hospital to get some blood work done (surgical mishaps and all that), today was one of those mornings. As I wandered down to the southbound trains at Wellesley station I heard water running. Tinkling more like. There was some guy, peeing against the payphone like a dog on a hydrant. Ridiculous! This was around 8am, there was quite a few people down there heading to work, and this wasn’t some homeless weirdo, it was a well dressed guy. I wish I had my camera. I would have been all “hey you wanna pee in public you’re gonna end up on the Internet buddy” click. And then everyone would cheer. Not really. But it would have been cool if I did.




When I got to the hospital I was greeted by balloons and many cheerful medical staff. My first thought was that they had missed me (it has been awhile), but it is in fact St. Michael’s Day! I got a free book light. It has St. Mike’s logo on it. Fun! I can use it next time I’m there and want to read at night so I can drown out my crazy roommates rantings. Double fun!