a.k.a anx(iety)

Well Milo’s days are numbered.

April 26th he will be sliced and diced. Much sooner than I expected, I know. I’m alternating between relief that I’ll be starting the road to cancer-free living so soon and freaking out that everything is happening so soon!!!! I have so much to do!

I had a wee bit of a panic attack last night. The first I’ve had in years. You see I’m supposed to see and endocrinologist to work out radiation and hormone replacement and all that jazz. When I first went to the hospital my surgeon said they would schedule that and get back to me. They did so, all was fine. Then the endo’s office called me directly to reschedule – for the day of my surgery. Okay. Yesterday I tried calling some people to work this out. Here are the highlights:

• Called my surgeon’s office, was told they don’t deal directly with the hospital's patients and I’d have to call there.
• Called The hospital. 20 min on hold, someone picks up. I was running through my spiel when I was cut off and asked ‘what exactly I wanted her to do’. Must….control…. fist...of death… She then told me I had to speak to my surgeon’s office. I explained I did and they were supposed to book me with an endo…..yada yada yada and I’m transferred somewhere else.
• Tell my story to new girl and am transferred AGAIN.
• Get voice mail, at which point I am nearly in tears. The message says I have to leave my hospital card number, which I don’t have on me. I hang up.
• I call back, card in hand, and repeat the maze of transferred calls until I can leave a voice mail.
• Am called back and told that there are absolutely no endos available before April 26th. I try to ask if that’s normal, where can I find out – ‘woah excuse me but I can’t answer those questions, you'll have to contact this other office (which previously told me they couldn't help me).....’ Gee thanks.
• I get home and check out my newest thyroid cancer book (current cancer merchandise total = $304.79, yes I have a problem), in which there is a chapter about the different doctors who will be looking after me and their roles in my care. This makes me feel completely abandoned by my doctors/hospital and I go a little crazy.

There were tears, high pitched squealing, hyperventilating – the works. I didn’t have any paper bags but luckily there was a padded envelope that one of my ever-increasing ebay purchases arrived in. Jeremy was a little concerned. He said he was pretty close to getting all the numbers and calling for me because I was ‘a wreck’. So sweet. I’m better today tho. If I have to schedule myself and find out everything on my own, fine. I expected things to be a little different with having cancer and a surgery that will permanently alter my life, but hey, maybe that’s just me. If I’d have known that the first time I met someone to talk about the cancer it would be the last before surgery, I would have asked a helluva lot more questions.

I appreciate all the support non-medical people have given me (that’s you all) and one medical person (Foxglove) who emailed me last night and asked if there was any questions she could answer as a nurse, or find out from people at her hospital. You are a wonderful person.

The positive side to my little experience is that I realize how awesome of a receptionist I am compared to the harridans and vapid cows that I had to speak to yesterday.

I seriously rock, paper bags and all.

Ah the power of positive thinking. It's all about perspective.....

Mind you I haven't achieved this but it's nice to have goals....