merry christmas!

"Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic. But others don't, and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen."

ninjeremy

This is why I'm excited for my first Christmas with Jeremy. He's just a big kid. For those of you keeping track, yes we were together last Christmas but not long enough to be bringing each other into our family's Christmas traditions. This year it's Christmas eve and morning with Jer's fam and Christmas afternoon/night and the days following with my fam in Niagara. I can't wait. Jeremy and I are both easily excited and amused. Like children. The ninja thing is similar to many dress up adventuresI've had. I've mentioned them before.

So blogging will be sporadic as my internet access will be dependent on chance until the new year. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and I'll be seeing you around. Mwah.
jeremy being a ninja

hnt - naughty CAN be nice....

Rather than post a traditional Half Nekkid Thursday entry today, Osbasso has asked us to pick three hnters and post what we would get them for Christmas if we could. When I read our new assignment I immediately knew what I would do. Now if may be cheating to get all three people the same thing but my love for this particular thing must be shared. And to be fair, it’s got a half nekkid female type thing on the cover so it totally counts for regular hnt as well.

Last night I finished reading Pornucopia by Piers Anthony. Wow. Now let’s be clear about one thing. This IS a dirty book, but it’s got a wonderful fantasy story that is well written and thoroughly enjoyable. It’s bizarre and hilarious and naughty. So I would give this to three bizarre, hilarious and naughty women who enrich hnt every week:

binsk
Kalani
Aughra

It’ll make you laugh, make you gag, hell it might even get you off, but you’ll appreciate it I’m sure.

Story Synopsis ...

Prior Gross, the hero and sex object of this wild adventure, thinks his fantasies have all come true when a beautiful young woman seduces him on a public beach. She turns out to be a succubus, beginning his initiation into a realm populated by demons which are not merely horned, but horny. He encounters a perverse cast of characters that includes a satyr, a vampire, and a pair of luscious sisters, one of whom tricks him out of his manhood.
So Prior Gross sets out on a perverse odyssey, taking him to a distant planet where he discovers the key to the return of his property and, ultimately, the origin of the universe itself.

one more reason to come to canada....

Until last night I had never heard the stories regarding Oak Island in Nova Scotia and the Money Pit. I was watching a show called “Northern Mysteries” and they had this wicked segment on the Knights Templar coming to Canada and possibly hiding the Holy Grail here. I HAD NO IDEA!! But it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? When I worked at the Niagara Parks Commission I got a lot a lot of people (crazy and non) telling me that Canada was God’s chosen land and that when Armageddon comes we’ll all be safe here. Crazy tho this may have seemed (especially from the guy who got visions in the mist from the falls) you can’t help liking the sound of that. Well if you’re in Canada. Then I saw this show. What if the Holy Grail IS in Canada and it (the country) is blessed in some way? Certainly makes sense to me. As soon as the fiery rain kicks in I’m heading for Nova Scotia. To be closer to the Grail.

And maybe I’ll swing by Newfoundland to get ‘screeched-in’. Hey if the world’s ending anyway…

Ah, forbidden cod love.


Fraser’s pic stolen from here, Monty Python from here.

i'll honestly kill the bastard...

Looks like I'll be finishing this week with martinis too.

Must. Suppress. Rage.

duke of richmond

Friday night yielded soho cosmos and larfs with Maria et al. It was just Elo Maria and I for the first bit and later Jamie, Connie & Dave joined the fun. It was just what we needed after a particularly abusive work week. That’s why I had to open the evening with martinis. Mmmmm……

We heart martinis.

a tree!

Yes I have a tree for my apartment. My mummy sent it to me. Hee. It looks splendid, even more so with the lights off, the pictures don’t really do it justice. I found myself just straing at it. Too bad I didn't have one of these in University, it would have really enhanced the experience. Y'know with all the pot. Anyway I needed something for the top and tho this thought did get my creative juices flowing and raring for a fun arts and crafts project, I had the perfect angel already. Remember her? She’s perfect. Tho she could use some wings...... I’m sure I have glitter lying around somewhere……hmmm….

hnt – double vision

My creative effort. And what an effort! Do you know how many shots I had to take to make this look effortless. I was inspired while sitting on the toilet (I’m sure you’ve all been there) and saw two different reflections across from me. unfortunately I couldn’t quite capture the moment again. I guess I needed an exact replication of events and well, I didn’t have to go. Ah well.


See the reverse at grinchala.

mildly feminist semi-rant

LAVAL, Que. -- Heavily armed tactical teams surrounded an apartment block north of Montreal on Wednesday after a female police officer was shot. Full story at canada.com.

Why the qualifiers? I never see ‘a male police officer was shot’. It would just be ‘a police officer’. That kind of stuff annoys me. Do it for both sexes or neither of them. Ugh.

milo the nodule

So I went for a follow up regarding my enlarged thyroid today. I never mentioned it because well, it was just a check up. Turns out I have a lump. Well nodule. I’ve decided to call him Milo, from Milo & Otis. I’m not worried. Well I’m worried about someone sticking a big ass needle in my throat but not about Milo. My mum had the same thing and it was benign and my sister had an enlarged thyroid too. Family history counts for a lot in these matters. I’ll keep y’all updated (probably be done in the new year) but y’know ‘say a little prayer’ and all that. Couldn’t hurt. Unlike NEEDLES. Bastards.

Check out this page on fine needle biopsy of thyroid nodules, it’s perfectly pertinent to Milo.

i knew it

The internet really does know me!! And you people say quizzes and whatnot are a waste of time. Next thing you know I’ll be hearing that you can’t trust the online 8 ball. Honestly.

Thanks Binsk and Kalani both for the link. These gals are ever so helpful.

i have the power

I received a 'fan' email:

"I don't remember how I discovered your blog, but I'm glad I did. I like to search for amusing blogs, and yours is a great one. You really know how to be funny in print, which is not an easy thing to do. Keep up the good work."

Gary

I’m sooooooo awesome. Even Gary thinks so and he would know. So much pressure tho. I have my off days, in blog and in life, where I just can’t crack a joke to save my life. Where my witty remarks are stilted and awkward and my blog is bland and questionable at best. I’m glad that the general idea is getting across. I’m great.

It’s funny tho, if you asked me two years ago what my strengths in writing were I would NEVER have said comedy. I’ve always been a writer. Ever since grade 2 when we had to make a poster of what we wanted to be when we grew up and I did a picture of myself at a typewriter (with long hair – if you’ve noticed from all my childhood pictures I had short hair forever and was repeatedly mistaken for a boy. Bastards.) and NOVELIST written boldly at the bottom. I still have the poster, I’ll have to show it to you sometime. It’s a crayon masterpiece.

Anyway my writing journey began in grade 2 with short stories. Mostly grisly tales or fantastic yarns. Maybe I threw a little humour in now and then. To this day short stories are my favourite things to write. There was a time, however, when it seemed like my whole life was consumed and fuelled by poetry. This was, you guessed it, high school. Oh teen angst you are a worthy muse. You just get a little tiresome after a few years. To be perfectly honest the muse of angst stayed with me past university, I just drowned her out for periods with the fun things you run into while away at school.

Moving on.

So you see my history with emotion laden prose sometimes held me back, I think, from trying new things. I started this blog while in a bad situation and originally intended for it to follow that pattern. I think. Check out my first entry and you’ll see what I mean. Writing almost every day has exercised muscles previously used only in burst and flurries. I also owe a thank you to Maria, who got me into this wonderful mess and kept me here with a fun back and forth banter online. Also when people started reading, and commenting, I knew someone was out there so I was writing for more than myself. I have no problem letting myself down, but others, that really sticks in my craw. What’s a craw? Is it a human body part or some sort of pond crustacean? Well either applies in this case. Jer also made a difference in my gradual emergence into fun writing. Just by being around. I was having more fun in the world wide world and that translated onto the page. Virtual and otherwise.

Now this, this is what I really love about writing. You have no control. You can intend to write about something entirely different, or want a character to go one way and once you start you just have to hang on see where you end up. I really just wanted to do a funny quip about how fabulous Gary and I are and how great appreciative emails are.

Well there’s always ms paint for that. Behold my power! In all it's sepia-toned glory!

hnt – young claremy

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday! Today I present heretofore unseen baby pictures of Jeremy and myself. The cast is one of many I had as a kid. Just born a klutz I guess. Jeremy on the other hand knew from the beginning just how pretty he was. Mesmerizing isn’t he? Well he thinks so too.

I heart you!

Wow!! What a lovely response! I was surprised how emotionally I responded to the answer you people put in the comments section. I heart you all!

I'll answer the questions that people posed for number 15 on the list. And if you haven’t done my little exercise feel free to just do 15 if you’re the lazy type. Like myself. Har.

Monkey - One thing I would like to know about Clara is what she's wearing.
A. Well Monkey right now I have a tan striped blouse and black pants on. Unfortunately with no internet at home that question will only yield descriptions of my limited work wardrobe. Sorry hun.

Kalani - One thing I would like to know about Clara is how her and Banana Boy met.
A. well dear we met in first year University at Guelph. We were on the same floor in residence and at party in someone’s room, I heard him talking and thought he was so funny. And gay. I was really big into finding my own Jack like Karen Walker has and thought he’d be perfect. Turns out he’s straight. And here we are!!

zen wizard - her bra size.
A. Well the bra I'm wearing right now is a 34 B, but I tend to pop out a little so I think I need to go up a cup. Wouldn’t that be great? C is for Clara AND her cup size!!! Ah, that’s gold baby.

binsk - One thing I would like to know about Clara is if her real name is Clara.
A. it has honestly never occurred to me that people might think my name isn’t Clara, but I shouldn’t be surprised. So many people use other names on blogs. Der. Well dear binsk the name on my birth certificate is INDEED Clara and I have loved it my entire life.

Tom - One thing I would like to know about Clara is [ her favourite food ].
A. MASHED POTATOES! With gravy. Whatever I get at a restaurant I ask if I can substitute the fries/salad/whatever for mashed potatoes and gravy. Damn the cost I want my taters!!

Melissa - One thing I would like to know about Clara is does she ever travel to Vancouver?
A. Y’know dear I have not as yet. But I’m gonna make it there someday. We had a family reunion there a few years back and I had to work so I couldn’t go. My entire family says that I was made for Vancouver. So yeah I’ll be going someday soon hopefully.

Maria didn’t ask anything, she knows too much already. Poor thing.

clarative writing

I’ve continued a tradition of theft from Osbasso with this little activity. Show me what you think of me and fill in the blanks then post it in the comments section. Here’s your opportunity to shower me with stuff. Y’know compliments, improvements needed, suggested sexual positions. Just the basics. Have fun.

01] I _____ Clara.
02] Clara is _____.
03] If I were alone in a room with Clara, I would _____.
04] I think Clara should _____.
05] Clara needs _____.
06] I want to _____ Clara.
07] Someday Clara will ___.
08] Clara reminds me of _____.
09] Without Clara _____.
10] My memories of Clara are _____.
11] Clara can be _____.
12] The worst thing about Clara is _____.
13] The best thing about Clara is _____.
14] I am _____ with Clara.
15] One thing I would like to know about Clara is _____.
16] Clara should go and _____.
17] Clara _____ me.

noble or doormat?

Aerick had an interesting quiz on his blog today. Now I always thought I’d be the magician or the assassin but I’ve come to realize that just isn’t quite right for me. When playing FFX tho I depended on and adored Lulu, I didn’t really want to BE her. Auron was just too badass not to want to emulate. So it’s a little clearer to me now. Who knew I was so noble. Although it seems more likely that it’s more along the lines of Knights of Xentar, where I just have a hard time saying no, so I end up on all these quests for people. Or like in Legend of Zelda – Windwaker.

But at least in Xentar you get laid.


Knight


Whats your fantasy class? (Multi-gender with anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

If you don’t take the quiz you have to at least check out all the results, the pictures are wicked.

Toys r me

Finally had a fun lazy weekend. Saw Harry Potter and yes I cried. What else is new. I quite enjoyed it tho I must say Voldemort was somehow not quite what I expected. I thought he’d be a more commanding presence perhaps. After the movie we went to Toys r Us for Christmas shopping (before we’d gone to Indigo to see if Beck was working. She was but was really busy so we just stared at her for awhile then left). I looooove Toys r Us. The only real Christmas shopping to be done for my side of the family is niece and nephew so Jer and I decided to go to the toy store. I won’t go into specifics, as my niece reads my blog, or at least looks at it, but I can tell you about the toy I bought for myself.
Yes I know, Christmas and you’re buying gifts for yourself?!? Well I’ve drooled over this guy for my toy collection for AGES and when we saw him on the weekend he was on sale. Thirteen bucks!!! How could I not have the King of Aquilonia on his throne in my apartment for such a pittance? How I ask you?!? Ah Conan. From slave to thief to warrior to king. All the while a lover. Ah.

Anyhoo I also got Jeremy and I a big ass kinder egg. Well the Christmas one is more of a ball but he’d never had one so I had to indulge him. Plus they were by the counter and I am the queen of impulse purchases. I think our eggs got mixed up because I ended up with the cool race car that really motors when you pull it back on a hard surface and Jeremy got a cute bowling game with a shark that has a wheel on it’s belly and a bunch of octopus’s to knock down.

What fun!

forbidden love

Ah the heartache! The devastation and longing!! Is there anything more poignant than the plight of these star crossed lovers? Can they ever be together? If they manage to steal a few fleeting moments together will they be better off than loving each other from afar? Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Age old questions my friend. Questions I have no answer for.


I did happen across this photo of a sculpture and at first it creeped me out. Then I started thinking of the whole forbidden love thing and it grew on me. I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up getting a frame at the dollar store and hanging it on my wall. Just something about it. Secret goings on in the woods that we can barely imagine. Maybe the hare is it’s mother, and this is a maternal embrace. Maybe the hare has killed the dog in battle and is holding it as it dies in a profound respect that only lifelong enemies can have. We will never know. But boy can we speculate. I think I may even write a short story about it. Feel free to do the same.


There once was a Hare from Nantucket…..

Sophie Ryder – Lady Hare Holding Dog

hnt – skin secrets revealed!

Yes this ghostly glow is achieved through a strict regimen of facial masks, refinishers, moisturizers, exfoliaters and the like. For added sickly sheen one can adhere to a steady diet of fast food, video games and staying indoors.

Seriously how pale am I? Last night at din I was sitting across from the mirror and I swear I was see through. Maybe I should hit up the tanning beds. Or you can just start calling me Casper.
Play here:

7 things i’m always happy to see

In no particular order here are 7 things that will always put a smile on my face or lift my spirits. These are not to be confused with 7 things that never fail to amuse me, which consists mainly of my own escapades and maybe some of Jeremy's.



African elephants.
Really any elephant will do in a pinch but these bad boys are the best.

Mashed potatoes. Usually seeing these means I’m about to eat some. And it doesn’t get much better than that.

Jesus. As he doesn’t really drop on in and hang out all that often this pretty much refers to paraphernalia, mainly happy, cheerful ones. Especially this buddy Christ. C’mon how much does that rock!?!

Daisies. In any way shape or form. Gotta love that magnificent and simple bloom.

Yellow. Any shade or tone will do, but my favorite is that bright sunny deep yellow. It honestly clicks a happy switch in my head. And it’s faster acting than any drugs you could take!

Anime. Love it all but here I’ve showcased some of my favourites – cute creatures, catgirls and yaoi. Gotta love that boy/boy romantic action. No really I gotta, I think it’s a condition. Oh and you if recognize this particular catgirl you're as naughty as I am.

Lastly, my own boobs. Who doesn’t LOVE these beauties? Look how pretty and tan they are here. And so much fun to play with. I can rest my chocolate bar and a book on there.

Feel free to try this little experiment yourself. Let me know if you do, I’d like to see……
So these are the things that make me happy to see, without fail. Except for comments of course. We like those.