birthday terror - of the sea

"Gather round little shelled ones, and hear a sordid tale of epic proportions – She who must be served. Every year we must remember that She comes, looking for her pound and a half of flesh. Aye my crabbies, burrow deep and hide, for She who must be served is waiting, waiting for innards aplenty.She is calling, calling for her dinner -

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the meat of a crustacean….argh!”


Happy Birthday Rebecca – you bloodthirsty wench. Or should I say butterthirsty?


*update - I forgot to mention that this is pseudo sister-in law #2. Hayley is Jeremy's little sister and Beck is the baby sister. So those of you keeping track can make an accurate family tree and all.

respect? no thanks!

Every morning I walk by this construction area (we’re getting a Sobey’s Express! Yay!). The time of day I walk by is always the same, as I am a creature of habit. It coincides with the burly workers' morning coffee break.

I think you can see where this is going.

They line up on either side of the sidewalk so you have no choice but to walk through them like some sort of sweaty, cut off t-shirt gauntlet. And every morning – they completely ignore me. What the ef? I've got some serious ass on me man! I am a pretty piece of flesh I am! I’m going to have to accidentally on purpose pop a boob out one of these days. Honestly. What is the world coming to.

hofftastic

Thank you Binsk and love the hoff.com for bringing this to my attention. Really. Thank you.

I want bobik

I love German Shepherds. Love love love. My dear departed Pucci was a fine example of German Sheperdness and is probably the reason I love them so much now. He was a big kitten. I miss him. Anyhoo I was perusing the Toronto Humane Society website and found the most adorable German Shepherd/Dalmatian mix. BOBIK! I love him. How sweet is he? I oohed and ahhed over him for a few minutes, emailed him to my mum and mum in-law, lamented living in a tiny non-pet apartment and moved on. I ended up in the ‘animals with special needs’ category. Sob! No really I am near tears. These poor creatures! No they aren’t in horrible shape but you know they will have a poor chance of being adopted. It’s all about the kittens and the puppies. Anyway who did I spy there but my dear Bobik! Poor wee thing suffers from anxiety and is epileptic. Like me! Well I’m twitchy not seizurey but close enough. And he likes veggies just like my Pucci did. Someone for the love of God adopt this precious pup I will give you $50. I mean it. But you have to be worthy. Seriously mum, dad – wouldn’t he be perfect for the farm? I really will give you $50. Here's his page.

A098339 Male (Neutered), 10 years10 years, Dalmatian/Shepherd mix

"I was surrendered to the shelter after 10 years in the same home because they could no longer care for me – I am restless at night and becoming destructive due to anxiety when left alone. These are common issues in dogs as we age and I would like the chance to be in a comfortable home for my retirement years. I certainly don’t mean to cause trouble! I am epileptic but do not currently take any medication. My seizures are clustered – I may have them a few days in a row and then not again for months at a time. A neurologist examined me but found nothing of concern. My previous guardians noted that after my first seizure I became unsettled at night. K9 Services recommends that I be crated at night for my own comfort and yours. I am a very sweet dog, even the specialist said so during my appointment. I am afraid of thunder, but enjoy my veggies as a snack. I should only go home with a very experienced owner, and if that is you please come into the shelter to speak with K9 Services. Remember, older dogs need great homes too!"

Oh Bobik I love you. Sniffle.

social whirl

Jeremy and I were busy little debutantes this weekend; we had social engagements on BOTH days! Wowee. As much as we were bemoaning the fact that we had to leave the apartment we had so much fun!

Connie’s bday was up first – a Saturday Summerlicious event. I have never done any of the licious’ before but now I am a believer. I told Jeremy that we have to go at to at least one restaurant every year. He agreed but thought that Saturday’s lunch should count for the ‘nice anniversary dinner’ that we still haven’t gone out for. Nice try buddy. Summerlicious or Winterlicious would be fine but piggybacking it onto someone’s birthday outing is unacceptable. Honestly. Anyhoo it was a blast and even Tony Leung stopped by to grant wishes. Just him being there granted mine… sigh…

Sunday brought us to a pig roast – freaking yum. It was my boss’s birthday and we made the treacherous trek out to Mississauga via the Go bus. It was strange territory for my downtown self, and Jeremy always feels so exposed when we go somewhere without tall buildings. Although with the sun and rain battling it out for the skies I got some very pretty cloud pictures for the society Anyway an open bar + a whole roasted pig = good time. We had to leave early though, to catch the bus. We ended up sitting at the terminal for an hour because someone misread the schedule. Well I can’t blame Jeremy entirely, I did have a schedule in my purse – I just didn’t bother to pull it out.

Heh.

On the way to Union station on Sunday Jeremy took me to see a heretofore undiscovered jewel of our fair city. An elephant statue!! And her babies! Of course we had to climb all over them and take pictures like tourists. Now that I know it’s there I’m going to have to stop by and visit every now and then. Ahh, they’ll miss me.

spoon feed me words

“Named Lizette, she was a Grecian temple in which no sacrifice had ever been made. Vestal virgin of New Orleans, found walking without shadow in the thankgod coolness of cockroach-crawling Louisiana night”

Excerpt from "On the Downhill Side" by Harlan Ellison

One of the best bits of prose I have ever read. Love love love. I like to say it over and over. Just ask Jeremy. Back when I used to drink nightly I would slur it at him every 5 minutes. He’s not quite to fond of it anymore but I rediscovered it while pawing through half filled notebooks searching for something to post about. It worked, and I’ve revealed a new depth of feeling for it that could only be achieved through the clarity of sobriety. Smooth and crisp, it’s one of those things that makes me want to crystallize words into reality until I through them on the bed and roll around in them.

Or put them into a big bin and jump in them like at Chuck E. Cheese.

jeremy finds a ball

“oh mummy it’s ever so orange! I like to throw it up in the air and pretend it’s the sun! can I play for 5 more minutes? I’m such a good boy! tra la la la!”

shut your coffee hole.

merry mishap

Jeremy and I felt so lucky when we found out we could skip the bus this Saturday and get a ride down to my parents farm from the in-laws. Plus we got to stop at a book sale where you filled up a box of books for only $30!! Wowee! What fun! Or so we thought. Duh duh duh…

We hadn’t even gotten out of Toronto when things started getting crazy. We were chatting along, when a loud dull thud and a persistent flapping noise garnered out full attention. A tire had gone bye bye. Well a large portion of it anyway, which Jeremy went back for, dodging highway traffic like a maniac. It was deadly hot and we were on the side of the QEW/Gardiner where those big stone garden design are that say CN, FedEx, etc. hmmm, shade. So we hopped over the train tracks and decided to relax in the shade while we waited for CAA to show up. We’d just made it over when Jeremy pulls a face and calmly remarks ‘oh geez’. Then sits down. He takes of his sandal and there is BLOOD EVERYWHERE! Well that’s how I remembered it anyway. He had stepped on an exceedingly rusty nail and punctured a hole in his foot. Shudder. This thing would not stop gushing.. Luckily we were close to St. Joseph’s Hospital and several mechanics (as the uber helpful CAA attendant informed us) so we had Jeremy gauzed up, given a tetanus shot and a new tire in just under an hour. Talk about service!



All in all it was quite the adventure. I was really tempted to try and find my surgeon (the one who made me hypoparathyroid, he’s at St. Joseph’s) and have a wee chat, but I didn’t quite have the time or the balls. Pity.

squinty mcgee

After posting those two pics yesterday I noticed that something was up with my eyes. Now this is something I’ve noticed before, and it’s always the left eye that seems a little wider (right in the photos). I wonder why that is. Even in my grade 8 grad photo you can see it. I think it’s more noticeable when I’m smiling widely, as you can see. First of all – holy wrinkles!! I was shocked when I cropped the eyes and got up close and personal. Mother. But it’s almost as if it’s upturned a bit, and the other eye is straight on. If they both did that I’d look very exotic I’m sure. Maybe my under eye/cheek muscles are over developed in the one eye. Whichever, I think it adds to my quirkiness.




Jeremy says I have a lazy eye but I thought that was when one eye seemed to be looking in another direction from the other. Like the baby pic. Jeremy thinks it’s the squinty eye thing, like the Paris Hilton pic. Meh. I’m pretty sure it only happens when I’m smiling but I just couldn’t find a pic of me not smiling to compare it too. I’m just so damned cheerful (insert sarcastic scoff here). Exuberant;y moody would be a more apt descriptor of myself. Yes, I like that.

so do you like..stuff?

Due to craziness I ask that you talk amongst yourselves. But why not discuss my pretty new necklaces. The beaded one I won at the art auction while at the convention, the silver one Beck brought me as a present from Costa Rica. Yay for me!



Oh and for more convention pics check out the gallery that Aerik put up. His pics are awesome.

To make up for my lack of attentions this week, and possibly early next week, I will write you all a stunning work of fiction by next week. You’ll love it. Love, sex, epiphanies - you name it you go it. All you have to do is ask.

Oh and I could use your opinions and googling powers – I went to my endo yesterday to hear their decision about radiation treatment. They couldn’t reach a consensus and it is up to ME to decide it I want RAI (radioactive iodine) treatment or not. An expert panel of docters couldn't decide so somehow I will be able to. Mother EFF!?!?! Anyhoo, I’m open to all opinions.

Here’s my stats:

· Papillary thyroid cancer
· 2.3 cm single nodule
· Contained to right lobe
· Total Thyroidectomy April 26th
· Hypoparathyroidism (surgical damage)

oh my! best toronto trek ever

This weekend was so much fun. And so exciting!! All my sisters came, along with Jeremy (of course) and my brother in-law. The big draws for me were George Takei and Garrett Wang . Well after hearing Garrett speak on stage he became my favourite. So funny! And totally hot. We kept running into him around the hotel so by the time I was in front of him to get an autograph I was completely smitten. We all were; every time he passed us we twittered and acted like goobers. Even when we were at the dance and I spilled my rye and ginger on his shoes. Heh. Awesome. I met George Takei while getting his autograph. He was surprisingly chatty; and with a voice like that who wouldn’t be. If I had a wicked voice I would record myself reading books and listen to it constantly. Oh wait I did that all the time when I was a kid. Anyhoo, he liked the picture I chose (it was his favourite episode - giggle snort, sigh…). Here they are:


The masquerade was good, some really great costumes. Here are some of my favs:



Kt and I missed out on meeting the Ghostbusters but everybody else did; Jenna got a business card from them (it says Ghostbusters on it, very professional looking). In case we ever have a paranormal pest problem, now we know who to call.

Em came for the Stargate more than the Star Trek, so she was thrilled when she got to have her picture taken with some well-dressed fans. However when one of them handed her a gun she transformed into a fierce warrior. Honestly what a difference!


On the last day we saw Lexa Doig and Michael Shanks speak (partly together – they’re married in real life). Now I had no plans to go and see these two but my sisters wanted to go so off we went. I’m SO glad I went, they are frickin hilarious! And raunchy! My goodness if there were no kids around I can only imagine how x-rated it would have gotten. Here’s a clip of a naughty joke they told, the quality’s not great but suck it, you don’t have to watch. But I think you should. You can hear when I finally get the joke (Ooh…).



Oh you two…

Every year I get a toy/action figure at the convention and I expected to do the same this year. However our time was almost up and I had only gotten a beaded necklace (it’s beautiful! I won it at the art auction, I’ll show you later). Nothing was really jumping out at me but then I saw a Chronicles of Riddick set for $15!! So I snatched that up and later found a Golden Girls doll (Onyx) for $1.50! How could I pass that up? So welcome to my collection.



In Clara’s apartment, we play with our toys. Or in Jeremy’s case we stage massive battles with our ninja turtles. I’m still waiting for The Great War – I’ve been hearing about it since 2001.

FINALLY!!!!

anniversary of the blessed event - quarter of a century

Yes it’s Jeremy’s birthday today. The title of this post is actually how today is referred to. Mostly by Jeremy himself but still, word gets around. I made the mistake of saying ‘it’s not your birthday yet’ yesterday and was treated to a frosty glare and told that it was his birthday week. I must confess I subscribe to that same philosophy, especially around the end of January (my birthday you dolts – Jan 29th mark it down). Anyway I got all of Jeremy’s present s some time ago, when I had money. It’s a good thing I did too, otherwise he’d be getting a Clara coupon book. No nothing dirty, more like ‘good for one Clara shutting up’. And no I can't claim that bright idea as my own. I stole it from his sister. Anyhoo I thought I should share some Jeremy with the rest of you – in celebration. Or because misery loves company, whichever.

There is a picture I drew of Jeremy when we first started dating the second time around. Yes that is my fabulous signature – don’t go stealing my identity now. You’ll notice the squiggle after my name – it’s a daisy. I’ve signed my name with one ever since grade 8 (every time I sign it) and that’s why there is an asterisk after Clara every time I type it. Close enough eh? Anyway I’d better get back to Jeremy or he’ll have my head. Or pout. Most likely pout.

We can see Jeremy as a young boy in all his adorableness, posing prettily for the camera as he still does today…which we can see in the photo of Jeremy wearing a cropped hoodie. I remember taking this and threatening to post it and I believe he said I couldn’t, he would kill me or some such thing. However I have no such notice in writing, therefore, voila. So happy birthday my love, you always amuse me and are the perfect subject for sharpening my wit/claws. You always fight back. Mwah.

colourful and claracentric – doesn’t get any better than this

Susan has a luverly graph up on her blog and I decided to give it a whirl.

Y’know I had a dress once with almost this same pattern on it. I lurved that dress. Isn’t it grand? A pseudo flower whose very essence is clariffic, claraful, claratonic and claravoyantly claragraphic. Perfick.

What do these colours mean? They mean I'm awesome.Well ok if you insist -



Get yer own blog as a graph.

shyza!

Well the thrill ride is over for Germany. Yes I was proudly rooting for Germany to go all the way. Sigh. Now I confess I haven’t technically been watching any of the games but I feel I’ve been very involved nonetheless. See I live on Yonge St. and after every game there would be a ruckus outside and Jeremy and I would just lean over and see what flags were being waved and we’d know who won. He was actually watching some games though; in fact he had a dreadful fever and was (apparently) near death until he realized that by taking the day off work he could watch the game. He was cured. Well in spirit anyway. But I digress. While walking home yesterday I had just passed College and was nearly knocked on my ass by a deafening roar. I’m pretty sure it was mainly from Hoop’s but it could have just as easily been Little Italy itself. So I knew, by the time I got home to see Jeremy’s moue I already knew the bitter taste of defeat. I was waiting for the kick in the teeth this morning to come from my boss, a Brit who I ruthlessly harassed when England went out. I sent her the following email:

Heard England was out. Sorry Poodle. Auf Wiedersehen ;P hee hee.

Heh. Well I never claimed to be classy. Anyhoo I expected retal, maybe a Suck a crumpet or something. Nothing yet but I’m sure she’s cooking something up. So I checked out the Official FIFA site this morn, in preparation for this post, and found a heartening article regarding Germany’s loss. The stein is half full -

“President Horst Koehler told the newspaper that Germans must try to sustain the new-found patriotism they discovered during the tournament, when for the first time since the war waving German flags and singing the national anthem were accepted as natural gestures of healthy national pride.”

Huh. Never thought about it like that. But you know I haven’t seen a single German flag being waved in the city. Sure there isn’t really a ‘German town’ here, but still. Moving on -

"People abroad were stunned by the Germans, who turned a perfectly organized tournament into a gigantic celebration. We are the world champions in partying. This World Cup month has done us good."

True! I was walking home with Margaret and remarked on the lack on flags and cheering that takes place on a Germany win and she said that that was because the Germans don’t drink or party as much as the English in their pubs. I looked at her aghast and asked her if she’d ever heard of Oktoberfest. C’mon now. Honestly.

clara* - casting agent extraordinaire

I am a woman of many wonderful ideas. After some discussion with Jeremy I have decided to share a few of these ideas with you. Today’s topic is – actors who should play specific characters in movies that have not yet been/may never be made. These two characters are particularly near and dear to me and these actors were BORN to play these roles. In fact if they ever made these movies without these guys playing their parts, I would seriously boycott them. Well maybe not totally. I would just rent.





Anyway first up is Gambit. If they ever (relax I know it’s not bloody likely) make another X-Men movie it freaking better have Gambit in it and he better be played by Vincent Cassel. The guy would be perfect and he’s actually French. He could totally pull of Gambit’s Cajun charm. Let’s strap a long coat on that ass and start the kinetic madness shall we?

Next up – Sam Vimes. The commander of the Anhk-Morpork City Watch from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels should be played by Pete Postlethwaite and none other. I mean it. He’s funny and serious at the same time and I could totally see him kicking some ass if you pushed him far enough. Bingly Bingly Beep – note to self, send a letter to Pete demanding he play this role.

I feel very strongly about both of my choices and I stand by them. I’m not the only one either. Google it on up if you don’t believe me.