predatory gazes

purrrrr...

CONGRATULATIONS NATALIE!!!

That’s right poodles, last night our very own Natalie took home the title of Miss Universe®. Yay for her and yay for Canada. I don’t get the channel the pageant was aired on but Maria called me and started shouting that Natalie had won. Naturally I say ‘are you serious’ and she matter of factly says ‘oh course why else would I call you at 11 at night?’. Ah, Maria. Anyway I did get a chance to see a brief clip of the winning moment from Global News Morning, where I saw Denis and Miguel freak out and wave the Canadian flag quite ecstatically. The one and only time we’ve won was in 1982 and I’m so proud of Natalie, though I knew she’d do well. I’m hoping this means there will be more excitement in the office, maybe some interviews filmed here or something. I’ll let you know if there is and then you can watch and you’ll see this mop-headed receptionist saunter slowly by in the background, several times under the pretext that I forgot something at the copier or something. That’ll be me.

update* ok what i said before about trying to get on Tv for any interviews was a total lie. CityTV just came by to ask US what we thought of Natalie winning and i ran away and took my lunch until they were gone. i'm a scaredy cat.

what's new

This morning I walked to work alongside the multitude of cyclists celebrating bike week. it was kind of cool having little to no cars on the road. Right when I got to Yonge & Dundas a bike cop wiped out in the center of the intersection, how embarrasing. As I was walking I was approached by a homeless guy for a smoke. This happens several times a day so nothing big there. I said no, as usual, and then he said ‘well give me what you have left there’ pointing to my half a cigarette I was currently smoking. ‘um, no I’m smoking it’, ‘c’mon just give me that’ and he started following me. ‘NO THIS IS MINE!’ then I run away. Geez! The gall. Maybe there are some things about downtown that are annoying. People asking me for money or cigarettes everyday is one of them. I’m going to start carrying suckers and handing those out. Hey who doesn’t like candy?

So this weekend was my sister’s bridal shower. Not painful as most showers are, it was actually fun. Delish food, lots of booze, fun games and good company. It was just my immediate family and we had a game of Marry Date or Dump while I played bartender. I even made up little drink menus. With freely flowing wine and a bunch of ladies pontificating upon which celebrities they’d get involved with – how can you not have a good time?

My beautiful farm:


Some cloud pics from this weekend that I’ve submitted to the society:


KT’s new room – my two favourite areas:


Lilu’s new look and Kt’s delish Turtle cheesecake:


And lastly, KT’s new haircut that looks like a certain Thunderkitten we all know and love:


Pics from Jenna's shower and the farm this weekend are at nigh.ca for all you nighs out there.

spontaneous drunk

Ever heard the term falling down drunk? Probably. Ever seen someone falling down drunk? Maybe. Ever been falling down drunk? Admit it you have. well last night I was. Wowee. I didn’t drink a lot, 3 glasses of wine over 3 hours (BIG glasses tho) but for whatever reason (been dieting) I got plastered. It resulted in me spending WAY to much money for my sister’s birthday gift, and considering that I still have a shower gift AND wedding gift to get, totally overboard of me. I now have $80 to my name. I hate being broke. Ah well I do have a history of going overboard. My sisters used to tell me I had a problem with ‘crossing the line’. THERE’S A LINE!? I’ve never seen it. Anyway last night after a round of Mario party that I don’t even know how I played, let alone won, I fell right on my face while closing the place up for the night. Now I didn’t just fall out of nowhere, it was a combo of drunk and cluttered apartment. I was trying to jump the hurtle of some DVDs (we have an obsession) and I woefully misjudged the height of the stack, resulting in a forward dive. This morning I groggily came to and muttered aloud ‘why does my nose hurt?’ and I hear Jer respond ‘you were totally hammered and fell on your face’, to which I respond ‘when did you get here?’. Ah ha ha ha. Ok I’ve taken a bit of creative license here to make it funnier but that’s basically what happened. I have bluer than usual under eye circles and a slightly swollen nose today. It hurts when I sneeze. Awesome. Oh and did I mention that tonight is my sister’s bridal shower and I’ll be seeing all the family I haven’t seen in months. Won’t they be impressed. Well you know what – DONT CARE. I’m 24 years old, supporting myself with minimal responsibilities in life – if now is not the time to get falling down drunk, I don’t know when it is. Thank you ladies and gentleman, have a great weekend.

Pics:

Jeremy and my heights marked on my door. He wanted to find out exactly how tall he was and I busted out the tape measure but he ran to the door excitedly and told me to mark it down. How can I resist that puppy?

While getting my sister’s gift I stumbled upon dream girl featured on the cover of Heavy Metal. Sigh, if you were real you’d be mine.

And last but certainly not least, is Jeremy being devastatingly handsome, and all with only one eye showing. Smoldering isn't he?


new pic and poem (well old actually but you've never seen them) at grinchala

BAD AMERICA, go sit in the corner

So SO disappointed in America this morning. For shame. Rather than rant about it however I’ll just quote an expert on American Idol - a small victory.

“I'm a little disappointed, but not shocked. I think it was determined a long time ago that Carrie would win. You may be one of those people who believes in the integrity and honesty of the entertainment industry, but I gave up that ghost before I even stopped believing in the tooth fairy.”

“My predictions for some of the contestants: Carrie will be singing at state fairs within two years. Bo and Constantine will have a reality show on VH1. Vonzelle will prove to be the sleeper of the pack, and will become a star. Nadia will appear in Playboy in the near future and make a couple of B horror movies. Mikalah will get her own talk show, but no one will notice, much like Tony Danza's show. Scott will settle into a double-wide with a fan who sent him a pair of worn panties. Anwar will never be heard from again, which I think is just what he wants. Anthony will record a song with Clay Aiken and John Stevens and they'll have to wear name tags so people can tell them apart. Jessica and Lindsey will star as a tandem in Backdoor Sluts, Volume 10.

My semi-drunken live blog of the show can be found here.

Update: I should add that the absolute hightlight of the show was the Dirk and Hasselhoff moment”
via a small victory


Oh it was. It truly was.

Please PLEASE check out the semi-drunken live posting during the show, it’s hilarious and quite apt.

Now, on to real life. This morning while walking to work, I heard a whistle as someone walked by me. I thought ‘wow, I can’t remember the last time someone whistled at me, if in fact that was for me’ and kept walking. Then I hear ‘CLARA!’. Turns out it was GEORGE(!), walking home from work. So after hugs and chats we discovered that each of us, everyday, walks down/up Yonge street at that time. I can’t believe we haven’t run into each other before this. Sure it’s a big city but there are people who I don’t know who I see everyday at the same time, as we pass on the street. 'Girl who has the same hair as me' and '12 year old kid with Asian nanny' I see while passing the College Park Shops, for example (wow I can just imagine the google hits I’ll be getting with that last sentence). Anyway I think I’ve made my point. I think. So even tho it’s kind of sad that I thought a got a real whistle, and was flattered for that moment – I’d like to thank George for doing the whistling. I think deep down, you probably do want me. Don’t we all.

shoe tree madness

Ok this is for those of you who know the shoe tree on point abino road in Stevensville/Snyder/Ridgeway - whatever the hell that place is called where I grew up. Apparently this is not an isolated phenomenon (via webjunkie ).

I don’t know why this is done, but there are many theories.

I did an image search on Google for shoe tree, just for kicks, and was amazed at the results. I’ll try to get a pic this weekend off MY shoe tree, but no promises.

funny AND true

Coworker #1: My palms are sweaty. What do you think that means?
Coworker #2: It means you're annoyed.
Coworker #1: Really?
Coworker #2: No, I guess I was just projecting.

***

Operator: Am I turning the conference over to you?
CEO: Yes.
Operator: And what title would you like to be associated with your name?
CEO: Supreme Commander.
Engineer: She thinks he's kidding.
Operator: So what title would you really like?
CEO: Supreme Commander


overheardintheoffice.com

Sigh, I love it.

why fievel needs to go

Pokemon Isn't a Good Guide to Biology

Guy #1: Yo dude, I got a mouse in my apartment.
Guy #2: You better kill it before it grows into a rat.

--A train

Overheard

smells like monday morning

Weekend was lovely, Jer and I just laid about, watching movies and reading our books. Wonderful but not inspiring enough to write about in detail.

This morning however, I had a bit of a lump come my way. I was supposed to be in an HOUR early for a meeting that was booked ages ago. I drag my sorry ass out of my nice bed and away from my darling Bear and trudge on in to work. Once I’ve arrived I do my thing to get all opened up and start playing online while I wait. So I wait. And wait. Once 8:30 rolls around I’m pissed. So I check the general VM here at work and there’s a message from this morning, saying they’d like to cancel. Gee, thanks for sharing. I really didn’t mind coming in an hour early for no reason, I’m assuming you won’t want to pay for my time since you didn’t show and why don’t I just bend over and you can do me right proper. Snarl.

update* I should mention that Star Wars was great, I did get a little choked up at the end, but no tears. Also I've decided that I need to get Jeremy one of those cloaks Annakin wore - yummy! He's decided he wants to be a Sith lord. He's been holding his hand above my leg and trying to squezze it with his mind. You're special babe.

finale finale finale

Last night was a night of finales. Will & Grace, CSI and the Apprentice. CSI won the battle for our viewing attention, with Will & Grace and the Apprentice being flip channels. I’m sorry but 2 hour CSI directed by Quentin Tarantino? NO CONTEST. Oh Nick you were so brave, sigh. Anyway tonight is Star Wars @10pm, very excited and judging by all the reviews I’ve been hearing I won’t be disappointed. I just hope Jeremy doesn’t wear a Darth Vadar mask or anything. I mean, I’m a fan but Jeremy is a ‘have a light saber battle with your friend while waiting in line’ fan. Seriously, they were on the news. I heard this morning on Global that it was a bit emotional. Great. I’ve become quite a leaker, well more like Niagara Falls really. But if there is anything to get teary-eyed about – I will. For instance last night on CSI when Eckley was being really nice and supportive during the search for Nick, I got a little choked up. So I’ll have to bring some tissues to Star Wars, just in case.

it gets worse

via slideroll

when vanity meets boredom

mosiaclara

may 17th - one year later

Yesterday was ‘one year ago we met again’ for Jeremy and myself. For those of you who don’t know, we dated briefly in university and last year we made contact for the first time in over three years. Instant sparks. At least I thought so. The second time we went out for a beer I knew it was inevitable that something would happen. I didn’t know what that might be, I certainly didn’t think a year later we’d be together and not have gotten on each others nerves enough to even make the radar.

When I went to my apartment last night he was already there and wearing the same shirt he wore exactly one year ago. When we went out for that first beer he bought it especially for that occasion, so I thought that was sweet. That’s about the extent of romantic sentiment I’ll get out of him, so it counts for a lot more than you might think. On that note, there are some pros to having me as a girlfriend. Backrubs, foot rubs, back scratches, and head scratches – these are nearly unlimited. And I’m good at them. Also I don’t nag about things. Anyway there is a price to pay for these things. A terrible terrible price. At any given moment I will turn to you and ask you why I’m special. Or why you love me, or what you were thinking when you first saw me. It’s true. I don’t do it often but it happens randomly. This is a surefire way to make Jeremy squirm. Last night, being an anniversary of sorts I wanted to reflect on the year gone by. He tried to get away with ‘time flies when you’re having fun’ when pressed about his feeling about the past year. Eventually I uncovered that I have vastly increased his DVD collection and that makes him happy. He’s lucky he’s adorable.

my first fan email

It's so exciting!! With Lee's permission I've decided to share it with you.

I heard something about bloggers on the radio over the weekend and decided to check them out. The reason I'm emailing you, yours was the first Blog that I have ever read.

Just thought it would be a cool thing to know... you were my first... don't perv that up too much.

Great site,

Have fun!

Lee

I've initiated an innocent into the seedy world of blogging. If i don't watch it I'll get my old nickname back.

Mistress Clarabell.

........i didn't say how much later

I got all my work done yesterday so I can write you all a weekend re-cap post now, don’t expect poetry. KT came to visit for the weekend and we all went bridesmaid dress shopping. Found something, something we all LOVE if you can believe it, and will wear again. Yay. Later we went to the in-laws for din and Kt has (for the moment) become favourite, even tho she didn’t clean her plate. Jer, Kt and I went to Unleashed on Sunday. I cried, what else is new. Jet Li is amazing. Sigh. Kt and I hit up ABC Books and nearly cleaned them out. Anyway a fun time was had by all, except for an hour long period of standing out in the rain at Bayview station due to crossed wires. The lightening was pretty to watch tho.

Last night was the baby shower for Tracey and I think we all got pretty drunk. It was a blast. The women I work with are so awesome. They’re strong and confident and have the BEST raunchy stories. Ah, I love it. My night ended with a message on my phone from pseudo sister in-law Hayley which I don’t remember. I do know I called her back and left a message, I just don’t know what I said. Heh.

i'll do it later....

Took this quiz from Maria:

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Postmodernist 81% Cultural Creative 81% Idealist 69% Existentialist 56% Fundamentalist 50% Materialist 44% Romanticist 44% Modernist 38% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

I’ll post about my weekend later – I actually have to get some work done.

update - i think the post-modernist actually describes me better...

Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis

i think i'm a blend of the two.

tgif the 13th

Ok so I’m bridesmaid dress shopping this weekend. Yay. That was heavily laced with sarcasm. Between my stinky feet that people comment LOUDLY about when I’m in the dressing room and the extra weight, shopping for clothes is not really fun. Poo bum. Well I’m taking my camera and any dress that expresses what a stunna I am I’ll show you guys later. If I can’t find one I’ll post a nude pic.


….is she joking?

Mwah ha ha…..

happy friday

perv with clean dishes

You’ll never believe it – I cleaned my kitchen last night. By kitchen I mean a counter with a sink, two shelves and a stove. But you can see for yourself. So if you ever wonder why I don’t cook, this here is a contributing factor. It is nice and clean now but c’mon – it’s tiny.

I’m preparing for my darling little sister KT to come up and visit. We’re hunting for bridesmaid dresses this weekend but she’s coming a few days early to get to know Toronto. I think she’ll LOVE IT. I know I do. Oh Toronto….oh my…yeah that’s it right there….oh….TORONTO!!!

Ahh, so funny. And pervy. Every single time I’ve tried one of those love meter things where you put in a quarter and place your hand on it I’ve gotten pervert. You can’t fight the love meter man. Don’t even try.

Also here’s me looking cute, ready to head out for work. Enjoy.

Do I look extra stunning? I lost 5llbs. Not a lot but a very nice start.

uchenna & joyce

All I have to say is yay for Uchenna and Joyce. I told Jeremy that I wanted them to win and then adopt some kids from that orphanage in South Africa that they visited while racing. And they WON!! I’m thrilled. Ahhh. Now just two more Apprentices to go then I’m free from reality TV. I may actually go outside.


While browsing the internet for Amazing Race tidbits I stumbled across Hera’s blog. So cool. It’s in my blogroll - Just Keepin' it Real.

like herpes but without the sores

I'm infectious - in a good way:

Bluerose wrote:

“What is this world coming to? The day I can no longer smoke OUTSIDE!!! without someone telling me what a horrible habit it is... arg... or even worse 'You're too pretty to smoke' ... As Clara would say...


...SUCKIT!

cuz you're too rude to listen to!!”


Ahhh. That’s right my children. The revolution has begun.




p.s. James Caan James Caan James Caan

i had a caan last night

Last night I had a romantic dream about James Caan. Romantic not erotic you pervs. And you know what? It was nice. I mean the dream morphed into a weird killing monster that preyed on serial killers but then started killing everyone. It looked like something out of an anime I must’ve seen but can’t place. When you’d open your door you’d see this tall figure all in black with a black Freddy hat and his arms crossed like a corpse. Then once you realized what it was and said ‘oh shit’ the head came up and this white face with an bizarre grin could be seen and the arms slowly unfolded and then I think he threw small dagger/knife things at you.

Anyway back to James and I. I’m pretty sure this came about because I watched Las Vagas last night and every time I watch it I’m like ‘man I would love to work at the Montecito for Ed (James)’. Now I said it wasn’t erotic, which it wasn’t, but things did get pretty hot and heavy before James decided he wanted to take things slow at first (if you can believe it). Eventually some woman kept trying to break us up (at some point during the dream I’m pretty sure we fell in love or at least had deep feelings – see I told you romantic!). So I enlisted the aid of my best friend, Monica from friends, tho eventually I was on my own because she had to go and do a live performance of an officer and a gentleman. After much cat-fighting and wacky schemes it turns out this woman wasn’t trying to break us up so she could have James, she wanted ME!! I’m sure I was tempted (blonde stunner she was) but in the end the Caan prevailed. It ended with him throwing me over his shoulder and taking me up to a suite at the Montecito. But that may have been when I was half awake and trying to mold the dream to my own imaginings.

Love that Jimmy Caan.

meh

I’m disappointed. I didn’t get to go home this weekend AT ALL. It was organizational issues which I reserve the right to blame my sister for partly (wench). Anyway fortunately we did get to see Jer’s mum when we thought she’d be all tied up with a shoot on Sunday. Jeremy actually drank wine at dinner. It was great, really loosens him up tho that’s not always a good thing.
I think I’m a little down, it’s probably hormonal (god I miss the pill) but who knows. I woke up this morning at like 5am and cried for twenty minutes. I mean full out sobbing. I couldn’t remember my dream but that could be a contributor. I really carry the sense of a dream with me into the waking world. If that is why I was blue when I woke then I hope I don’t remember it.

potpourri

I just received a mother’s day gift from a client. Huh. I don’t understand. Really. Is it common to get gifts for people who aren’t mothers, for mother’s day. The card reads “happy mother’s day clara.” Weird. Do I look like a mother? Do people think I’m pregnant or recently so due to excess jiggle?

Anyway I just JUST found out that Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series is ending!! I’m so excited. The newest book is the first in a trilogy that will end the series. I may just wait until they are all out in paperback then pickup the new ones I need and reread the WHOLE THING FROM THE BEGGINING!! I’m pumped.

So I’m going home to the farm this weekend so I’m hoping to get some good cloud pics to submit to the cloud appreciation society. Nothing like that country air to stir up some beauts. Wish me luck.

I’ll leave you all with a pic of some childhood nostalgia that it took me forever to track down. Styrofoam dolls. My sisters and I all had one, we got them from the circus. I loooved mine. We each picked ones wearing a dress that was our favourite colour, so mine was yellow. Once we were home my sisters realized mine had a different cut of dress and her cleavage was showing. So they started saying she was ‘sexy’. I was so embarrassed. I wonder whatever happened to that doll.

spontaneous rant

For the past two weeks I’ve been harassed by a 705 number. It would call at the same time every morning and not leave messages. It was actually three numbers and they all started with 705-444. after awhile they started calling at night and on the weekends so I actually could answer the phone. But I didn’t. By this point I was freaked out thoroughly thinking the worst and hoping to avoid it by not answering. Finally Ingrid had had enough of me whining and called all three numbers. They were ALL out of service. I figured that whatever it was was no longer and I would just never know (I should point out that I searched everywhere online to track the number but all I could find out was that it was a Collingwood number). Then Monday night I it called AGAIN. I answered the phone right away but it hung up as soon as I did. So pissed. By this point I’m contemplating calling bell. Last night they called again and I waited a moment then answered (angrily) HELLO??!!??

‘Is this Clara?’

‘YES!’

‘Well Clara one of your friends here in Collingwood has recommended you to enter some stupid luxury wonder getaway happy fun-time draw and – ‘

‘No I’m not interested and frankly I’ve been harassed by this number for the past two weeks. Remove me from your list.’

She was appalled I’d been ‘harassed’ and apologized. I don’t know anyone in Collingwood and if I did they certainly wouldn’t give out my cell number like that. Anyway my steam had run out so I didn’t yell at the woman any further, she was just doing her job. I’m proud of myself tho. Even when I am angry I never allow myself the luxury of showing it (except for close friends and family, before you guys start laughing your heads off). I always swallow it. I think I do this for two reasons. One, I hate confrontation and am ascared of it. Two, I don’t want to make people feel bad. I hate it when people either don’t care if they hurt someone else or they do it ON PURPOSE!! I see it everyday. I’m not asking for citywide hugs and kisses but for goodness sake try to be a little more considerate people. End rant.

p.s. – it wasn’t my intention to rant today, these things just happen.

i love sharpie

I just got a set of earth tone fine point sharpie markers and I couldn’t be happier. Tonight I’m going to draw drawrings in the bath and I’ll show you all tomorrow.

last 20

I know it’s not thrilling but c’mon, it’s somewhat interesting to see what searches have led people here. Think it’s stupid? Suck it. That’s right. Suck. It.
Suckit.

claradrian

I’ve discovered the Mondrian art that represents me. This thing turns your statistics into data and the data into art (via webjunkie). Fascinating really. I wish I had this in my apartment so that when people ask me what it’s supposed to be I can say it’s me and act really offended that they couldn't tell.

Ain't I cute?

oh how I missed you

FAMILY GUY. BACK ON TV. SO EXCITED MUST TYPE ALL IN CAPS!! Ok that will probably be annoying if I do it for the whole post. I’ll be brief, all my weekend plans fell apart and I ended up playing an obscene amount of Mario party. The big highlight (besides tacos and Sunday din) was the premiere episode of Family Guy. I’m so pleased with how it turned out, same voices, same animation, same offensive and politically incorrect subject matter. Ah, how sweet it is.