well spook-en!

One spooky night a chled what out! and saw……sothig glwg grebe! She ran am ran and then she stopped she hred srcsrscrsc: she ran.

She jets ran an the crasy she fell to the gnan. She said to hrsh: I wihs I was scrscsrcscrscr. She was gone her mom tekenm. Haah scrscsrcsrscrscsrc. Bey bey!

Translation (as far as I can figure):

One spooky night a child went out! And saw… something glowing green! She ran and ran and then she stopped she heard screeescreee: she ran.

She just ran on the grass she fell to the ground. She said to herself: I wish…screescree. She was gone. Her mom (told her? Took her?) ha ha. Screescree. Bye bye!

Note – the screescree noise was actually written as scribbles. I felt this portrayed the horrible scratching sound I envisioned. Think hook on car door. Also the ‘spooky’ in the opening line was originally written with shaky lettering so that the reader would know to say ‘spooOOooOOky’. The 'well spook-en' title was the name of this assignment (grade 2).

Next week: stayed tuned for ‘the rocky island’ and ‘the singing sword'….

future easter bunny by clara, age 7

Once upon a time there was a mother bunny and she had a baby boy bunny. And he was the future Easter bunny. Oh! What a sight was he! He worked so fast! I can’t believe my eyes! In the house she said: I love you but you must start to go and give eggs to the children. Ok! He said. So the next day he began. He looked at his list:

1. Sammy
2. Jack
3. Carla
4. Jenny
5. Sue
6. Chris
7. Jamie
8. Jimmy

That’s all he had to do for now. Well that happened millions of years ago. Now he is all grown up. He still lives, now he is the Easter bunny. Yep the Easter bunny.

the end

saddest thing I have ever seen downtown

At Yonge & Dundas this morning there was a street kid with his dead or nearly dead dog in his lap. To get the attention of passers by he was moving its arms as if it were conducting.

I’m thoroughly disturbed.

one more word...

Okay some new words have been added to the one word post in which I asked people to describe me in a word. I’ve made a permanent link to this post on the right, so I can update it and revisit it whenever I feel the need. I strongly advise you all to do something similar, it’s nice to have a pick me up like that on file. Hee. One of the words, which was inadvertently left out of the original posting, requires explanation. Well maybe not so much ‘requires’ as it’s just a damn good explanation and it makes me look fabulous. It’s from Anthony -

"CHAMPAGNE"

Why "champagne", you ask?

Because:
1) Its always bubbly -- and your personality is just that.
2) Its sweet -- and there are plenty of people who'll say that's what you
are.
3) Its something most people save for special occasions -- and you are
definitely someone who's pretty special.
4) Champagne (i.e. alcohol) always puts a smile on my face... and last, but
not least:
5) I can't get enough of it.

Well if you insist….


Thanks doll I needed that, things are still rough going on this end. Tomorrow you'll all get a special treat tho - stories I wrote when I was a little kid. I've always wanted to be a novelist/writer, even when I was 6 years old. I'll share my works of art tomorrow, tonight they are making an appearance at 'din with the in-laws', so be jealous.

a.k.a anx(iety)

Well Milo’s days are numbered.

April 26th he will be sliced and diced. Much sooner than I expected, I know. I’m alternating between relief that I’ll be starting the road to cancer-free living so soon and freaking out that everything is happening so soon!!!! I have so much to do!

I had a wee bit of a panic attack last night. The first I’ve had in years. You see I’m supposed to see and endocrinologist to work out radiation and hormone replacement and all that jazz. When I first went to the hospital my surgeon said they would schedule that and get back to me. They did so, all was fine. Then the endo’s office called me directly to reschedule – for the day of my surgery. Okay. Yesterday I tried calling some people to work this out. Here are the highlights:

• Called my surgeon’s office, was told they don’t deal directly with the hospital's patients and I’d have to call there.
• Called The hospital. 20 min on hold, someone picks up. I was running through my spiel when I was cut off and asked ‘what exactly I wanted her to do’. Must….control…. fist...of death… She then told me I had to speak to my surgeon’s office. I explained I did and they were supposed to book me with an endo…..yada yada yada and I’m transferred somewhere else.
• Tell my story to new girl and am transferred AGAIN.
• Get voice mail, at which point I am nearly in tears. The message says I have to leave my hospital card number, which I don’t have on me. I hang up.
• I call back, card in hand, and repeat the maze of transferred calls until I can leave a voice mail.
• Am called back and told that there are absolutely no endos available before April 26th. I try to ask if that’s normal, where can I find out – ‘woah excuse me but I can’t answer those questions, you'll have to contact this other office (which previously told me they couldn't help me).....’ Gee thanks.
• I get home and check out my newest thyroid cancer book (current cancer merchandise total = $304.79, yes I have a problem), in which there is a chapter about the different doctors who will be looking after me and their roles in my care. This makes me feel completely abandoned by my doctors/hospital and I go a little crazy.

There were tears, high pitched squealing, hyperventilating – the works. I didn’t have any paper bags but luckily there was a padded envelope that one of my ever-increasing ebay purchases arrived in. Jeremy was a little concerned. He said he was pretty close to getting all the numbers and calling for me because I was ‘a wreck’. So sweet. I’m better today tho. If I have to schedule myself and find out everything on my own, fine. I expected things to be a little different with having cancer and a surgery that will permanently alter my life, but hey, maybe that’s just me. If I’d have known that the first time I met someone to talk about the cancer it would be the last before surgery, I would have asked a helluva lot more questions.

I appreciate all the support non-medical people have given me (that’s you all) and one medical person (Foxglove) who emailed me last night and asked if there was any questions she could answer as a nurse, or find out from people at her hospital. You are a wonderful person.

The positive side to my little experience is that I realize how awesome of a receptionist I am compared to the harridans and vapid cows that I had to speak to yesterday.

I seriously rock, paper bags and all.

Ah the power of positive thinking. It's all about perspective.....

Mind you I haven't achieved this but it's nice to have goals....

must be spring

This weekend saw the birth of three new crushes. Yes I know, if I kept track of my list it would rival a Naval Fleet. First up, Steven Strait who I saw in Sky High as Warren Peace. When he first came on as the brooding loner outcast with a superhero mother and supervillain father I was smitten. Jeremy took great delight in telling me he is probably 14 and I should be arrested. I thought he looked at least 16 so I was fine. Turns out he’s 20 (last week), so I’m safe. Hey he would be perfect for my little sister. Then I could have a little eye candy at family gatherings. Wow I’m creeping myself out. Well it’s not just my opinion, one interviewer said: ”Guys, it doesn't matter how heterosexual you are. After a thirty-minute interview with Steven Strait, you'd have a man-crush, too. And ladies, forget it. Game over”.

My next crushes are from the same show – Space: Above and Beyond. Lt. Shane Vansen and Lt. Cooper Hawkes. A.K.A Kristen Cloke and Rodney Rowley. Mmmm mmm good. They are both totally badass and yet vulnerable. Plus they are meant to be together and in my head they end up happily ever after. For more on science fiction soulmates, including Vansen and Hawkes, go here.

Ah, l’amour.

Must be the weather.

Hee.

clara in a word:

Beautiful
Blossoming
Champagne
Cheeky (as in monkey)
Clara
Colourful
Creative
Delightful
Delightful
Eccentricity
Eccentrilicious
Exuberant
Exuberant
Flirtyfun
Happy
Hotchocolate
Hysterical (as in funny)
Insouciant
Joyful
Loved
Luscious
Potatolover
Relaxed
Resilient
Stubborn
Stubborn

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Surprising
Sweet
Top Spunky Sheila (Hot)
Unforgettable
Unique
Vivacious
Witty

Thanks to all who participated, I really really appreciate it. It’s quite the warm fuzzy and does wonders for the ego. If any of you would like the favour returned, to post or keep private, let me know…. I’m a freaking thesaurus. I noticed a few of you combined words or created new ones. Well done. I wonder what that says about me….

Jeremy’s first choice was annoying. Can you believe that? Mind you I did barge into the room after he’d gone to bed and stand over him, pen in hand, demanding he describe me in one word. I suppose I wasn’t all that shocked when he narrowed his eyes and said ‘annoying’ before turning over and giving a muffled shout that I turn out the light. Anyway he settled on stubborn. If you’ll notice there are two stubborns in there…his mother also said it. Eerie…

pigeon-riffic

Last weekend Jeremy and I went on an outing that led us to something neither of us has ever seen before! Some of you may not be that impressed but Jeremy has lived nearly 25 years in this city (actually in Toronto, none of this GTA business) and has NEVER seen – pigeons in the subway. We rarely go to Bathurst Station (where I took these pics) so we really don’t know if this is a common occurrence there. Can you believe it didn’t have my camera on me? Thanks goodness for camera phones.

We were a bit concerned when we heard the subway arriving. Pigeons are notoriously easy to startle and the last thing I wanted to see was a pigeon splat, let alone get any one me. Yucky. Surprisingly they barely reacted. This leads me to believe that it may not be as wacky as we thought, at least for that particular station. One flew across to the other platform and after the train pulled away we didn’t see it anywhere. So we’re pretty sure it got on the subway. I wonder where it was going?




ALSO:

My ‘one word’ post will be up tomorrow. I thought I’d give you all another chance to categorize me in some way. Send your word to describe me to clarablogatgmaildotcom, if you like. In case you need inspiration, here are several pictures of me, being adorable.



Y’know when I first got my camera I didn’t think I’d be taking so many pictures of myself.

Not that I’m surprised or anything.

something for everyone

I really must get one of these. This is not exclusively for the single and/or lonely person. It’s also for people who, when getting into bed, are hissed at if they so much as touch the other person in any way not resembling a backrub or headscratch. Or are grunted at if they inch over onto the side of the bed that isn’t ‘theirs’ regardless of the fact that the sheets, blanket, mattress and apartment belong to me.

uh....I mean, that person.

Heh.

I wonder if I can get this on ebay?

v for veneration

I watched V for Vendetta this weekend. Oh. My. I understand that it didn’t get the best reviews but I attribute that to people who had knowledge of the graphic novel beforehand and different expectations than I. I loved it.

I have a newfound and overwhelming love for V. Until the credits came up I had no idea that it was Hugo Weaving’s voice behind that Guy Fawkes mask I grew to love. I also thought that I was watching Keira Knightly the whole movie and then when the credits came up I was like ‘Natalie Portman was in this? Who was….oh’. That was my exact thought process. Anyway this movie has moved Hugo into the ranks of wonderful voices that give us shivers. Already in the club we find Alan Rickman, George Takei and Tim Curry.





Welcome Hugo Weaving!!!! We heart you. And those spine tingling vocal cords.



I took an idea from Binsk and sent an email out asking people to describe me in one word. I’ve gotten some great responses and I wanted to extend the invite to my blog buddies (I don’t have all of your emails). So send the word to clarablogatgmaildotcom if you wish, then I’ll have your email for next time I want to be an egomaniac. I’ll post my results in a day or two.


Oh and because Jeremy scoffed at me when I was confused with the whole Keira/Natalie thing I must point out, they DO look alike….doncha think?

okay here’s the break down:

· I have papillary carcinoma (the best kind)
· They will be taking out the WHOLE thyroid (meds for life)
· Surgery will most likely be in May
· Radiation 4-6 weeks after that (I’ll be in isolation)
· My voice MAY change after the surgery but it can be corrected

It’s getting a little more real but still not scary. I’m mostly worried about work. You know, this will take up more than the vacation/sick time I have allotted and I don’t know how that will work or not work out for me. Heh.

Anyway I like the doctor who’ll be snipping out my thyroid. My mum made him hold out his hands to see how steady they were. So cute. Jeremy didn’t say much but he did manage to choke back his laughter when the doctor said I’d have to stay away from heavy exercise for a while. Thanks sweetie. The doc was very laid back and the only raised eyebrow I got out of him was when I asked about the scar I’d have. He reassured me that these days it was hardly noticeable. My crestfallen look threw him a little and when I hastily explained how I would like a scar and my disappointment when my appendix removal yielded minimal scar design. He said he’d never encountered that before (I’m special) but maybe he could add some flourishes when closing me up. What a nice man!

I have my very own St. Mike’s card now. It’s green. Niagara Falls general hospital is blue, in case you’re wondering. While I was off gallivanting in the ENT clinic my order from Thyca came in. perfect timing. Now I am stylishly aware of thyroid cancer and all that. Those rubber bracelets were so trendy I shied away from them before. But now I have the perfect excuse. Cancer. And so do you if you’d like to get them. Order them from thyca tho, half of what you spend goes to research and medical things that I’m sure are very important and affect me directly. Well, affect Milo really directly.

see you on thursday

Tomorrow is my first day as an official ‘cancer patient’.

I’m excited.

For some reason.

If any ebay packages come in while I'm gone I'll be pissed. Or all my fabulous thyroid cancer pins and bracelets I ordered. It's easier to not have a cigarette when you can look down at your wrist and see a potent reminder of why you quit. For now I just wrote 'cancer' on the back of my hand with a permanent marker.

Really I did.

poor thing

I should have taken a picture to go along with this post but that is a little too mean, even for me. Okay I just forgot but the other way makes me seem, y’know, more better.

Jeremy has a cold. After his night out on Friday he woke up near death’s door, apparently. My weekend consisted of vapo-rubbing him making pitying noises. When Jeremy’s sick he turns 6. Let me illustrate. I come into the room and hear these pitiful mewling sounds coming from under the covers. I go over and ask what’s wrong.

‘I sick.’ Cough, cough.
“Can I get you anything?’
‘No no I’ll be fine.’
‘Okay then.’ I get up to leave.
‘OoOOoOooooh.’ Cough cough.
Sigh. ‘Let me get you something to make you feel better.’
‘No no, don’t worry about me’. Shiver.
'Jeremy if you don’t tell me something I can do to make you feel better I will kill you.’
‘Pity me.’

No pity ME!

I really really experience a moment of horror when I realize Jeremy has a cold. If it’s more serious, like a flu, than I love it. He actually is helpless, needs me and is easy to handle. When it’s a cold all he wants is to be pitied and I have to suffer through bouts of energy which result in tickling and covers stealing that I cannot retaliate against because the moment I try he curls into the fetal position and starts coughing.

Sigh. But I still love you baby.

*weekend update*

Yes puppies you get a special weekend edition of the victory dance. On Friday we (Connie, Dave, Elo, and Maria) met at the Flatiron to celebrate Milo’s discovery and imminent end. I must give thanks to the Flatiron staff that had to deal with us all night (mostly Maria) because we were a handful. Like more than usual. The poor couple sitting next to us got dragged into the drama and by the time they left they were hugging me goodbye and wishing me luck. I really hope we didn’t ruin your dinner, sorry, but thanks for being so supportive strange couple. After a bit James stopped by. This was his first time meeting all of us and I hope we didn’t give him the wrong impression, as by the end of the night our section of the bar resembled girls gone wild. I haven’t kissed a girl for free drinks since university but hey Maria can be very persuasive. And she’s a great kisser.

Maria and I stayed a bit longer for one more beer (ahem) and ended up having some more shots bought for us. Bad idea. I miraculously didn’t miss my stop and as I stumbled out of Wellesley station some guy came up behind me and said ‘Hey Drunkie!’

It was Jeremy. Having just come back from his own night of debauchery (3 beers…..what a wild man) he decided to wait for me there. What a sweetie.

Don’t forget to check out Maria and James’ posts about our little gathering. It was a total Clara Lovefest and I really appreciated it guys, thanks.



Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Gran!

Your Majesty.....

.....we are amused....

Did I get the right Queen for that?

the hammer

Thanks everyone for all the well wishing and support about the ol’ cancer. Jer says I’m turning this into a PR event. I’ve called a billion people, emailed the world and hit up every blog on my blogroll so they would be more likely to wander over and ‘happen upon’ my bad kitty post. I’ve even ordered a bunch of pins and those trendy rubber bracelets that seem so popular with the cancers these days (ThyCa has the best ones – teal! Oooh!). Trust me to turn this into a shopping adventure. So I tried but I just can’t stay mad at Milo; he’s probably more upset about this whole mess than I am. I am starting to get a little paranoid tho; I’ll get a pain in my neck and am convinced it’s the cancer encroaching. I also think I can feel the egg drop whenever I get my period. I'm either totally wacked or uncannily in touch with my body. Shrug. Ain't I a marvel?


Now I do have something really important to share with you all – the joys of Sledge Hammer. I loved this show as a kid. Love love love. It’s what made me want my own gun, a cute revolver with a mother of pearl handle bearing the likeness of daisies. At the time I didn’t equate guns with death. Mostly antics. Anyway I went over to refried beats (if you haven’t already – go there!) and, as usual, was thrilled with their selection. There it was, glistening with promise – the first season of Sledge Hammer. I’m in heaven. Jeremy is quite taken with it as well.

You can even make your own Sledge Hammer caption here! Really Officer Hammer? You do? Wow I must be amazing!!

bad kitty

You all first met Milo last year and followed along in his further adventures . Well we finally know what he is.

He is a bad bad kitty.

He’s cancer.

Ye heard me. He’s a naughty carcinogenic nodule and will not be tolerated!! That being said I’m using him to by best advantage while I’ve got him. I no longer have to feel guilt when passing my all the outstretched homeless hands on Yonge St. now a simple ‘you think you got it bad….’ Resolves the whole situation quickly and painlessly. For me. Hah. I was tempted to use it a minute ago, when a creepy guy was hitting on me. If he had asked ‘what’s new’ I would have said ‘well I’m cancerous now’. And that would be that. Sigh, well maybe next time. As I said before I’m using him to my advantage while he’s here. I’ve already gotten a box of godiva’s and Maria, Elo and Connie are buying me drinks on Friday. Like they’re gonna make somebody with cancer buy their own drinks. Hey if I play this right the other patrons will be buying all three of us drinks. I’ll try ladies. Anyhoo I know that after treatment's all said and done (thyroid cancer surgery is 97% curative) I’ll have a lifetime of hearing Jeremy say ‘ you survived cancer, you’ll survive this’, whenever I whine about ANYTHING EVER. So I’m getting my kicks in now.

I’m looking forward to a cool scar. Hard as some of you may find it to believe, I have wanted a cool scar since I was 11 and I saw Kuffs with Christian Slater. Did you know he hates that movie so much he’s bought copies just to smash them? Really. Anyway in the movie he gets a bullet wound and shows the healed scar. I fell in love at that moment. With the scar, not him. Now I get a neck one. Although I’m going to try and convince the doctors to make an incision that's my first name in cursive writing. How wild would that be? I doubt they’ll go for it. They’ll be all ‘standard procedure dictates...’ and ‘are you high?!?’ or ‘seriously, what’s wrong with you?’. Been there done that.

As you can see I’m taking a positive, droll approach to this new development. I hope I don’t offend anyone but really, it’s my cancer and I’d rather have laughter in my life then anxiety. So poo. If you do want more info about thyroid cancer, check out the endocrine web and ThyCa.org, the thyroid cancer survivors association.

So there it is, all the news that’s fit to surgically remove.

the first step is admitting you have a problem....

I really do live in a Dilbert comic. The receptionist in this strip really has a special place in my heart. She says and dos all the things I wish I could. In this case tho we’re practically one person.

I cannot begin to explain the rage I have felt when someone absconds with office supplies, or doesn’t ask for someone quickly enough when phoning in. This comic totally made me laugh at myself. It’s so skewed; isn't it amazing how perspective changes over time? You don't even notice it happening.




My name is Clara and I have inappropriately directed rage.

God help the poor bastard who touches my stapler.

eh? what's all this then?

This weekend I went to the British Isles show. What fun! Some fam came up to meet me and revel in our britishness. Jer came to scoff at the English and buy many t-shirts proclaiming how glad he was to be Scottish. At least two. I wanted a pretty Celtic necklace but couldn’t find one that was perfect. Rather than settle for less I scrapped that idea, tho I really had my heart set on a new necklace. To soothe my disappointment I bought pounds of British candy.

My teeth literally ache today.

Worth it tho. I got treacle toffee, Turkish delight, creamy nougat and fudge. Oh and some crisps of unusual flavour. Cheese and onion and prawn cocktail to be exact.

For lunch I actually passed on the fish n chips (wanted to try something new) and settled on Cock A Leekie Soup. My heart sank a little when I saw them spooning it into the bowl but I was soon pleasantly surprised. It was delish. It reminded me of the "stuff" that Urgl feeds Atreyu in the neverending story. You know right before he goes to see the southern oracle? No? You mean your little sister didn’t make you watch that movie four kajillion times until it was etched in your brain? Really? We had to hide it from her. Surprisingly I still like that movie. I heart Atreyu. Whenever I play a Zelda game I enter my name as Atreyu. I think this would be a great name for a son of mine. Or daughter for that matter. Anyway that wasn’t the only movie she did that with, E.T – which I can’t watch anymore because I’m thoroughly sick of it, and IT – which Jeremy won’t even allow to occupy the same building as him but I still like, were both watched with a regularity that would make a bran muffin proud.

What was I talking about? Right, the Brit show. There were dancers, pipers, drummers and an MC who I honestly thought was Tom Jones for a few minutes. No haggis tho. And really, that was the whole reason I went.

arbuckle

I started to get phone rage so I needed something to cheer me up.

I strolled on over to webjunkie and found a cure. Arbuckle comics are recreations of Garfield cartoons with all of Garfield’s dialogue taken out. One of best parts is that they link to the original strip as well. Here ya go, some of my favourites:


Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Pure genius.

Don't you think the 'after' pictures are infinately better? Absofrickinlutely. Ahhh.

You can send in your own and everything. I’m gonna have to submit something. I draw a mean cat. Well not mean, like cruel or anything. Good, fierce.

Tho sometimes they can be little bastards. My drawings. Rather the cats in my drawings.

Of course regular cats can be quite evil sometimes.

I love cats.

no bed of roses

You have to know you’re not going to like where a conversation is going if it starts out with ‘I had to throw out the underwear I was wearing today’.

You should have seen Jer’s face when I said that.

Now calm down, this isn’t going to be that bad, I certainly wouldn’t be telling all of creation if it were. The fact is I wore these faux silk panties from high school that really don’t fit me anymore (time for laundry, I know – I’m into the emergency underwear). The result was a baby butt rash that I don’t care to suffer again - so in the trash these undies went. See? Not that bad. It was hard throwing out a pair of underwear that hadn’t completely fallen apart to the point of being unwearable. You know - elastic’s shot, gaping holes. That sort of thing. Ah well, not worth the rosy cheeks if you now what I mean. Man I really have a greater appreciation for all the crying babies do; that sort of discomfort had me as cranky as the most colicky of infants. Sheesh. I do like having the opportunity to stick out my lip and pout ‘I hurt my bottom’. You don’t often have that luxury but I figure hey, if I suffer the same way I can act the same way.

At least for a while.