ignore this

none shall deny my coolness

Hey can you guys check out this grinchala post of mine. I quite like the pictures I took and tickled and I want some honest opinions. By honest opinions I mean lavish praise. Hell I’ll take criticism if it's lavish enough. The key here is lavish. Lavish means delicious right? Oh wait that's esoteric. 'Lois! Who's the Boss is not a food!' Ha ah ha.

Tonight Maria and I are heading to the Flatiron to say goodbye to one of our favorite bartenders, Mike. Sure I don't go as much anymore but it'll still be the end of an era. Maybe I’ll get dinner there. Fish ‘n’ chips. Damn that sounds good. Or a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy. And some beer of course. And NTN. And…no wait, that’s it.

Oooh…… I got a call from Fastball Sports Cards and my Project Quantum Leap patch is in. I may pick it up tonight. Now I just to find the perfect jacket to sew it on and I will be the coolest chick ever!! And if I ever meet Scott Bakula or Dean Stockwell they will think so too.

because i watched it again last night and it's all i can think about

Of course this time I’ll let her keep her own face. Strangely enough I didn’t dream about anything phantom related; of course it took several days of quantum leap for Mr. Bakula to find his way in there. I had a dream where I was going somewhere with Maria and I ran into Jeremy on a subway car that was a bridal dress shop and he told me to run along because he was getting a surprise ready for me so I ditched Maria and someone else who was with us and ran home to sit and wait for Jeremy a good girl. I remember being very excited until I woke up alone. Damn you Starbucks for opening so early. Truthfully tho I really do like the extra 2+ hrs where I have the bed to myself in the morning…

hey wow I ended up writing a post after all!

a weekend in the islands and my newfound love for gerard butler

I had a great weekend. We had a surprise Pirates of the Caribbean bday bash for my sister. The party wasn’t a surprise, but the Caribbean part was. Guests had a choice of being an island girl or pirate. I thought for sure I’d go pirate but my sis bought me a fern bra and my fate was decided. I made a smashing island native. I kept making comment about the sailors coming to our island and giving us all gonorrhea. I had to make sure people knew the risks if they choose to be an islander. It was only fair. Considering it was all relatives I was warning, the jokes went over fairly well. nigh.ca has a full gallery of this weekend for those lucky enough to have access

I got to meet Edgrr, the new dog on the farm. He is adorable. He’s a Corgi-Shepherd mix and he loooves to be around people. he followed me up to bed one night and crammed himself between me and Jer for the night. Cutest dog ever.

Highlights of the weekend include my dad’s peach pancakes for breakfast, chocolate fountain of fondue, any time with the niece and nephew and Phantom of the Opera.

Now I didn’t actually watch Phantom while home for the weekend but Jeremy did. Twice. Then we stopped by HMV and picked it up on the way home from the bus terminal. Then we watched it at my apartment. Oh. My. After watching it (sobbing and gasping and being moved beyond beyond) I stayed up and watched certain scenes over and over for nearly two hours. Especially the Point of No Return scene. Shivers baby, shivers. I got so much more out of the story than I did from watching it onstage. If you haven’t seen it go do so. If you didn’t like it don’t tell me because I may call you horrible, horrible names. Which you will deserve. Gerard Butler = sexiest phantom ever. After the Music of the Night scene I kind of let out my breath on a puff and said ‘wow he is totally hot’. Jeremy agreed. I wanted this Phantom to take me away to his lair. Oh baby.

me and my phantom

I love you Gerard Butler. You’re now on my list. The good list. If you like Gerard (and you should or the horrible names may be reiterated) you should also go to gerardbutler.net. While googling the hell out of him this morning I discovered kiltmen.com, where they eschew the tyranny of trousers. So if you like men in kilts or are a man you doesn’t like wearing pants, you should check it out. I am all over the celeb photo gallery. What is it about Scotsmen. Or regular men dressed up like Scotsmen, as long as they keep their mouth shut. That could work too. Sigh.

down on the farm

Sorry poodles I'm off and running today....

Be strong, I'll be back Monday.

Hey I'd let you smell my hair and feel safe and secure if I could but I can't!!!
Just stroke the photo....
FYI - this pic was taken with my new phone (not too shabby - 1.3 megapixels.

also you can see my Cardassian blood showing check out those killer neck ridges).

hnt - sheer madness

These are both me. if you’re wondering why the black dress pic is in there look closer. No underwear + camera flash = peekabo bum. The black bra and Nigh’s shirt I did not wear out like that, tho I did in high school. Well I had no boobs then so it wasn’t trampy. It was more artistic.

p.s. that's my annoyed yet patronizing face I so often have to use with jeremy.
p.p.s - HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM!!

guidelines for HNT

nut buster

Ever wondered what you’d be called if you were a prison bitch? Well wonder no more.

I’m Nut Buster.

Heh.

Makes me think of a giant badass squirrel. I know that’s not how they meant it but for once my mind is out of the gutter. Squirrels ARE creepy you know. I’ve always had a thing about them. I was attacked while in Florida’s Bok Tower Gardens. No seriously. Sure I scoffed when the pamphlet said to ‘beware the squirrels’. Sure I thought it was cute when they started following us through the hedge maze. Sure I was amazed when they came and sat right next to me on the bench….but then…..

I can’t go on.

Let’s just say that day opened my eyes. And wounds that may never really heal. Sniff.

pic from daveallsop.co.uk

The above account is an entirely true story. You can even ask me mum.

scourge of mice

Last night we (and be we I mean I forced Jeremy to) stuffed up all the little holes under the sink with steel wool and laid out some glue traps. Now when I first heard of these I thought they were like sticky paper. No. It’s a basin of goopy glue. Anyway after being paranoid and muting the TV every 2 minutes because we thought we heard a mouse screaming in agony, we kind of forgot about it and got din. Well I had forgotten about it. One of the glue traps Jeremy just set on the counter and said he had plans for, but wouldn’t divulge anything further. Whatever. We got a pizza, it was delicious (I love you Pizzaville). Afterwards Jer took the pizza box and put it on the stove (crusts still inside. Then he taped shut one of the holes at the back and widened the other one. THEN the glue pit was placed below the only entrance to the tempting pizza crusts. And off he went to bed. I think it was just about 5 minutes later that I came crashing into the room announcing that we had a winner. Or loser I guess.



Man. I was not prepared for the cruelty of the glue trap. Its little face was stuck and it started squeaking pretty loudly. I was horrified. I was however very proud of Jeremy for handling the situation, you know he can be very manly if the situation warrants.

In conclusion we are hoping that the steel wool will work and that little sucker just happened to be in the apartment. We put another glue sinkhole by the pizza box after that and there was nothing this morning. Fingers crossed everyone.

(thanks binsk for the magazine cover link!)

wandering refugees

On Sunday morning Jeremy and I awoke to no power and no water. We’d woken in the night and discovered that the power was out but I thought for sure it’s be on by the morning. No such luck. By 9am it was unbearably hot in my apartment and almost as unbearably boring. So we headed out into the city seeking sustenance and relief. We wandered about for hours; going to Canadian tire, Gabby’s for the big breakfast, a movie (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – so good), and revisiting childhood haunts (of Jeremy’s). Eventually we headed to his parent’s to rest our feet and relax. Jeremy went all MacGyver and rigged up a makeshift frankincense burner (below). I was so proud. I did take some pics along my journey, mostly of the patio where I sit and smoke at the in-laws but hey, I was tired.








Check out the rest of the pics at grinchala.blogspot.com. Seriously do it, they’re cool. I did things like super saturated colour and ultra contrast. Wicked.

clareducation

I wonder what my academic record looks like. Imagine a school record combined with secret gov’t files. Do you ever wonder that, if such a thing does exist, what would be in your file? A kind of emotionless breakdown of your life to date.

January 29th, 1981: girlchild born – fluff of white hair, very pink. Seems troublesome yet insecure.

The Public School Years

5 yrs old: kindergarten – seems to like school. Loves books and pizza day.

Grade 1: can’t see the blackboard, needs glasses.

Grade 2: has decided she wants to be a writer. Is slightly awkward.

Grades 3-7: has learned to be wary of the other children. Involved in clique disputes with other girls and subject of ridicule from boys. Possible nervous stomach condition. Tries her first cigarette in grade 5 and Amaretto in Grade 6. Possible badass.

Grade 8: dyes hair red, gets contacts, boy asks her out. They never kiss. Not a badass, just wants to be cool.

High School

Grade 9: obviously terrified. Takes first offer of relationship. He seems slow.

Grade 10: starts experimenting with wild hair colours and thrift store clothing. Discovers pot. Is in school musical.

Grade 11: new boyfriend, may be stalker. Again with the musical.

Grade 12: new boyfriend (relationship whore?). Gets more involved in school. Likes to party. Loves taco Tuesdays.

OAC: bored with school by now. Takes many spares.

University

1st year: hides in room for first semester. Breaks up with high school boyfriend meets new boy. Slight overlap. Rediscovers pot. Discovers spumante bambino. Also attends classes.

2nd year: gets house of campus, odd French landlord who sleeps on her couch. Second semester she moves in with girlfriends. Goes on paxil. Attends classes less frequently, tries part-time job at retirement home. Lasts 6 weeks.

3rd year: lives downtown (Guelph) with girlfriends. Partying tapering off, as are classes. Mostly watches days of our lives. Withdraws from school after first semester.

Whereabouts unknown.

---end file---

Ah well poodles, I may just reopen that file someday. But it will have nothing to do with the school experience. I’d want big classrooms where I’m just a number and no one will call on me and correspondence courses I can take online. I’d honestly just get my degree just so I don’t have to hear one more freakin person tell me I should. So far I haven’t missed out on anything because I didn’t finish. And with the bursaries and scholarships and not finishing that last year of school – my student loans will be paid off by the end of the year. Boo ya.


p.s. Ian for Pope!

Half-Nekkid Thursday (it's about time)

Well I’ve wanted to do it forever but now I’ve finally gotten around to it – I’m joining Half-Nekkid Thursday. I first learned about HNT from Aughra but have since found that it’s sweeping the nation, or nations, as it were. I keep seeing it everywhere and well why not join the party? Especially a half-nekkid one.

If you want to get down with the rest of us, check out the guidelines here.

Today’s pic is Jeremy with his shirt open. It’s an older pic I’ve been waiting for an excuse to post. If you’re wondering why he looks so sad, it’s because we were watching a special on these two older dogs that were going to be put down but then this woman adopted them both and it was wonderful and heartrending. You’ve probably seen it. Anyway Jeremy was very distraught by their plight. He’s delicate you know. why just last night he went to Canada’s Wonderland and was still shaking when he got home. He is NOT one for scary rides. His buddy Kevin actually called me before they left the park to tell me what a ‘wuss’ my boyfriend was. Poor thing, we say delicate here.

If you’re (understandably) upset that my first HNT does not feature myself, you obviously need to check out my previous post and say hello to the girls.

titronto

Hi puppies. Sorry I’ve been away but my computer died. It’s been given life extending surgery but will be put down in a month or so anyway so who cares. Anyway you’ve missed little but I’ll fill you in.

Sunday din was more of an event than usual, for Denise brought home a band. Yep. They were such a hoot at the studio that she decided to spread the joy. It was more of a performance than a conversation tho, but one I was happy to watch. A cruder, more clever bunch you won’t find. And they sing too!! Check out the crawling kingsnakes. Don’t miss the photos either, whoever took those must be a GENIUS! To get in with the festive spirit I wore one of my new camisole tops. Jeremy called me a trollop and brought a shawl to cover me up with. This is the man who never thinks anything is too low or revealing and should I get whistled at or hit on he preens like he had something to do with it. There was some talk it may have had to do with the fact that many young and attractive boys would be at din but he needn’t have worried, no one paid any attention to Betty and Veronica. Poor dears. Well I did. They can be very distracting.


Anyway it was definitely fun and suffice to say Balderdash will never be the same. Crude and Clever remember? I think I heard sperm, scrotum and rectum more in that night than I have in my entire life. And that’s saying a lot.



Ooh I also have to introduce you all to some new additions to my toy collection – Canary Yellow & Spark and French Kitty. I love them. Although if French Kitty is looking directly at me I find it unnerving. She’s darling but a bit eerie.

p.s. i do love jesus

Okay I had no idea what I was going to write about today but I took a stroll on over to Blamblog and couldn’t help but get inspired by his post.

Helping Boys Become Men, and Girls Become Women - outlines how to make sure your kid grows up straight.

Yikes.

Before I comment further I would like to say that I hope I have a gay son, as I will always be the only woman in his life and I won’t have to endure him bringing trampy girls home.

Moving on….

Here are just a few pearls of wisdom you can find:

Signs of gender confusion in boys - A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.

Wow! I remember when we were younger my sister went through a phase where she refused to wear skirts or dresses for any reason. Little did we know this was a warning sign of lesbianism. Well too bad this article wasn't around back then. My parent's had no idea that professional help was needed if your child showed such aberrant tendencies. Boys not interested in sports?!? What’s next?!? Dogs and cats living together??!!??

Don’t leave your children of either sex in the care of teenage boys. Furthermore, don’t allow your teenage boy to baby-sit.

Does this mean that all teenage boys are predators? Or that they just can’t help themselves? Well that’s what happens when women start wearing trousers. It’s like having a sign around your neck that says : “I have a vagina!! It’s between the legs you see so clearly defined! Ha ha you cannot escape my powerful vagina!”

Dr. James Dobson reports: “There is also the vigorous effort by gays to infiltrate the Boy Scouts in the same way lesbians have done so successfully in the Girl Scouts, where 33 percent of their staff is said to be lesbian.”

The truth comes out!! Who can resists those neckerchiefs and knee-high socks? Apparently not gay men. Y’gads man! Do you realize what this means? Well… Nothing. Except that the use of the word infiltrate instead of join/enter can make normal actions seem sinister. ‘I need to stop by the bank after work’, ‘ I need to infiltrate the bank after work’. Hm.

Now they do look at it from a scientific point of view and say that ‘One hundred years of research literature was swept away overnight’ when the American Psychiatric Association declared that homosexuality is not a mental disorder. Well you know that sort of thing has happened in the past. The earth being round, revolving around the sun and all that business, did get people in quite a snit. Hey if you’re still miffed about that just google “flat earth”. You’ll find a number of wonderful societies to join. You never have to listen to new ideas ever again!! Just make up your mind and stick to it, no matter what new evidence pops up. Hey it works in politics. You don’t want to be called a flip-flop do you? Oh so now leeches don't cure everything?



Ah I digress…..

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you’ll know I RARELY if ever, make political, religious or controversial posts. Mostly because I don’t like criticism and want everyone to like me. But this topic just kind of got away from me and as a result I think I’ve filled my sarcasm quota for the rest of the year. I’ll have to start posting nude pictures just to keep everyone’s attention. Oh not of me, I said I wanted to keep your attention.

a break in the case

Last night I saw this van with two guys in it pull up to the curb. They put they’re four way lights on and got out. Without looking at one another or speaking, one guy took a box into the store and the other propped open the hood as if something was wrong. But he never looked at the engine. The other guy came out (sans box) and they wordlessly got back into the van, closing the hood. The whole thing lasted like 30 seconds, maybe a little longer.

Now I’ve seen tons of people pull over on Younge St for several minutes to do personal business and none have ever bothered with the ruse of ‘engine trouble’. My naturally curious mind led me to wonder at the scenario I had just witnessed. Jeremy thought robbery but they left empty handed so no. Maybe it was a drug drop off or some other illegal substances. Maybe they were just paranoid about getting a ticket. I dunno. They were definitely shifty tho. Constantly scanning the area, no contact between the two men as they conducted their ‘business’, the smoothness of thier (planned) actions – it just seemed weird.

So naturally I took their picture. without the flash, as with it you’d just see my screen. Of course after that I turned the flash on and took a pic then ducked. Y’know just to freak them out. They didn’t notice or react tho. The pic I did get just looks like some guy worried about his car but not to me. Pure fishiness. Or pure paranoia and there are actually people more concerned with getting in trouble for breaking the rules than me. Yikes. Well either way I put it here for your benefit. Feel free to come up with crackpot theories and the like.

You can't really see much as it's far away, but you can see the van (well truck i realize now). If I suddenly go missing look for this van, they’re probably trying to silence me!


oh and....

CAS update

My cloud pictures are in the gallery!!

Go to the cloud appreciation society’s gallery and search clara. My two pics will come up (you can leave comments - hint, hint). They’re not super impressive, I just wanted to contribute something. The second one was supposed to be in the ‘looks like things’ category but I guess they didn’t agree. Ah well, they are the experts. Now I have to get some really great ones. Maybe when I go to my parents in a couple weeks; downtown I don’t see a lot of sky.

Ah, society life.

for my girlfriends

Just got back from lunch. Hayley (from university, not pseudo sister in-law) came by work and took me out. It was just what I needed. That’s the sort of thing I envisioned before moving to Toronto. Lunch with a pal, drinks after work, reading in a café and all that. Anyway I’ve been emotionally….well, volatile I guess you could say, for a bit now (see five posts down) and there really is no medicine better than getting together with an old friend. Jeremy I love you to death but there is no substitute for a girlfriend. Especially one who’s seen you at your absolute worst - drunk and passed out in strange places, high as a kite thinking you’ve just figured out the meaning of life, skanked up beyond bad taste – and still loves you. Maybe it’s because she was some of those things with you, tried to talk you out of some of those things or some of those things were her idea; in all likelihood it’s for some unfathomable reason that you’ll never know, but will always be there.

Wow I can sure go poetic can’t I?

bakulicious & stockwellucious

Ok. I’m just getting over a cold and so all weekend I was sick and lying around. So naturally I watched Quantum Leap for hours upon hours. The more I watch the more I love Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell. So to spread the joy and wonder I am sharing some links with you.

You must go here and listen to the dulcet tones of Scott Bakula. Seriously, he’s really good.I want the Quantum Leap Album.

Did you know Scott posed in playgirl? Well some of those pics can be found in this awesome gallery and here at shirtless male celebrities.



Ok on to Dean. You can’t be interested in Dean Stockwell and not have stopped by the Stockwell Appreciation Society to visit the Sassies.

Ah what a wonderful pair of men. I can’t wait till tonight when I get to spend more time with these fabulous boys. We’re running out of episodes tho, we need seasons four and five and we’ll have the complete set. Must. Have.

the cheek!

I got a call that asked me to stay on the line, this is an important business call in between sets of music. I figure heck why not. I stayed on for like 5 minutes, putting them on hold now and again to answer other calls. When the guy finally gets on the line, I get a call and asked him to hold for a moment. I took care of the other call in less them 10 seconds, and the guy hangs up in the meantime. WHAT NERVE! After listening to several minutes of entreaties to stay on the line because it’s soooo important the guy can’t wait ten seconds? I waited for him but I’m not worth a 10 second wait?!? You bastard.

oh dante...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
(via 3rd daughter’s blogslut).

I thought for sure I’d get gluttony. I think I’m way to lazy to be lustful. Well maybe it’s just the humidity. I do enjoy a good naughty limerick.

Two lovely disciples of Venus
Sought a partner-in-crime with a penis;
Though I started to pant,
They said, "Surely we can't
Let a small thing like THAT come between us!"

(via The Toast Point Limerick Contest!).

How deliciously crude....

menstruation

The most exciting/unusual thing that’s occurred since my last post has to do with my menstrual cycle so I wasn’t sure if I should write about it. But, go figure, whenever I try to think if something else to write about it keeps popping into my head. It was an extremely short cycle. I googled the details and found many sites about fertility drugs, hysterectomies and early menopause. So clearly I’m freaked. I’m not seriously worried but it’s prompted me to get my ass to doctor and get another pill prescription, something I’ve been meaning to do for awhile now. I’m committed, I found a place close to me (yonge & davisville) that I will go to on Saturday. I don’t even need an appointment and new patients are welcome. It says so right in their ad. Next to BIRTH CONTROL in big letters. Perfick.

feet

I think that I shall never meet
a poem as lovely as some feet.

feet whose little toes are curled
with careful grace and then unfurled

feet that carry a body all day
and move one in a particular way.

feet that may in summer sweat
but quickly dry away their wet

beneath those arches miles have passed
and winter chills been deeply cast.

feet are used by you and me
but only a fetishist adores those feet.


TA DAH!

bye bye bell

Hey I got a new phone on the weekend, I’m in love with it. So I’ve now broken with bell completely. Well in a month my contract with them will be up but I’ve turned the phone off so for all intents and purposes – we’re through. I did have to change my number tho, but I sent out a mass email to everyone in my contact list to let them know. the trouble is that I have no clue who’s in there anymore, so I may be getting some odd calls. If I missed you just email me.

So – I finally saw Wedding Crashers this weekend. Wow. Hilarious and pretty crude at times. Loved it. I also watched a crapload of Quantum Leap. Sigh. I forgot how much I love Scott Bakula. As for Caribana it was pretty tame in my neck of the woods. Sure it was loud and I had some issues getting to sleep but it was festive and friendly. Jeremy and I were remarking on this fact when we came upon some police tape. We continued along and saw that yonge & dundas square was completely taped off and there was a forensics unit there, as well as many cops. Yikes.

Anyway the weekend was good, din with in-laws was fabulous as usual, I read 4 books and when Jer came over on Monday he brought pizza with 3 dipping sauces. My dream life.


my new baby...