Thursday, November 30, 2006

ah, lus...i mean love?


As I’ve mentioned before( and before, and before) I happen to fall in love often. Mainly with fictional men. Well tho I do love all my Final Fantasy characters, the only one I’ve ever lusted after is Vincent Valentine. I met him many years ago, and have loved him ever since. Dark, brooding, tortured and betrayed – how could I resist?


Well I fear he may have a rival for my affections.


Perhaps it just goes to show you how much I’ve changed over the past few (several) years but I can’t help but have palpitations over Balthier, from the newest Final Fantasy. Sigh. He’s Vincent’s complete opposite. Well very different anyway. Arrogant, charming, mercenary and dare I say - foppish? I believe ‘Dashing sky pirate’ is his official description.

They are both gunners though and if you’ve asked me I would have sworn I was a sword girl. Ah well. I've aways gone for the supporting male, never the hero. Heroes can be so boring. Though if you asked Balthier he'd say he was the leading man (seriously I've heard him say it).

Bestill my heart.

And loins. Heh.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

gourmet food & drunks

So tired. I couldn’t even post yesterday I was so tired. Shows really take a lot out of you man, and I didn’t have to do anything to prepare. I just showed up. Anyway it was totally worth it. What a great show. I ate soo much. Notable favourites included: smoked salmon pizza, mango chicken, herbed butter chicken, buffalo risotto, tiger shrimp skewers, venison ribs and of course – the Kobe beef burger from Edo at Yonge and Eglinton. I’ve been thinking about that since last years show. As for the alcohol I liked the Apricot wheat beer but the best thing I had all weekend was a Niagara wine. Yes I know I’m biased but Niagara Wines are the best ever. My absolute favs. In this case it was the Family Reserve Cabernet Franc from Pilliterri. That’s the good stuff baby. We have this dark chocolate blended with a raspberry puree that was specially made for a winery, to be paired with a red. A square of Raspberry Rush and a glass of Piliterri’s Cabernet Franc and you are IN HEAVEN. I’m not kidding. Whenever we have our anniversary dinner (which was supposed to be in July and I have not forgotten about by the way Jeremy, putting it off only means it has to be grander) I want a bottle of that and a box of those chocs. Divine.

Anyway the booze added an element to this show that you don’t always run into – drunks. Fine upstanding career individuals get totally hammered at like 2 pm. It’s hilarious. We have a chocolate called Butterscotch Crunch and this one proved troublesome for those who’d imbibed a little too freely. Usually they gave up trying to say it and just pointed, but one guy did ask for a Butternut Squash. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. Jeremy had one elderly woman who came up to him and introduced herself, then did a pirouette and said ‘tra la la la la’. She ended up over by me; she wanted to know the story of how our shop came to be because she was a storyteller. In fact her family had been storytellers since the ‘beginning of time’. I was suitably impressed.

Because Jeremy and I were there, and so wonderfully capable, my mother was able to take off and have fun for the last couple hours. My dad was up too so they got to go wander off like a real date and junk! I did make them keep running food back to me though. I think she got into the Chardonnay near the end because she was giggling away with the boys from
OUT tv (they had interviewed her earlier, for the In & OUT I think). Later Nelson came up to me and introduced himself, then said he knows everything about me now – where I live, how I love elephants, etc. my goodness. Luckily he was very charming and like most straight women under the attentions of a handsome gay man, I preened and twittered and blushed. Like I said - charming.

Anyway it went well, we got to give away all the chocolate samples at the end of the show. Most of the vendors we gave them to reciprocated and we got a few bottles of wine and one very large helping of pork and buffalo risotto. Jeremy was so excited he said he might leave me for the risotto girl (who was coincidentally a very cute blonde). I raised an eyebrow, but forgave the comment because damn, that was some
mighty fine risotto.

Friday, November 24, 2006

eat me paypal

Argle. Before I start I should say that I think Paypal is a great idea and way to shop without flashing your personal info all over the internet. That being said their customer service can suck my ass. For the last few days I’ve been trying to update my credit card info (expiry) with Paypal, to no avail. It says it can’t verify the address, and I’m like – it’s the same address you already verified, I’m just putting in the new expiry date! I sent several emails, received a few inane responses (e.g. ‘try clicking ‘save’ when you’re done’). Are you kidding me? I even made empty threats like ‘I would hate to have to cancel my paypal account’; really what the hell else am I going to use on eBay and I don’t think I could give up eBay if I tried. Finally I figured it out for myself (although Jeremy insists it was his idea), deleting it completely and starting over. I’m still waiting on them to put a charge on my card so I can get some code and activate it…so the saga may yet continue but lets hope not.

Anyway after I’ve fixed the problem I get another email, which made my brain hurt. This could just be because I was an English major so I’ll lay it out for you.

I've reviewed your account and discovered the issue - the problem is that
your credit card company was unable to verify for us the billing address
listed to your credit card. So, when you added your card and we contacted
the credit card company to verify the address, they weren't able to.

How does this explain the problem? All you’ve said is that the problem (cause) was that the credit card company could not verify the address therefore (effect) they weren’t able to verify the address. You can't say the same thing two different ways in hopes that I will think that it's a valid explanation.

Do you have a manager that proofreads your emails? Because they should. I realize this could be my analness coming in to play but really, it doesn’t answer anything, just uses a lot of words to say ‘we don’t know what’s going on’.

The letter closed with:

....and I hope you've received the service you've come to expect from PayPal

Oh I have. Trust me. Sigh.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

for the last time, it's that time of year again

Okay we got the Open House out of the way now there’s just one last obstacle to lazy weekends full of video games, lounging and junk. The Gourmet Food & Wine Show looms over me, eating up my entire weekend. Remember it from last year? Seriously though it’s going to be brutal, but I’m looking forward to it. Not only is it a whole show about food, wine and sampling such things – it is our very last show EVER! End of an era really. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been doing these things. I used to go to the wedding shows, heritage days, mall kiosks, fairs, food festivals, taste of whatever - you name it. Setting up, tearing down, standing all day, smiling lamely at people ‘just looking’, dodging out of the way of the large group of women after free samples, looking frantically at the crowd of 40 people clamouring for their fondue when you’ve run out of chocolate and are waiting for your dad to get back with more.

Ahh, good times.

Hopefully we have a good weekend, but not so good that we can’t run out and get some food ourselves. I want to TASTE dammit!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

dadoo


Doesn’t this look like some medieval torture device? It is in fact a farm implement thinger my father rigged up for canning season or some such thing. What a great spooky shot, I know. It was completely accidental. I had a delayed shutter speed set on my computer from taking pictures of Jeremy and his computer and I totally forgot about it. Love the effect though.

Speaking of my father, I have a funny story. Now this is all hearsay, as I wasn’t actually there to witness the conversation. But my sister swears it is true and when my mother heard about it she didn’t seem all that surprised.

Some guy selling insurance called the house, my dad answered. Now every so often my dad is taken by strange whims. And by every so often I mean often. I think that’s where I get it.

Phone rings.

Hello?

Pause. Slowly a grin forms.

Oh I see! Yes tell me more!

Pause. More grinning.

Very good, very good. Now tell me, what if my wife dies under ‘suspicious circumstances'. This insurance will still pay out?

Longer pause.

Mmm hmm. And what if, say….they never find the body. Do I still get the money?

What I'm sure is a very awkward pause.

Okay, what if they only find a hand or something? How much would I get for that?

Ah, mine papa. I'll have to find out what the other half of that conversation sounded like.

Monday, November 20, 2006

‘nigh’agara


Went down to Niagara Falls this weekend to work at the chocolate shop. It was our open house to showcase the Christmas line-up. Jeremy and I go down to work it every year; it’s tradition. It was tiring, busy and so much fun. Plus we loaded up on chocolate. As usual many antics were had.


I pretty much only work this one weekend a year so every time I come there are new things to know – prices, procedure etc. we just redid the bathroom that the customers use and some guy asked me where the washroom was. I automatically directed him to it. Immediately afterwards I second-guessed myself. ‘Is that even ready for the public?’ I went to the back to ask and waited for a lull in the lively conversation. As I was waiting my sister came in from the front of the store. Great! I’ll ask her!

“Hey can customers use that bathroom out there?’

‘Uh, yeah’

‘Oh good. I just told some guy he could go right in but I wasn’t sure after.’

‘Yeah I know, I was in there.’

Oops.

‘He just walked right in.’

Heh.

I wasn’t the only one making faux pas this weekend. Jeremy had an awkward moment with a customer – and I was NOT the only one who took this the wrong way. The customer was describing a chocolate fountain they had set up, and his kids had revelled in.

‘Yeah I’ve got pictures of them with their shirts off, head and shoulders practically covered in chocolate.’

Jeremy points at me and says, ‘That’s nothing, I’ve got tons of pictures of her like that’.

My jaw dropped.

Excuse me? You must be thinking of someone else. He meant to imply I was a messy eater (true enough) but instead made it sound like amateur fetish hour. I immediately ran back to tell my family that Jeremy was telling customers he has pornographic images of me. He was not impressed.


That didn't stop him from coming on to chocolate Santa Claus though. For shame!

Friday, November 17, 2006

rock on…..as long as i’m in bed by 10

Jeremy went to a Guns n Roses concert with a buddy on Wednesday. Since I was in bed by the time he got home so the next morning I asked him how it went.

I’m old.

Why what happened?

Well it was too loud. And Axel didn’t even go on stage until midnight! There was so much smoke and pot, it hurt my eyes and made me dizzy.

Laughter. From me.

I turned to ask *Bob if he wanted to go out and get some air, knowing that I probably wouldn’t hear the end on it – and he had his face in his hands, head down. Once we got outside he said ' you wanna just get out of here'. So we left.


Wow. Boys night out. Wild.

*Names have been changed to protect the old and uncool. Kidding!

But you know it’s true.

there once was a girl

I went to the Curly Hair Institute last night. Love it. Not only did they do a great job on my hair, they made it into an experience. I walked in and was guided to a leather chair and asked if I wanted tea, coffee or water. With lemon. Fancy. It was an open concept post yet casual salon specifically for those with curly hair. At long last. I received a shine treatment and cut. You can see from the before and after shots that the cut brought out the best of my curls. All the way through! And it feels so light! I did have shiny locks before but that was only after dousing them in crap everyday, now it’s the standard and my hair is sooooft. Mmmm. Now though yo may be tempted to say you like the before picture after, keep in mind that the after one is at the end of the day, so my eyebrows have all but worn off. It lends a weirdness to my picture that you just can't put you're finger on.


Anyway I felt so hot afterwards, I was strutting to the subway station, flipping my hair around. When I’d thrown my purse over my shoulder it had kicked up one side of my collar. Rather than wrestle it down I just pulled up the other side. Just because it was easier, not because it made me look badass or anything. When the train came and kicked up a breeze I shook my hair, and in my head I heard Chaka Khan:

Tell me something good
Tell me that you like it, yeah
Tell me something good
Tell that you love me, yeah


Oh yeah.

It was pretty hot. And badass.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

claremy: the naked truth

I was over at OK Cupid, taking some fun little tests when I stumbled across the Dating Persona Quiz. Now back in University Jeremy and I took the dating personality quiz from the Spark (which is now Ok Cupid I believe). I wondered how the test had changed and what my results would be now. Back then I was The Mistress, which my floor mates all found hilariously fitting, for reasons I won’t go into right now. Would it be as eerily accurate all these years later? I wanted to know, so I took the quiz. And was SHOCKED!! At first. I was The Sudden Departure (Random Brutal Love Master). After reading it through several times (and taking the quiz 4 more times) I realized this was me. Both exact and brutal in its precise honesty, this simple test had summed up my life’s relationship experiences. It mentions things like "Serial monogamist is probably something you hear a lot. Emotionally loose is another way to put it”. Yikes. Not too pretty but hey it could have been a lot worse.

So, impressed as I was by this I demanded that Jeremy take it as well. He got The Loverboy (Random Gentle Love Master). What!?! Lover boy? Honestly. He was thrilled, said the picture even looked like him. Uh huh. Anyway we were reflecting on our relationship, okay I was, and I said


“Wow I’m surprised we ever got together in the first place, well this time around, so in the second place. Me all in love at the third date and calling you drunk at 3 in the morning. Demanding you at my beck and call. Scary.”

I’m waiting now for the standard ‘you’re the only girl for me, the only one I’ve ever loved (which is true by the way you can ask him) so it didn’t really matter how silly you acted in the beginning'. Or something to that effect. When I was greeted with silence I looked over to see Jeremy squirming in his chair looking decidedly uncomfortable.

“What?” I asked, quite ominously.

Well we probably wouldn’t have gotten together again otherwise”

Huh?


“I’ve been told I have a ‘damsel in distress’ syndrome where I like to rescue girls. Apparently I’ve a bit of a pattern.”

HUH!!!???!!

Needless to say that shut me right up. My whole perception of our relationship shattered with one admission! Thrown for a loop, I maintained an entire 2-minute silence before replying. I think I sputtered something like ‘ I can’t believe that’ and ‘this displeases me’, then fumed silently for a while. Well pouted.

Although this does explain a few things, like why none of Jeremy’s friends bothered to learn my name, speak to me or try to hide their thinly veiled disgust when I met them. Oh she’s one of those. And it’s not even the first time? Ugh really, some people.


Well maybe it wasn’t as bad as all that but still. I had to win them over. Like, try and junk. Man.

Monday, November 13, 2006

the gift that keeps on levelling up

You may have noticed I am currently playing TWO video games (links on right). That is because I had set about leisurely finishing Drakan: The Ancients Gates (last time my game was interrupted by my moving out and away from my little sister’s PS2). And I had gotten to the Flesh Mage and was ascared.

I had Kingdom Hearts up there FOREVER; well that’s because once I finish a game I’ll leave it up there until I start something new. Not so with the 'what I’m reading' link. I go through many books so I would be changing that thing nearly daily. Usually I’ll just link to the ‘real books’ I read; somehow I don’t think people need to know that I’m currently reading my lady’s desire, master of desire or the twelve lonely milkmaids of thrustington manor. You get the picture.

But I digress. I got a bit on a treat this weekend and Jeremy surprised me with Final Fantasy XII collector’s edition with guide. The boy stood in line the day it came out! I was shocked! I thought I’d have to wait a year before I got my hands on this game. Now Jeremy is the one who gave me my PS2 for Christmas last year, along with Final Fantasy X-2. because of his previous experience with me when I’m in Final Fantasy land (play for hours upon hours and don’t leave the house, sending him out for food and toilet paper), he made up a list of demands I had to agree to before I could open my present. It read as follows:

· 2 episodes Stargate
· 2 episodes Brisco County Jr.
· Lucky Number Slevin
· possibly go to one movie
· order pizza (toppings open to debate)
· 2 hrs Battlefield 1942

I agreed, not knowing that beneath the carefully wrapped pages of prostitute listings from Now Magazine lay the newest adventure in a long line of greatness. Sigh. I’m a happy camper, I love the new battle style and am fast getting the hang of the new features. I have clearly been playing a lot because I dreamt about the game last night. This only
happens when I’ve been playing like a fiend. I think I'm 10 hours in. At least.

Friday, November 10, 2006

that kid is back on the escalator again!


As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a huge fan of the movie Mallrats. In fact it’s in my top three. So when I heard about the escalator incident at Union Station my mind immediately made the connection.

What do you mean - what connection? Surely you remember Jason Lee’s passionate speech about escalator respect?

Now I understand that was not the case at Union Station, that there was in fact a malfunction that caused the escalator to enter “warp speed” in such a manner that may sound funny, but was actually serious and caused several spinal injuries.

You know what is funny though?

Jason Lee.

Especially
this speech.

T.S.: What? Do you know that kid or something?
Brodie: I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues!
T.S.: What is with you today?
Brodie: Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child!
T.S.: That's sort of a harsh lesson, don't you think?
Brodie: Man, there's not a year goes by -- not a year-- that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've easily been avoided had some parent -- I don't care which one -- but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!


In conclusion:
· Actual escalator accidents - not funny. Most of the time.
· Jason Lee saying things – funny.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

abusing the c-word


That’s what Jeremy called it. Sigh. I’m just awful.

Yesterday I got a call from some ‘new and exciting revolutionary fitness centre’ inviting me to join. Sure. I’ll get right on that. Anyway this woman was way to chipper way to early in the morning. Plus there is no way in hell I would ever join a gym. There are other people there and junk.

So I let her go through her spiel, I find it’s the quickest way to end these kinds of calls, speaking only when she asked me a direct question:

“Would you like to join our innovative and ground-breaking new fitness facility?

“No”

“Do you currently belong to a fitness centre?”

“Nope”

“Do you have any plans to join a fitness program in the near future?”

“Nah”

“Do you participate in any exercise programs?”

“No”

“Do you exercise at all?”

“Not really” I do walk to and from work but I doubt that would’ve impressed her.

“May I ask why?”

“Well I’m a cancer patient, I’m supposed to take it easy” Completely untrue, not the cancer bit but the taking it easy.

I was just trying to end the phone call and ensure they wouldn’t ever call me back. So naturally I felt just awful when her voice softened and she said “Oh! Well stay strong! Have a super awesome day!”

I think I mumbled ‘uh, yeah’ and hung up. Just awful. I wish I could say that I pulled out the c-word just because she wouldn’t stop bugging me (in fact that was exactly what I told Jeremy) but truthfully from the moment she said she was from a gym I knew I’d be bringing that up.

Awful.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

holy matrimania

Last year I took the Dead Celebrity Soulmate Quiz and my result was Henry the VIII. Meh. I wasn’t too impressed. I was looking through old posts and came across it today. I feel I’ve had a mildly life altering year and so my results should be different if I did it again, right? Right! Not only did I get two awesome runners-up (Edger Allen Poe & Leonardo De Vinci) I got the MAN OF MY DREAMS!! Sort of. Vincent Van Gogh! I heart him. Always have. Really though it was his answers to the Quiz’s questionnaire that won me over:

My most humbling moment...
The whole time I was painting regularly, I was only able to sell one canvas.

My greatest accomplishment...
One of my paintings, in today's dollars, is now worth over $116 million.

My ideal date would include...
First off, I promise I will not cut off anything while we're together. We could check out some galleries if you're interested. We could also watch a movie (anything but "Reservoir Dogs").

The celebrity I resemble most...
Jack Palance with red hair

If I could be anywhere at the moment...
In Arles, Bouches-du-Rhone, France. It's the perfect place for an art colony, if only I could convince other artists.

The things I can't live without...
Brush, blade, canvas, my gauze-wrapped and dried up bit of ear

Fill in the blanks.
A young woman walking down the street is sexy...
the burning essence of living color all around us is sexier.

In my home you will find...
A lot of canvas, my paints, and some fresh sunflowers... sometimes they help cheer me up.


My female match is no longer Mata Hari – it’s now Grace Kelly. I wonder what that change says about me? Hunh.....*gasp*.....I'm a princess!

Friday, November 3, 2006

that can’t be good

I was walking home and I saw what appeared to be a coat discarded outside. It was stuffed beside one of those big concrete outdoor planters. I thought ‘Hunh. Why would someone throw out a perfectly good coat? I’m sure some homeless person could use it.’ as I got closer I realized why no one had claimed it. It was bright orange. Prison orange.

Yes it was an orange prison jumpsuit, crumpled up and tucked away, half inside out.


This does not bode well. Not at all.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

iJer


Yesterday Jeremy met the love of his life. Again. No it’s not me, it’s not even Big Bear.

It’s his new Mac.

He finally got his stock cheque from Starbucks and decided to blow it on a new computer. To be fair his computer died a few months ago and he’s been using my *gasp* PC. I fully supported his purchase. First of all, he earned it and he did need a new computer. Secondly, he will probably never have a cheque of basically free money handed to him ever again, especially not that amount. And last but certainly not least, I’ll get my computer back. So run free baby, buy your toys.



And oh did he.

This is his new 24inch widescreen iMac. It is huge. Ridiculously huge. Even he said it was retardedly ginormous once he got it set up on his desk. And you should see it next to my peewee pc! It’s sad really. Sigh. He’s even got the wireless keyboard and mouse so he can sit in bed and use the internet. And there’s a remote control for watching DVD’s and such! Pure laziness! I swear we’re living large like drug dealers without the drugs. Unfortunately.

Anyway we trudged all the way out to the Yorkdale to get it, because his friend worked there and he wanted to get it from him and say hi (or so he says – I think he wanted to rub it in his face). Turns out his friend works at the Eaton Centre location, which is where we started our arduous journey. That’s God punishing you for vanity or pride or some such thing. At least that what I said at the time. So we got this beast home, and Jeremy sets it all up (very exciting) and I notice he’s setting it up to be all password protected. What the eff?!? He said it’s for his own protection but I still thing it’s a bastardly thing to do. I shared my comp with him for months!

Granted I have toasted a few computers in my time but those were pc’s. And I was like 12. C’mon.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

clartrait



I had so much fun making my Halloween greeting in ms paint yesterday that I decided to play some more today. This is my self-portrait. It’s how I look in my head. Sort of. Oh can you imagine such a world? Ahahah! Tra la!


Is she crazy or simply creative? At the very least she's self absorbed. Nutty thing.